A Pictorial Year of 2018, on to 2019

Happy New Year. I failed to send out Christmas cards so here you go... I also am hopeless with organizing my pictures so they are out of order as usual. Other than politics it was a marvelous year. Wishing you love and peace in 2019 and love your neighbor as yourself, that is an order. X0

Who?

Aftermath of Thanksgiving, Mexican train

Singing and playing with Chin at the Library

Lauren drove us to Seattle with D and James 

Christmas at  Anne and  Zach's

Finishing off the year with Gere-a-Deli with James and D

Thanksjuning with the sibs, Oshea, Adelaide, Laura

4th of July Parade, Democrats float

Lauren, James and Ella  mid summer

Silas's 8th grade graduation with  Josh and Lulu 

Zach, James and D at the Gere-a Deli

 A huge anniversary year with a grand celebration spread over most of the year.

Ah, imperfection strikes again

 

Lulu, me and Silas in March at their house.

Still marching for Women's rights

Celebration for Lauren's Confirmation

A whirlwind several day with the Josh's, first SJI

Then Vancouver

Vancouver, BC

At Guitar camp with Sally and Trisha

prior to Guitar Camp with Trisha in Seattle

Kalispell, Mt

With Jeannie and Bob in Livingston, Mt.

museum of the  Rockies

Mammoth Hot Springs

Yellowstone

The Grand Tetons

Playing in Helena, Mt.

Lauren 's Confirmation

Blanketing America, the only Charity without dues and rules

 I wrote this post  for fun and I am still disobedient but pure of heart. "Knit and give" is the only dictum for the BLANKETING AMERICA campaign. Giving warmth and love with every stitch you knit.  And notice I've branched out including giving scarves and now head bands to (mostly) females who will accept them. The advantage of  the head band is they are very easy and so quick to knit. Together, if you will join me we can do one small stitch, knit and purl for humankind .  Read on. And Merry Christmas everyone.

Here are a few more head bands

Everyone deserves a blanket

I have been puzzling about one of my hobbies. I knit. Big deal-- many other people knit and it doesn't even seem worthy of a post. However, and this is a big however, I knit a lot. In fact what I started doing years ago was knitting altruistically, or at least that's my excuse for the excessive amount of knitting I do. I read about this organization in which you can knit "squares", sew them into quilts and give them to homeless shelters. I thought, "ah ha, that's for me." So, I contacted them and they were fussy about the product. They wanted squares that exactly measured 7" X 9" and that was too much of a demand for me. Folks, I can't even follow a knitting pattern as it interferes with my pleasure in just knitting. My way is more loosely based on the idea of a square, somewhat free form, the process feels Zen-like, soothing. Being told what to do doesn't fit into that experience. So I knit my version of the "squares" and deliver them [unwoven into blankets or even lap rugs] to my local homeless shelter. They seem grateful to receive them and one of the women working there said, "Oh, good some of our ladies are just learning to knit." I hoped that meant that they were grateful to have the already knitted squares, and upon my suggestion, turn them into blankets.

Well, that's all it took for me to launch my new project, "Blanketing America" (trademark ) . Onward I go gleefully knitting hundreds of squares for the homeless shelter. I use mostly left over yarn from my old projects, and friends have given me their left overs. Then I am the happy recipient of yarn from the Mamas who have died leaving skein upon skein to their daughters who don't even crochet. Yarn happens. Lastly I make frequent visits to the local Thrift store for wool and yarn. What's cool about this idea for Blanketing America is there is no rule and no dictator. I could suggest that the "squares" are uniform but truly I know you could make a wonderful colorful quilt if they were odd sizes and shapes.

Just and example of one of the thousands of scarves I've made.

I rode the ferry yesterday with a friend and she told me about a New Yorker cartoon: There's this older woman in a chair knitting, and what's spread out in front of her is a gigantic long scarf, so long that it's trailing out the door. Into that doorway comes her husband and all he says is "ENOUGH!" I'm sincerely wondering when the kindly and indulgent Mr. G is going to come to that conclusion.  Another dear friend gave me a birthday card with a chubby older woman standing aside a huge knitting basket and draping down from her needles was an enormous blanket. The card said "May you have eleventy million more knitted stitches... "  That's about right.

They say charity begins at home but I bet they didn't bank on odd balls like me. I decided to create a charity that has no fund raisers, no chairperson, no literature to pass out and no annual dues. The only requirement to be part of the Blanketing America Campaign is the decision to knit and deliver the products to the homeless shelters across the country. You could even disobey the flimsy rule and hand deliver the quilts, scarves, head bands etc to homeless people on the street, perhaps with a sandwich... because I can't stand the thought of anyone in this wealthy country being cold and hungry.

The truth is I do want to Blanket America, won't you help? It is soothing and fun to boot.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2018 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

Blanketing America, The Campaign!

 I wrote this post  for fun and I am still disobedient but pure of heart. "Knit and give" is the only dictum for the BLANKETING AMERICA campaign. Giving warmth and love with every stitch you knit.  And notice I've branched out including giving scarves and now head bands to (mostly) females who will accept them. The advantage of  the head band is they are very easy and so quick to knit. Together, if you will join me we can do one small stitch, knit and purl for humankind .  Read on. And Merry Christmas everyone.

Here are a few more head bands

Everyone deserves a blanket

I have been puzzling about one of my hobbies. I knit. Big deal-- many other people knit and it doesn't even seem worthy of a post. However, and this is a big however, I knit a lot. In fact what I started doing years ago was knitting altruistically, or at least that's my excuse for the excessive amount of knitting I do. I read about this organization in which you can knit "squares", sew them into quilts and give them to homeless shelters. I thought, "ah ha, that's for me." So, I contacted them and they were fussy about the product. They wanted squares that exactly measured 7" X 9" and that was too much of a demand for me. Folks, I can't even follow a knitting pattern as it interferes with my pleasure in just knitting. My way is more loosely based on the idea of a square, somewhat free form, the process feels Zen-like, soothing. Being told what to do doesn't fit into that experience. So I knit my version of the "squares" and deliver them [unwoven into blankets or even lap rugs] to my local homeless shelter. They seem grateful to receive them and one of the women working there said, "Oh, good some of our ladies are just learning to knit." I hoped that meant that they were grateful to have the already knitted squares, and upon my suggestion, turn them into blankets.

Well, that's all it took for me to launch my new project, "Blanketing America" (trademark ) . Onward I go gleefully knitting hundreds of squares for the homeless shelter. I use mostly left over yarn from my old projects, and friends have given me their left overs. Then I am the happy recipient of yarn from the Mamas who have died leaving skein upon skein to their daughters who don't even crochet. Yarn happens. Lastly I make frequent visits to the local Thrift store for wool and yarn. What's cool about this idea for Blanketing America is there is no rule and no dictator. I could suggest that the "squares" are uniform but truly I know you could make a wonderful colorful quilt if they were odd sizes and shapes.

Just and example of one of the thousands of scarves I've made.

I rode the ferry yesterday with a friend and she told me about a New Yorker cartoon: There's this older woman in a chair knitting, and what's spread out in front of her is a gigantic long scarf, so long that it's trailing out the door. Into that doorway comes her husband and all he says is "ENOUGH!" I'm sincerely wondering when the kindly and indulgent Mr. G is going to come to that conclusion.  Another dear friend gave me a birthday card with a chubby older woman standing aside a huge knitting basket and draping down from her needles was an enormous blanket. The card said "May you have eleventy million more knitted stitches... "  That's about right.

They say charity begins at home but I bet they didn't bank on odd balls like me. I decided to create a charity that has no fund raisers, no chairperson, no literature to pass out and no annual dues. The only requirement to be part of the Blanketing America Campaign is the decision to knit and deliver the products to the homeless shelters across the country. You could even disobey the flimsy rule and hand deliver the quilts, scarves, head bands etc to homeless people on the street, perhaps with a sandwich... because I can't stand the thought of anyone in this wealthy country being cold and hungry.

The truth is I do want to Blanket America, won't you help? It is soothing and fun to boot.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2018 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

Small Town Therapist on the Art of Listening

 

There is an art to psychotherapy and the privilege of listening.  I find that today more and more people have trouble listening. One of the causes is the constant interference of cell phones in our culture. People are allowing themselves to be constantly distracted. 

A good listener helps the speaker clarify--and often correct--his ideas in the course of expressing them. The young become good communicators if they have parents or relatives or teachers who are good listeners.                                                       S.I. Hayakawa

Listening is a great hobby. This is a hobby I picked up living in a big boisterous family. I know in many large families everyone talks at once and in some families there are even shouting matches to see who can dominate the conversation. Although it wasn't like that in our family, someone has to defer with everyone talking at once. At certain times, that someone was me. Always? No, I can be quite the chatter box, but I like to listen. I find people fascinating. For some reason this isn't only soothing to me but when listening sometimes I come up with interesting insights that can spark new ideas and thoughts. This is very good because that's how, in my career, I made the big bucks: listening and responding with pertinent suggestions to my beloved clients.

"Come  in, welcome, sit and tell me everything, I want to hear every word." This I said to every client, at first as a joke, and then I realized I sincerely meant that.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.                                                                Dorothy Nevill

As a practicing psychotherapist, I made a living out of listening. This was a privilege that I enjoyed. The people who I was honored to see, came in and revealed things to me that perhaps they hadn't divulged to another human being. Many times this was just a series of current topical problems or perhaps more serious: the death of a loved one; torment from  childhood; physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Sometimes it was current abuse from a lover or friend. I'd my utmost to be keenly aware of what they were saying, how they were saying it and how long they'd held it inside. Especially with past abuse, this wasn't always a linear process. The unfolding could be circuitous or serpentine and take weeks or months in the recitation. Knowing when to interject is the art form. Too soon and you could shut someone down, not soon enough and you were unwittingly propping up the bad habit of their holding on, too long, to something that needed to be set free.

So you sit and it begins:
Is it a trance I'm in
when you come in
with your own dance,
the steps and the stance
marking your life?

As you talk,
Is it a meditation
as I sit still for your recitation
of all that is ill in your quadrille
and I focus on your life?
Susan R. Grout  unpublished 2011

Know something about something. Don't just present your wonderful self to the world. Constantly amass knowledge and offer it around.                                                                                       Richard Holbrook

I believe in giving feedback when appropriate and at the right moment. For example, I was listening to one half of a couple telling me the sad tale of the estrangement she felt from her workaholic husband. I listened and listened and finally said, "what are the children experiencing with his continual absence?" She cried and said, "I don't know I've been so focused on my own despair that I've hardly noticed if this is affecting them." What this woman is doing, besides emotionally neglecting her children, is an example of a human error called repetitive, or circular thinking. Another example, I often heard: "my husband is an alcoholic, workaholic, gambler,  how can I get him to stop?" The really bad news is you can't make someone do something if they aren't willing. Witness toilet training on an unwilling child, or encouraging someone to get sober or go to treatment who doesn't believe they have a problem. However you can coax someone to be more willing like: offering the child exciting Bat Man underpants, using bribes, rewards, praise, more pleasant experiences if they do cooperate! Or the reverse, like consequences for adults if they don't/can't or aren't willing to stop destructive behavior.

I learned one of the great teachers of consequences was from the Al Anon program. In Al Anon you learn to focus on your own behavior first, tell that person in as direct, clear and measured a manner as possible what you want from them then--- surprise, surprise--- let go. Grown adults mature quickly when the negative reactions are withdrawn, the consequences clearly laid out and are followed through. No idle threats in other words. All bets are off for the teenagers who are addicted to drugs. Some teens need to be thrown into counseling or treatment against their wishes and will.

One of the great impediments to listening is when the "listener" truly isn't paying attention. They are merely waiting for a pause in the conversation so they can make their own brilliant observations. If I was the one making the egregious offense, I usually and candidly admitted it. "Sorry, I drifted a minute ago, could you repeat that?" Or if I really need to interject a comment I usually do ask: "I need to add something, is this OK with you?" Mostly it was OK,  but sometimes they'd blurt, "let me finish." And humbled, I'd take their advice and let them finish. Happily for me, the vast majority of people that I listened to were really interesting, easy to listen and pay attention to. It was fine to sit and nod and encourage them to continue.

The exceptions, the ones difficult to pay attention to, were the ones who were incredibly tangential. One person that I'm thinking about was a dear but while talking she'd manically go off on several tangents:  her hair cut; people I've never met with no explanation as to why she was bringing them up; then her approach on dieting--- all in the same paragraph, and sometimes in the same breath. Mostly I'd just steer the conversation back to her reason for being in counseling--- her problems and issues. However if it was a friend or relative who was tangential, I'd distract them to a topic we both enjoy perhaps books, music or movies. Most times this worked well--- or at least was more interesting.

But do to the frustration of monologues, I would like to introduce "The Grout Five Minute Rule." If you love your friends, relatives, clients sometimes we just have to accept that everyone is not built the way we are. "Tangentials" of the world unite! Go and talk in tangents to each other, endlessly. Most of us are not tangential and seemingly this could drive one mad. However, I have a handy formula for this slight character flaw, and it is: "The Grout Five Minute Rule." Simply employed and executed, you tell the chatty and rambling, repetitive individual, "go ahead and stick to your topic, and I will agree not interrupt you for 5 minutes." The talker, who always loves a tangent, has to agree to this. Then the blitzkrieg begins. I must confess that this works brilliantly. I must also shamefully confess that some times I cheat and say "time's up!" after only 3 1/2 minutes---or I know I will start screaming. Not a good thing in a friend or psychotherapist. However, it does put the 'psycho' in psychotherapist.

One of the things taught in psychology classes is reflective listening. This was made famous by Carl Rogers who swiped this idea from good parents everywhere. Reflective listening is repeating back what someone just said to encourage them to continue. This is most naturally observed when a baby coos, to respond in this manner. I did this when my granddaughter, at only seven months old said, "Nana" as she looked right at me.  Elated, I repeated the phrase to make sure she directing this at me and naming me. "Nana" she said again as I was changing her diaper. Not a more heartwarming naming in all the world. My whole body  glowed with delight as that baby articulated that name, my new name, to herself and me.

My life's work has been to study, listen and then help people with ideas, insights and suggestion to the clients who came to me. There was constantly so much to learn. The field of psychology is not only fascinating but also exciting in its discoveries of what works best for most people. I am/was constant learning and it was a privilege to share in that wealth of knowledge. It all started with intently listening to their stories.

Most of us long for this: to be really heard and some of us never get that. It was/is indeed my privilege and my pleasure to listen and let the music of other's lives fill my head, my heart and my room.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2026 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved