Small Town Therapist on True Women Heroes

Undoubtedly you have seen or become aware of the cover of Sports Illustrated which is so proud of itself!  It has 81 year old Martha Stewart on the cover of it's swimsuit issue. Copious magazines strutted proudly when they had Maye Musk in their Cover Girl ads. I'm somewhat amused by this, don't they realize how literally silly this is? What these two women have in common is: vast wealth, copious servants, daily spas, routine injections with all the trimmings from their personal dermatologists who they have on speed dial. Then they have fabulous trainers and of course, exquisite food delivered to them. Have I missed anything? These companies are believe they are honoring older women as heroes--- but  really they aren't. Martha and Maye represent only the minutest fraction of women in this country. Martha and Maye represent only the women of enormous privilege. 

I realize, this is nothing that new. Hollywood and television stars are constantly touted as fabulous in the looks department and sometimes for their charitable deeds. Is it foolish of me to ask this question: why don't these magazines write the checks to women who are great looking, in their upper seventies and eighties who actually need the money for the modeling job? That would exclude those that take draconian measures to insure they look fifteen years younger than their given age. These good women who I'm thinking of simply can't afford it and furthermore I doubt they'd sign up for voluntary pain. I personally have quite a few heroic women as candidates for modeling jobs in mind. You probably do too. Ordinary and beautiful women but they're not famous. Ah but does that sell magazines? Isn't money always the bottom line in magazines?

Mom at 87

This may shock you but I don't know Martha or Maye so I'm only hoping that with their fabulous wealth they accepted these modeling jobs and gave the money to charities. I had "contempt prior to investigation" for Maye Musk [because her son is mostly contemptable] but no surprise I was wrong. She has been a successful model since she was in her late twenties. Martha has also been a model in the past and from what I read is very charitable.

I have a humble suggestion that I'm sure the all the magazines of this country are eager to hear. Why not support the women of this country who are under siege? There are women heroes out there of a certain age who are vibrant, passionate and lovely. These are the good teachers defending their classroom from gun nuts and book banners. Put these brave women on the covers of The Atlantic, or the New Yorker! How about our dear trust worthy Librarians on the cover of Forbes or Business week? They are currently defending our right to read any book you choose. You get my drift. This county needs to celebrate our ordinary women heroes who are under attack.

As for Sport's Illustrated, there's an opportunity to promote several of the more youthful, very glamorous pregnant women who are literally in mortal danger with risky pregnancies. These beleaguered pregnant women live in one of the obtuse states that hates women enough to threaten their lives. No choice for any care from a Doctor or hospital if the pregnancy continues to go south.

Mom and I at the Art Museum

Sad to say most businesses are too cowardly to support these good women afraid--- of the very loud white men, and some white women who oppose our freedoms of speech [you're allowed to read only the books they approve of] and choice [you can't have privacy with your doctor to choose decisions about your own body]. 

Just as there has been an anti-women movement in this country [oh, Roe vs Wade where are you], there is also an anti teacher, anti children [except for your very own] and an anti age bias rearing it's ugly head. Enough! Aren't we all sick of the fear mongering?

Time to stop complaining and time to take action. Read banned books, love your teachers and librarians! While your at it, remember it's none of your business if a person believes they've been assigned the wrong body. It's also none of your business if a pregnant woman chooses a course of action about an unsuccessful pregnancy. Bless and honor these women.

susansmagicfeather 2023 Susan R. Grout

Small Town Therapist on Becoming a Worthy Elder

 

These days you either look great for your age or you're dead. Anonymous 

When you cease to make a contribution you start to die.   Eleanor Roosevelt 

I'm almost ten days out from my hip replacement surgery and the relief of not being constantly bothered by 'sister pain' is welcome and wonderful. A big thanks to all of you who wrote kind notes, brought me meals and sent encouragement. Love you all. 

An operation of any kind, with heavy duty anesthesia, can knock the stuffing out of anyone and leave them pondering their future, as much as is-- god willing-- left. 

Even though I got the stuffing knocked out of me I'm in good spirits, home and being lovingly taken care of by my darling caregiver, Mr. G. The road to surgery was filled with painful pot holes [7 to 8 regularly on the pain scale] and I'm so glad that I can rate my level of pain in the 2 or 3s on the scale of 10 as the worst. Such a relief. How fortunate I am to have my excellent caretaker, the fabulous surgeon and all his assistants and all my family and friends. Lucky, I know, to have had the surgery.

I was desperate to be out of pain and I sincerely sympathize with anyone who has pain as their chronic and constant companion. 'Sister age' can be painful and often is accompanied by 'sister chronic pain'. Our society doesn't really want to hear about struggles that don't have happy endings. So far, I'm living a happy ending but I'm not kidding myself,  I also realize that I'm closer to the end of life than the beginning and so there may be more trials, tribulations and pain ahead. I would love to think this is the last surgery or hospitalization I will ever have. Lovely thought. 

hold each other dear the rewards are great

Babies are such a nice way to start people.         Don Herold

Our society is so desperate to "staying young" at all costs. There's almost a greed attached to that phrase "staying young" and first of all it's a lie. If you're in your sixties, seventies and up, you can't be young. I'm asking myself  what's a good solution to abhorring old age?  The humble idea I've come up with, is: why not work on being an enthusiastic, wise, and worthy elder. I want to be the elder who is kind, humorous and generous to my family, friends, community, country and the world. I'll give all of myself away to the service of humanity. This blog is my little attempt to start the great give away.

I am nearly ten years older than my Dad who died at 67, and the same for my Grandfather. My mother's side did age considerably longer, almost all died in their eighties. What impresses me now is none of my elders struggled with the inevitability of growing old, they took it as a rite of passage. They embraced aging as natural. Our generation somehow got conned into thinking that the '60's are the new 50's, '90's are the new 70s'! and wants to ignore all the ramifications of aging. I have one thing to say about how successful that will be-- not. We simply can't ignore the aging stage in life. The media  and social media are no help. They consistently go crazy for those who make the 100 year old mark, the Centerians. Sure, their numbers are growing with better nutrition, more health care, but you must have noticed that most of these people in the over 100 year old camp are just existing. There are the few charming examples of people working and helping others into their very old age but that is decidedly not what's in the assisted living homes.  

Trisha, Sally. Me, Kathleen

Old age, especially honored old age, has so great authority, that this is of more value than all the pleasures of youth.              Cicero

As far as I can tell we haven't come close to honoring our elders even though there's plenty of lip service out there proclaiming that we do care about the elderly. Tax cuts are for the privileged, all enjoyed for the benefit of the already wealthy. Yet taxing springs to mind as a very viable way to help out various ills of our society. But heaven forbid we tax these people, most of whom inherited their wealth. Where is the wisdom, the kindness, the generosity for humanity? It's decidedly absent. In other words without taxing those that have way, way more than enough money, we are enabling greed and these people are avoiding becoming worthy elders. I realize that this is falling on deaf ears, and "yet she persisted".

You never know what's 'round the bend...                                                          Sally Milici

I'm all for people aging in place if they are lucky enough to do so, however let me acknowledge that sometimes people can do just about everything right and still die or become debilitated through injury or illness. My sister Kathleen is an example. Yes, she ate impeccably, exercised, read inspiring literature, played music every day and still she died of a heart attack at 67 years old. A life force gone forever. The same is true for my dear brother in law Dirk Milici, dead of cancer at 58.  "You never know what's 'round the bend; you never know when it can end" says sister Sally Milici in one of her great songs about Time. Pay attentions to the things that really matter in life every day, and live every day as though it is your last. Then you too can join the ranks of becoming a worthy elder.

susansmagicfeather 2023 Susan R. Grout 

Small Town Therapist on a Human Endangered Species

 

This may come as no surprise to you but it's not just the bees and the bumble bees that are facing the danger zone, being listed as endangered species. There is a good case to be made for the teachers and students who are becoming more endangered and vulnerable. These good people are literally risking their lives to the ineptitude of Congress----who fail to act on banning assault weapons.. For a moment look up the statistic on how many shootings there have been in our schools in the past nineteen years since 2004. This was when the assault weapons ban was lifted. I'll save you the trouble: 304 children have died and 300,000 children have experienced repercussions of gun violence. This sounds like a statistic for an active war and I believe it is. We are being held hostage by a minority of people who believe that this is acceptable for ordinary citizens to be armed with weapons designed to kill thousands. Live armed and die.

 
Honestly, most animals care for their young with greater care and concern than we humans are giving to our children and fellow citizens. Can we please stop this nonsense? Yes, of course!  If the all concerned and caring citizens rose up and demanded that the ban for assault weapons go into effect all over this country. Yes, there will still be this gut wrenching number of guns out there in all parts of America. But, think. In every community where there has been an organized 'buy back' of assault weapons the results have been impressive. Many. many people willingly want to rid themselves of weapons of mass destruction. These are the sane people whose thinking hasn't been warped by the NRA. Someone always mentions, yes, but the hunters... Seriously, hunting with a machine gun? You know that's disgusting and an actual joke. Are hunters truly that inept? Real hunters don't use weapons of mass destruction.

People do not feel safer with a gun. Nor should they. Read about the incidences of accidental home shootings and also the suicides. A very sad fact is that a gun doesn't improve safety or even security. Another appalling fact is when a gun is handy the temptation to use it is overwhelming especially to males, young and old. Suicides and accidental shootings most often occur when a gun is not locked up safely. Then witness the nuttiness of some people in Congress proudly posing with their guns--- to show what? How caring they are about humans? How about the opposite.

Speaking of taking away guns, [actually just the ones designed to kill humans in vast numbers], you'll live, literally. Those of us who value children, teachers, neighbors, people of color and women are just trying to give people a chance to thrive. It would be lovely to go back to being unafraid of these stupid slaughters. Again, why should we be held hostage to unjustifiable murders?

It's disheartening to me that some very intelligent people have basically thrown up their hands and said, 'we've lost this battle' due to the huge number of guns in this country. Someone jokingly proposed that we send all of our accumulated assault weapons to Ukraine. I thought "hey, seriously, that's a brilliant idea, the Ukrainians are in an actual righteous war against Russia who is trying to steal their land and also horribly are kidnapping their babies". Hateful government. Send them the weapons. Think of the heartache it would save our poor beleaguered country and the dollars saved to do this act of kindness.

I believe the point of this blog post today is to plead with all rational people to support the ban on assault weapons. Don't give up. To quote Winston Churchill "never, never, never give up."

susansmagicfeather 2023 Susan R. Grout

Small Town Therapist: Here We Go Again

 

Hopefully she has some good people for her recovery

I never casually sign up for voluntary pain, [eg. cosmetic surgery to improve the inevitable wrinkles]. That's one of the reasons that I fought not have another total hip replacement surgery. I had the first hip done in 2012. Here's a brief list of the methods I employed to fight the inevitable:

1. I read and re read John Sarno's book Healing Back Pain in the mistaken belief that I was faking all this pain.
2. I distracted myself from the pain mentally with loving thoughts, ignoring the the pain, pushing through the pain, giving myself stern talkings to...
3. I distracted myself physically with breathing techniques, yoga, acupuncture, bike riding, hikes and physical therapy.
4. I took copious vitamins, herbs like turmeric, rubs like arnica, CBD lotions, medications like aspirin, Tylenol and Aleve.
5. I saw doctors: my primary care physician, a Rheumatoligist.
6. I submitted to X rays.
7. I got two professional opinions from orthopedic surgeons.

I finally faced the truth, as my chosen surgeon said, "nothing you could have done and nothing short of the total hip replacement is going to take the pain away," news for me and my poor little degenerated hip bone. So I scheduled surgery. I did not hesitate as I had done with the first surgery ten years ago.  Horribly, due to the pandemic, there was a tremendous backlog of patients basically for all surgeons. At first,  the earliest date was six months out. Grim. But I was hopeful and persistent and got a somewhat earlier date due to a cancellation. Still, the wait has been difficult. Pain increasingly awful and then inability to walk more than several yards instead of miles. The big ouch on a daily basis.

Once I had the date for surgery, as was true ten years ago, I was handed a binder called "My Joint Journey" [I am not making this up]. In it was the lush detail of how to prepare for surgery, how to prepare your house, the very necessary exercises that they recommended prior to surgery and  after surgery. Not exactly stimulating reading unless you're about to voluntarily go under the knife.

Things change. I went from the most reluctant candidate for surgery to the most impatient. Not being able to walk very far greatly influenced my turn around. I was reminded of this when, years ago, I witnessed my cat who ordinarily turned tail and ran at the sight of the cat carrier, actually walked into it after his last fight with the local bully racoon. Then the very good Mr. G took him to the vet to get patched up with hardly a guttural protest of a meow. Goes to show that when you need care, you want it ASAP. I lucked out --- someone cancelled and I got in for  this upcoming surgery two months earlier than was originally scheduled.

I knew that I was in the best of hands, I'd used this good doctor for the surgery 10 years ago. So again, my logical brain has finally kicked in to comfort me. This happens when I board an airplane, I always say to myself, "I can't fly this plane so I surrender all control to the pilot." My surgeon, a jewel of a man, radiates enthusiasm and confidence. Believe me that helps enormously. He's my pilot, I surrender control to him.

The night before surgery we'll stay with my son's family and that is always a treat and comforting. 

After surgery, I've decided that I'll spend one night in the hospital. Because we live so far away, it is condoned, thank goodness. Mostly these days they kick the recipient of this surgery out that very day. My doctor said "most people really want to go home to their own beds". Well, if I lived in the area that might be a keen idea. 

The hospital experience last time was excellent, it is a well oiled machine with caring professional nurses. I kept jokingly saying to the nurses that this was "my spa experience" and part of me was absolutely serious. OK, no mani/pedis or facials or massages but loving attention and concern about me and my experience in the hospital. Hoping this will still be the case.

This time I am eager and hopeful. At home I have also been very cautious, just like when Covid was raging. I'm not leaving my home and instead have had tea parties with all my girlfriends, individually, all meetings outside. Gratefully the weather has cooperated.

I'm not lonely I have Mr. G who is so caring and kind and with the tea parties I have tons of support from my friends. Win/win. 

susansmagicfeather copyright 2023 Susan R. Grout