Queen Christina
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas
I was visiting my son and daughter in law let me in on the world of genealogy through ancestry.com. She had done extensive research of our families. Some of it was profoundly moving, like finding that both of our families had relatives named Silas in the distant past. We never knew this when they named my first grandson Silas. There is a thrill to read about long ago relatives and their triumphs and achievements. Then she said something that has stuck with me, "and some of our relatives have just vanished, like smoke, only their birth and death are recorded, nothing in between." I have been chewing on this ever since. We talked for awhile and finally I said, "I guess that's why I've felt compelled to do a blog and write not only memories but some therapy tricks that I've wanted to share from being in the business for 40 years." She nodded and said, "yeah, everyone needs to leave their mark." I agreed.
This is not the only time that I have felt compelled to reach out to the world and leave a mark. Several years ago I realized that I always joked about my guitar playing saying, "I've played for more 40 years and have never improved." Finally I thought, "well I should do something about that" and signed up for a short series of guitar lessons. My teacher, Scott had a blessedly fabulous sense of humor and was kind and generous in his teaching methods. He met me where I was [boringly predictable, folk guitar] and challenged me to go beyond. I said, "I love old jazz standards" and he showed me about a dozen different chords told me to pick about a dozen songs and I was off.
'Humbling' is the best word I can think of to describe my early attempts at jazz. I am not one to take that lying down and so I practiced at least an hour a day and by God I improved. He seemed pleased and I as usual need to have a goal instead of endlessly practicing for nothing I thought it might be time to perform in public. At the time, my sisters Sally, Chinmayo and I had a trio called "Sibling Revelry" and had given many performances over a ten year period. Sally had been contacted by a group to do a benefit concert for the victims of Hurricane Katrina [late 2005] and she said "we'd be happy to perform." So I whipped myself into shape to do "Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans," fitting for the occasion. Mind you, this was a song with a difficult singing range and certainly not easy chords, but what the heck, the venue was to be in a church. My thought was "great acoustics in a small church" which could help maximize my newly learned skills, masking any insecurities I might have about the event. I blithely prepared for the concert.
In my imagination we were to perform in a tiny country church, nestled in the woods, with a cheerful crowd of thirty five. We arrived at night on Bainbridge Island to a grand cathedral like building and, oh-oh, I instantly started to lose my bravado. Hundreds of people showed up, packing the church to a standing room only crowd. We were scheduled first on the program, and much worse, my number was to open the show. "Why did I agree to do this?" was the sole thought careening around my head. I cast a worried look at my sisters. Sally said, "this is not about you, it's for the victims of the hurricane..." "Right you are," I said and took a deep breath, and by my little myself went out on stage and played. I would love to tell you that I brought down the house. That would be a gross exaggeration, but I was OK and I made no mistakes. A friend who was there said I was very "poised" which is a nice way of saying "adequate". Guess that was better than what happened to Sally. She had put new strings on her guitar and tried to play it but the guitar kept going flat. We survived because as sisters we have 'genetically engineered voices' and do rockin' harmonies and sang old songs and the crowd loved that and us. So altogether, not bad.
Thank goodness we went first. We gratefully waltzed off the stage with the profound relief that we did OK, and went to enjoy the rest of the show. The people who performed after us were all very polished mostly professional musicians and I would have been ill, and put my head down and wept if we had to go last.
To attain happiness in another world we need only to believe something, while to secure it in this world, we must do something.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman
I am from a family of very accomplished people, among us are successful restaurateurs, artists, authors, teachers, musicians, and writers. Almost everyone has left their mark: books, paintings, installations, songs, Cd's, poems etc. To date I have several accomplishments of which I am inordinately fond. The first is my story that was read on NPR. 'The Vinyl Cafe' read my story titled it "Boo Boo the Cat". [My title for the story was "Be Careful What You Ask For"] When we heard my name and then the story read for our entire country and Canada to hear, we all cheered, it was quite a thrill for me. The second was a lecture that I gave in Victoria along with my pal Laurie Strong to 250 people at a convention about how to successfully recover from difficulties. The third was singing with my sisters [the above mentioned Sibling Revelry] and also singing with all five sisters at the San Juan Co. fair in 1997. This has been a joy and I relish the fun we've had singing for many years. Sibling Revelry went back and forth from Forks to Friday Harbor many times. We even did a "Y2K Farewell Tour" twice. We would probably do another if our public demanded it.
The fourth is something very few people know about and if you know nothing else about me, you should know this. In 1958 I was crowned "Queen of All Parks" in Evanston, Il. I had to compete for that title, I was eleven years old. Those of you who do know me might find it hard to believe that I would subject myself to a beauty contest and you would be right, it was a talent contest. I was small and skinny but at the audition I came roaring out on stage in a cowgirl outfit twirling a lariat over my head, but that's not all. I did cartwheels while twirling [one handed] and back bends too! Sally said, "you made the cover of the Evanston Review" an honor. I was also on the Chandler Park float for the 4th of July parade in Evanston which was a smokin' big deal in those days. So there. Talk about accomplished! The beauty of being only 11 was that I wasn't one bit nervous, my Mother was, but not I. How times have changed. I do get a bit hyped prior to a performance now, but once it starts I truly love it- like the 11 year old inside of me.
Do Not Go Gentle in that Good Night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Dylan Thomas
Marking life is, I believe, imperative for dozens of reasons, most importantly it can bring you joy and then it is good to have a storehouse of great memories to draw upon in darker moments. Since all of life is energy, we know that from physics, using your allotted energy for the good of others and the world is truly a worthwhile endeavor. Whether your legacy is writing, children, words, deeds, music or donations, do it now, don't put it off and do it with enthusiasm.
I realize that some of you are doing all you can just to raise those children, do your jobs and find time for relaxation. But I also know that machines [cell phones, TV] are sucking the life out of many of us and robbing people of their creative energy. This does feel a bit ironic as I sit here at the computer. Stop laughing.
Wild women who caught and sang the sun in flight,
and learn, too late, they grieve it on its way... how bright their frail deeds
might have danced in a green bay.
Dylan Thomas with apologies
Did I mention that no one gets out of this world alive? While we are here why not make this as pleasant and meaningful a journey as possible. Dancing, preferably with a lariat over your head while singing, seems like as good an endeavor as I can think of. Add to that constantly finding amusement and laughter each day, and you have a pretty good set up for happiness.
For now, when I see you, I don't expect a gift or a crown, but you may bow or curtsy to the Queen of all Parks.
susansmagicfeather 2023 Susan R. Grout
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| singing at mom's memorial |
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| sisters plus sister in law |
