Nurturing in the hood: motherhood, fatherhood, sisterhood and brotherhood



Is there anything more dear than a Daddy feeding his one year old son Birthday cake?
Obviously our one year old granddaughter is thrilled by her chocolate cake.


I've been thinking about the importance of nurturing in our lives, of nurturing and being nurtured. The healthiest people that I see in my business have a clear sense of direction and a good connection to people, nature, community, and country. They nurture someone or something. The reason connection and nurturing is so very important to me is that it actually defines who I am: a mother, a Grandma, a citizen, a wife, a counselor, a woman, a writer, a warrior for a cause, an embracer of truth, joy, hope and love. [That is a fun little exercise, try it... defining who you are in less than twenty words.]

When I started working in the field of psychology [while still in college]I found to my utter dismay and shock that not every parent is nurturing. I worked in a children's hospital and there were the parents who wouldn't even visit their children. Incredibly sad, isn't it? But since I don't know the whole story it's really silly to speculate on their callous behavior. I was young, a "Play Therapist' who delivered toys, some caring attention and fun to these very sick children. One little boy, really not much more than a baby, was Arthur. One of the nurses took me aside and said, "you should spend some time with Arthur, he's really very sweet and no one visits him." "Of course I will" I said having no idea just how sick he was. So I set aside time to be with him each day that I worked. When I entered his room he'd sort of bounce and grunt when he saw me. He was darling with deep chocolate brown eyes and the most incredibly long curly eyelashes, a perfect mouth, tight curly dark brown hair and his unfortunate fluid filled Buddha body. He had a kidney disease that had profoundly affected him since birth. He was unable to speak or even crawl due to the abdominal girth but he was able to sit up and semi bounce and grunt when pleased. We'd read books and I would show him toys that he'd hold to his chest. I grew to love him, he was dear to me.

One day I went to work, it was about a month prior to our leaving Ohio for the northwest, and I waltzed up the stairs to my floor in the hospital. I took the toys around as usual finally getting to Arthur's room and his crib was empty. "I wasn't told they'd moved him" I thought, and went to inquire. "Hey, where's Arthur's new room?" "Oh, didn't anyone tell you, he died on Saturday," said the nurse quite casually. I clutched my chest, turned on my heel and ran down the stairs out to the parking lot, sobbing, sobbing. I was too young and it was my first brush with the death of a child, one I cared about. That was my last day at that hospital, I couldn't go back.

What this did give me, this little Arthur in my life, was the first inkling of how precious life can be. Another thing, it is always worth it to love someone even if the end of love is painful. I also hope that in writing the above that I have properly honored Arthur. I have no idea if there was a grief stricken family that I should have contacted. But I didn't ask and I can see now that was a shame. I claim youth and ignorance as my excuse. So here is my tribute to that little boy. Arthur, you are not forgotten, you are still loved.

Two very natural nurturers

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.                                           Leo Buscalgia 

To some, nurturing comes very naturally, they just ease into the warmth of another with joy and love. With others, it has to be taught. So what. So learn to be nurturing, get out there and start. The benefits are enormous and they spill over from the one giving the nurturing to the ones who get it. Pluses all around.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2012 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved