Can You Fight Voter Apathy?

Obviously for this, and every single election, we need to get out the vote. I address this plea especially to the young, to women, to the disenfranchised and to all the people who care about the rights we have fought so hard to have and preserve. 


A Voting Plea

We don't vote, they simply say
and in a whirl there is grey smoke rising up
I see costumed men dumping tea in Boston harbor
defying a mad King in their quest for independence.

We don't vote, they simply say
and then I envision very young men, some brothers,
dead on the fields strewn with fresh blood
who fought for the rights that all men be treated equally
in this very young country.

We don't vote, they simply say
and around a bend comes
long lines of women marching, placards pleading:
'votes for women!',  
some having endured beatings, jail for years, 
still marching, defiant yet persistent
 and hopeful.

We don't vote, they simply say
and before me appears a weary Rosa Parks
bravely and defiantly taking her seat
on the front of the bus, starting the
Montgomery March.

Mom [born the year Women's Voting Rights approved]
 and I urge you to vote 

We don't vote, they simply say

and I hear jubilant people, in foreign lands,
hands clapping, tears streaming down their faces,

voting for the first time in their lives.

"My feet are tired but my soul is rested."

We don't vote, they simply say 
with that remark negating 
our hard fought history for our ordinary citizen's
right to:
life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

I stand watching in perplexity as the non voters

take their rights and their liberties and simply

turn on their phones
and walk into the closest Walmart.

Susan R. Grout  written in 2000 and revised in 2012 and revised in 2018

susansmagicfeather copyright 2012 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

On the Value of Neighborliness

The Peace of Wild Things

By  Wendell Berry 

When despair for the world grows in me 

and I wake in the night at the least sound 

in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be, 

I go and lie down where the wood drake 

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things 

who do not tax their lives with forethought 

of grief. I come into the presence of still water. 

And I feel above me the day-blind stars 

waiting with their light. For a time 

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Wendell Berry, "The Peace of Wild Things" from The Selected Poems of Wendell Berry. Copyright © 1998


I have always been amazed and then saddened about people being unwilling to perceive a problem when it's staring them in the face. I too, like Wendell Berry, have used nature as my solace and comfort but instead of just passively lying down I choose to act as well when "the despair for the world grows in me." Instead of despair, it turns into a growl and anger propels me to get active.

I've been watching the differences between people who have a lot of money and people who have a little or nothing—that gap grows and grows. Any student of history knows that you can’t have a viable society if you organize the economy of a country that way. Depriving people of basic healthcare, education,  housing or any of the social goods from our wealthy country and you are going to have a heap of problems. Someone wiser than me said that it comes down to neighborliness. If you do not have a practice of neighborliness, society becomes unfair and unlivable.

Let's focus on neighborliness. This focus allows all of our issues to become much clearer. This will require a generosity of heart and thought. There are those who are literally afraid of neighborliness, they are red hot to label this thinking as socialist or communist instead of what it is, commonsense kindness. Please ignore the meanspiritedness that runs amok in the world. Instead let's focus on what happens when there is a natural disaster. 

In Houston, in Puerto Rico, in Florida, in New Orleans during and then after the flooding there were so many stories of ordinary citizens rescuing their fellow neighbors, humans and animals alike. Some risked their lives for these others by treating all of them as their neighbors. So that's the personal level, expand it to our government and that's how we could treat our country's citizens with the same courage and neighborliness. We could turn things around. 

There are many ways to practice neighborliness — of course the personal but also it requires the private sector, the corporations, the government, the church all being involved. When everybody has a stake in maintaining a viable community [starting with our country caring at a deeper level],then this would bring an emotional maturity that is sorely lacking with the current GOP administration.  Arresting asylum seeking immigrants and throwing them in jail, and worse, separating families and bringing children as young as two into court. Make sense of this for me. 

Neighborliness is key. Getting caught up in an abstract discussion with labels takes energy away from what our real concerns ought to be: a prosperous, respectful, successful nation filled with healthy, educated citizens. 

We are all one under the skin. That is evident when someone dies and there lies the inert body, who then is better or worse? Or imagine, go to any hospital nursery and see the row of babies just born laying in all their new born glory before you, who is better and who's worse? These are new born people and they have certain inalienable rights. To sort them out in terms of who's deserving of those rights and who's the most qualified and who's not... is imposing a judgment on our human reality. That simply can't and must not be.

I read an article  in Newsweek magazine a couple of years ago which sums up the nuttiness of people  who call  themselves  religious yet hate their neighbors. 

"religious extremists wave their Bibles at passersby, screaming their condemnations of homosexuals, they fall on their knees, worshiping at the base of granite monuments to the Ten Commandments while demanding prayer in school, they appeal to God to save America from their political opponents, mostly Democrats. They gather in football stadiums by the thousands to pray for the country’s salvation and yet they regularly support immoral men who are cons, serial abusers, intemperate, and some who are thrice married with children from three different wives. Make sense of this for me.

They are God’s frauds, cafeteria Christians who pick and choose which Bible verses they heed with less care than they exercise in selecting side orders for lunch. "

I did monkey with the quote above throwing in the part about the recent nonsense from the far right but please  understand this is all about being a good neighbor whether you are religious or not. Act with love towards your fellow citizens. We can build a better world one kindly act after another.  This is my  hope and plea. 

Susansmagicfeather 2018 copyright Susan R. Grout all rights reserved 

Cruise Control

I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.                                                   Jonathan Winters

I am a woman not known for her slowness. I tend to speed through life, I smell the roses at a clip. Yet I am also not one who jogs, swims or bikes at top speed. I move quickly but not frenetically. 

Knowing this about me, my friends were amazed when I confessed that I drive almost everywhere on cruise control. Why? Years ago I discovered that having the constant pressure on the pedal below my right foot was not only an effort, but I found I naturally tended to push myself past the speed limit. Hence I resorted to cruise control. So this is a discipline via a machine, to switch into cruise, set at the speed limit and relax. I even set the cruise if that limit is only 25 MPH. 

How does this apply to my life? I am not by nature a meditative, mindful, calm, serene person. I have had to discipline myself to become all of that and more. Each morning, especially as these days are increasingly dark and rainy, I stay in bed for at least 20 minutes and meditate. Things, events, dreams float through my mind and I am the ambassador of good will, letting things drift away as the next thought wafts through. This is meditation in the most primitive of settings: a bed, covers, a pillow and me. 

Any job worth doing is worth doing badly.                     G.K. Chesterton

How does the cruise control attitude extend to my other dealing in life? Perhaps this is peculiar to me but when I'm about to start a huge task that is going to require a Herculean effort I say to myself, "I'll just start and go at a slow pace and see how much I can get done." The first example that comes to mind is rolling huge logs out of our woods to split and then stacking the split wood. I strain with effort and keep thinking, "well, I'll just keep going..." Eventually the job gets done because I'm on automatic pilot, cruise control if you will. It works for me.

Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until the drops of blood form on your forehead.     Gene Fowler

Sadly, this also applies to my writing, getting started is usually the hardest part. One of my sisters says this blog is my 'Senior Project'. This project consists of me attempting to give away [at the low cost of nothing]--- many of my therapy tips. I've selected the ones that have helped my clients [and me] throughout my long years in practice. But to even give those tips away, I must write in either an amusing, engaging or understandable fashion. This requires discipline, effort, and thought to relay my insights, common sense and truth. Is it work? Yes. Is it a joy?Yes. Is it guilt producing if I abandon my project for too long? Big yes. The cruise control method let's me just start, go at a low speed if I like and put one word down after another. Simple, right? Well, no but the rewards are there if you're willing to start and cruise control will get you there.

susansmagicfeather 2018 copyright Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

      

Secrets of a Small Town Psychotherapist

           

 Have you ever wondered what goes on in the mind of a marriage and family therapist? How do they regard their clients and come up with reasonable suggestions for changes? I certainly can't speak for all therapists but I can describe my internal process when I was in my private practice as a psychotherapist.

Simply put, let's say you came to my office for counseling. I am like the host in a restaurant and I want you to be comfortable and feel safe. Additionally, for me to really understand you as my client, I found I must learn your own particular dance of life. I would pay close, very close, attention and respect the steps, the hesitations and the stances you'd take. I'd realize that I'd never seen you or this dance before. This was the dance of your life, how you moved from one experience to another and it was your dance alone.  I'd sit still for the recitation of all that is not quite right in your quadrille, your waltz or tango and what is displeasing, tragic or discordant. After all, this is what brought you to me. I'd make a pact with you to help change what you wanted to see different.

Life has given you either a puzzle or an unexpected outcome and it was my job as therapist to assist you on your way to find the most satisfactory answers to your dilemmas possible. Hence a new dilemma for me: yes, by definition to be helpful...but to also allow you, the client to think of your own solutions as well as the ones I'd throw out as suggestions. I always considered counseling to be a collaborative effort. You as a client may just be looking  for a quick answer and this is honored with my comments and suggestions, but sometimes the quick answers aren't enough.  

Slow down, you move too fast. You've got to make the moment last..                                                                          Paul Simon

Once, more than 30 years ago, in a workshop I gave with my co therapist , Laurie Armstrong,  one of our group attendees said "give us a chance to comprehend all of this." I was rushing, trying to stuff their heads with gobs of insights. There is such a thing as pacing and I was busily up pacing the clients. You as a client can get overwhelmed and so...I learned to take deep breaths and move more thoughtfully. Perhaps not as slow as a waltz but certainly not a jitterbug. Hoagie Carmichael said, "slow motion gets you there faster," so true with clients and in life. That said, you as the client are paying me good money for my long years of experience. To not short change you, I'd stop you if you were looping [meaning being repetitive] or if you were being frankly boring [meaning probably avoiding something painful] or spouting something incomprehensible.  I'd always add my two cents if I'd hear something that's off. God knows I'd like someone to tell me if I was being repetitive or boring... 

Speaking of being repetitive I have a confession to make. When I'd have a client who was constantly revisiting old stories sometimes I'd drift mentally.  Though paying attention, my busy mind would start doing "make overs". Ever since I was a young girl I've loved the magazine moment that takes a dull or drab room and turns it into something pleasing, before and after. Or another example, the a magazine would have an entire issue focused on Make-Overs. They would invite a person who'd neglected their appearance and a team of beauticians and assistants would miraculously transform that person. The magazine would show the "before and after".  The assistants would have done a keen trick with a sharp haircut and a dab of makeup and voila! a spiffy change for the better. Sadly, if you or another client was doing what we'd  call "looping" [and I've heard the story several times]...make-overs would invariably pop up. "How about if they cut their hair, wore different clothes, smiled more often..." I'd think.  I'd  know this was a failing so I snap to in seconds and interrupt their reverie and alert them that they'd already told me that. "From what you told me when we started counseling, you'd like to see some things changed in your life. That time is now, now is the time to change, to find a lesson, and forge ahead with new thoughts. How would you rather be, feel, think, act?"  I'd ask. Invariably the in depth work would begin: resolving problems and finding solutions.

You gain strength , courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do.               Eleanor Roosevelt

I noticed in my more than thirty years as a psychotherapist that the people who made a difference in their lives and in other's lives were the ones who have a degree of fierceness and determination. This can be coaxed and encouraged in a person. If you came to counseling with me I would clue into a wonderful world that awaits you--- if you'd be brave enough to tackle issues you care about. When and if that happy combination of fierceness and determination comes along coupled with a passion to do good in the world, watch out, things are going to happen. 

I loved my clients and I loved my work. The passion to do good in this world never stops and neither should you stop.

susansmagicfeather  2018 copyright Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

Travelogue for Anyone Who is Less than Perfect

Hi to all, 

Excuse the group email,  this is the easiest way to reach all of you in one fell swoop. 

We left the beautiful town of Spokane. We had a one night visit with a work friend of D's who I loved because he laughed at everything  I said. I realize for most of you that would not be a ringing endorsement but, hey.... the picture below is taken of Spokane with Canada geese flying by.

Today we traveled across the panhandle of Idaho,( that was quick,) and landed here in Kalispel after driving thru breath taking scenery and unbelievably  strong squalls. Rain so profound it was like a hose on the windshield. Being somewhat  oblivious we forgot the time change and ended up having lunch around three and had to race to find a hotel. We like old downtowns  and are in a hotel that is more than 100 years old. Dinner was down the street in an Italian restaurant, cioppino baked with a lid of pizza dough. Sounds silly was delightful. 

Going to bed. Will send pictures of the rainbow from our hotel but for now, a good night to all. Stay warm and dry.

X0,  S

On Sun, Sep 16, 2018 

We so looked forward to Glacier national park and hurried out of Kalispell  to get there especially  looking  forward to the "Going to the Sun Road". Alas, the fires prevented that adventure and so we skipped the West side of Glacier and had to drive over to the east entrance at St. Mary's. What could have been a 44 mile trip through Glacier national park was not possible.  Instead we had to take the long haul. More than 2 hours later,  we went through first a gorgeous  highway  2  a very pleasant and lovely drive.  That ended and then we had to drive on to highway  #49  a nightmare of smokey, foggy, twisty turny experience.  We finally  arrived at St. Mary's entrance. I was not at my best.

What  was worth the price of inconvenience and hairpin turns was being able to drive the Going to the Sun road from the east side St. Mary's to Logan point. So beautiful,  at 6,000 ft.  definitely the Alps in our own country.  I was so enamored of the views that I took many pictures.  Unfortunately I had taken the first as a selfie, and as many of you know, I am without qualification the worst at selfies. So I forgot to turn the camera around and took many pictures of the top of my head. For your enjoyment  I included one of my idiot shots,  the rest deleted.

Because we weren't the only ones coming from the West side of the park, no rooms were available at the lodge. So the Mom and Pop "Red Eagle" got us and we reveled in its mediocrity. 

Next day we travelled to Helena, only getting lost once.  And oh those wheat fields do go on for miles and miles. I didn't realize how slow a MPH of 70 can feel when everyone else is going 80 plus. My excitement was stopping in Bynum, pop. 30, to see the dinosaur museum.  Did you know Montana  is rich in dinosaur bones? Great finds since the 70's. Loved it. D, tolerant and kind at my exuberance. 

Got to stay 2 nights in Helena, good food and great hiking trails.

Below is a Helena mural,  the view of a glacier and the idiot selfie.  

X0 to all. S

Someone once said, "it's so great to be imperfect, it brings such joy to others."  

I've had some blond, imperfect moments on this trip.  We were approaching Yellowstone and I said to D, "there's a bunch of white smoke, I think we should  report a fire..." and then driving into the park, "I smell sulphur! "  Needless to say he merely rolled his eyes  and didn't point out this is the land of geysers and hot springs.

He has had his moments also. We were in the hot spot of Salmon , Idaho (see small plaque  below) when in a diner these two elderly hunters walked in and sat down at a table across  from us. D remarked to them, "I see you did your shopping  at the same time", they had identical camouflage jackets and were not amused by the comment. I rolled my eyes heavenward.

Not much to report in Salmon...

Rolled  on to Missoula. As we were driving I read about  a marvelous Carousel that was given to the city of Missoula with the understanding that it was to be in continuous use for all of the children  and people. The entire town got involved with the craftsman and dedicated 100K hours to finishing it. It so delighted us it was our first stop in the city. Ornate, lovingly carved horses, dragons and gargoyles graced the beautiful carousel.  Of course riding it was much more fun than just viewing so we plunked down our $1.50 and hopped aboard our steeds.

We loved Missoula and had 2 splendid meals there. Today we had the itch to go home so we drove first to Coeur d'Alene and after we got lost (I wish that was an unusual occurrence) we had a small lunch in a lovely park on the lake.  

Now we are in Ellensburg after a delicious meal at the Yellow Church cafe. We are in bed early and returning home a week early. Why? Our clothes are dirty and we can smell the barn. We will be trotting home after another vision check for D on Thursday. He has yet another surgery mid October. 

Goodbye to the mountains and hello to the Sound. Good night good night. 

X0 to you all.  S

On Fri, Sep 28, 2018 

We ended up going as far as Ellensburg on our last day of our trip. What a surprising delightful little city. Ate at The Yellow Church cafe and walked into town but it was dark so I wrangled a promise from  D that we could mosey around the next morning. 

The morning was cold but beautiful and after breakfast we went on our Ellensburg walkabout.  My favorite part of the walk was the house of a couple who have allowed artists  to put eccentric sculptures all over the yard around their house, a collection started 40 years ago. Below are a some of the statues and decorations. When I wrote in their guest book I urged them to come to SJI to see Kevin Roth's creations. Also included is D being captured unawares as I took a picture  of him sipping coffee in front of a lovely  old Ellensburg building. 

And on our last day of our travels,  I thought I'd impart a valuable travel tip. I believe I mentioned we stayed in a very inexpensive motel near the downtown of Missoula which was a plus, since we love walking everywhere in small cities. Got back to our motel, both of us full from an excellent meal but oh so tired.

 We like to sleep with the window at least cracked open, and so we did that, then read and went to sleep. At 2 am a train whistle sounded so that, deaf as I am, I was jarred awake, concerned the train was going to hit the motel. Back to sleep....then the 3am another train sounded it's horn..blasting away.  Did I mention I wasn't wearing  my hearing aids?  Poor Mr. D, who has good hearing said when he did sleep it was fitfully. No kidding. 

The hot tip is : check your surroundings and if train tracks  are within a block of your motel, reconsider. Or if you do decide to go ahead just realize that the train is one reason the cute motel is very inexpensive. Oh and I did finally figure out to close the damn window.

Good night to all and hope your sleep is peaceful. 

X0 to you all,  S