It Is A Wonderful Life, With Luck

The influence of a beautiful, hopeful, helpful character is contagious and may revolutionize a whole town.                Eleanor H. Porter



Longing to return to Venice at night, fantasizing for myself

When I am confronted by a gloomy Gus or a hopeless Hannah in counseling I sometimes like to use other people, to broaden the scope, as the ones to emulate. If I can't think of someone real off the top of my head [and a further concern, in this small town someone who might be recognizable] I'll turn to books or the movies. Many people erroneously believe what they present in counseling are the feelings that they're 'stuck' with for life. "Untrue!", I say, "do you remember the story of "It's A Wonderful Life"? [I haven't had a "No" response yet.] Well there are many lessons from that story about how life can change. Can you think of any?" If they need their memory refreshed, they take the movie out of the library to view and then I let them ponder and report back.

Here is a partial list of the ideas from the movie that they come up with.

1. There are disappointments, unexpected problems, deceitful people, but also good people who reward you for your ability to love and be loyal.
2. Do what's right even if you think you may not be rewarded. Life can turn out better than you can imagine.
3. The future is unpredictable [except that we're all gonna die...] and  life can turn out differently, sometimes sweeter. 
4. Problems always seem darkest at night or in bad weather.
5. Family and friends are more important than financial success.
6. It's always a good idea to be generous, expecting nothing in return.
7. Worrying doesn't make things better, the illusion is that you'll come up with a solution. Better to put your nose to the grindstone.
8. It's important to tell the ones you love what your troubles and fears are.
9. Remember to ask for help, everyone needs it sometimes.
10. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets it's wings. [I just threw that in].

Another movie that packs an important lesson is "Life is Beautiful". Not as many people have seen this movie so I encourage them to watch it. This little film takes place in a concentration camp during WWII, a father and son are sent to the same place. Unbelievably, the father convinces the son [who is about 5 years old] that there is riotous fun in the camp.  This goes along with Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning [he is a Psychiatrist and a Holocaust survivor], wherein he states, "the Nazi's took everything from us, even our bodily hair, but they couldn't take our attitudes." And the movie father, in a superlative act of love, displays the most outrageous and funny attitude toward the Nazis in an effort to make his son laugh. Not only touching but reminds all of us that if we laugh/mock troubles we can survive with elan.

For a more modern movie the newest one that I believe has a good message is the delightful movie, "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel". In this movie the "geeziers" that were "outsourced" to retire in India all arrive there with very different expectations. Although  each person had something that they were expecting to happen in India, most of it didn't turn out they way they thought it would. Some better, but in very unpredictable ways. The ones that fared the best were open to the goodness of new experiences and were willing to change.

A smart sister who reaches for the light in life.

The point of all of this is, life is not predictable and it is how you handle the left curves of life that can make the difference between surviving and thriving. I'm into thriving, laughter, surprises and joy myself.

So, I always say, "why not fantasize for yourself rather than against yourself." Here is a short list on coaxing what you want to  have in your life.

1. Get a picture of what you'd like to be or how you'd like things to be in the future.
2. Write that sentence down as though it is happening in the present tense.
3. Pick a date it in the future when you expect that divine sentence to become reality.
4. Draw a picture of yourself being that future delighted person.
5. Keep that sentence and/or picture handy and look at it daily. [I have traditionally used  3 x 5 cards since I was doing workshops in the '80's...]
6. Live as though what you hope will occur will happen.
7. Fantasize for yourself instead of against yourself.

This is what I've done for over thirty years and my success rate is well into the ninety percent range. Not bad. Use this above recipe for fantasizing for yourself. Makes me happy just to recall all of the success I've had with this little technique. As the old Yiddish joke goes, "it can't hurt".

susansmagicfeather copyright 2012 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

Remembering a Friend

There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends.  That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first. When you learn to live for others, they will live for you.                                                 Pramahansa Yogananda 

I had surgery several weeks ago and after my surgery the people of this community were fantastic. They dropped off dinners, books, magazines and other delights. As I mentioned Mr. G and I didn't cook a meal for three weeks. This was absolutely true for my old friends, Jim and Judy. J & J arrived on a sunny day, a week after my surgery with a Coleman cooler stuffed full of food. Judy said, "Jim made this happen." He had cooked short ribs with a rich gravy, mashed potatoes and venison chili. Judy made an apple pie and apple crisp. Such bounty! I was touched and so grateful. Then, the piece de resistance, they also brought a lunch that day for all of us. We all sat out on our deck downing delicious sandwiches, drinking sodas and talking about our old friendship of more than thirty years.

"What a treat!" I said to them and Jim said,  "I bet I win for best and most food brought to a convalescing friend". "Yes, yes, you do!" I said and laughed. Jim did win in the giving and generosity category for my convalescence. He also won for years of generous service.

Jim had a history of showing up in the thirty five years that we knew him, especially when a family member was in trouble with alcohol. Jim was right there to share his experience, strength and hope. Many years ago he told my son who was first in line for the parties, "right now you're in an elevator going down. At any time you can push the button to go back up, but the further down you go the harder it is and it takes more time." This advice was given more than twenty years ago and it still reverberates with my son.

This was a man who got excessive joy from bringing cheer to others. He could fill a room or even a store for that matter. He would walk into a store and soon have all the clerks chuckling at his lively sense of humor. His greatest joy besides his wife Judy was his daughter and his two grandsons. He lived to be 'Odie' [his nick name for Grandpa]. It is my belief if there was an Olympic medal for grand parenting he would have walked away with the gold. When I said this to his mother in law she said, "and for parenting!"

Jim died on Friday October 26 of a pulmonary embolism, unexpectedly and suddenly. We all will miss him, his hearty laugh, his generosity and his love.

 A lovely story that my friend Judy tells is that when she was living in Hawaii and Jim was in California he used to send ee cummings poems with his love letters. "That is how he courted me and won my heart," Judy said. Here is the poem that we read at Jim's memorial. To Judy from Jim, may he rest in peace Amen.

i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me  (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it  (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me-- is your doing,  my darling)

i fear no fate

(for you are my fate, my sweet)

i want no world

(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are-

whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud  and the sky of the sky

of a tree called life; which grows higher

than the soul  can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder   that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart  (i carry it in my heart)

susansmagicfeather copyright 2012 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved