Happy New Year with Pictures

Happy New Year!

We were traveling during the Christmas season and so didn't get a chance to send out cards [as if we faithfully do this each year] so here is the visual explanation of our holiday. 

At first we were with Josh's family in Larkspur, Ca. and then we traveled to Monterey again to visit their world class Aquarium. Kids look like something out of the new Star Wars set but in fact they are adorned with a get up 
the Aquarium staff uses to feed the various animals, especially the otters. Great fun.  

Gorgeous octapus

 Mr. G and I sincerely believe that we brought the NW weather to Ca. and a partial end to the drought with our visit. Record rainstorms. However, next day was more like what Californians are used to and we went to a lovely beach in Carmel before our trek back to the city.
 





Christmas day was a hit with the kids and the grown kids. Josh cooked up a storm with a rack of lamb, brussel sprouts with bacon and parmesan and a dessert of apple cobbler. Quite a feast.
 Onward to Zach and Anne's house for our extended celebration in Bothell area. We had a grand time with them and the grands. Such good treatment for two very grateful grandparents.  

Blessings and good wishes to you all for a successful, healthy, happy  2016.


susansmagicfeather  copyright 2015 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

If I Were Queen I'd Have a Scrooge and Mr. Potter Recovery Program

Our beautiful world

A saintly man carrying a sick child

If I were queen I would add a few new rules to the constitution. I would demand that all people who are going into business or into politics watch both Christmas movies that I just watched and act according to the good lessons contained therein. The movies are "It's a Wonderful Life" [1946] and "A Christmas Carol" [1951, written by Charles Dickens in 1843]. The reasons are quite simple, I believe that today many people are turning into the unredeemed Scrooge and the evil Mr. Potter and don't give a fig about their fellow humans. [Which, BTW is the definition of a sociopath.] 

For many reasons this is quite disconcerting and depressing. Examples of the Potter/Scrooge syndrome abound: Walmart forcing most of it's employees to be part time and then making sure they apply for welfare; CEO's of big companies making 1,300 % more than their employees; several of the candidates for the highest office in our country advocating a unfair rejection of immigrants from war torn countries; big businesses regularly reducing their employees benefits and pay; many in the House and the Senate are actively trying to take away medical benefits of the affordable care act; many attempting to erase Planned Parenthood which serves women and finally, many politicians are trying to make voting as difficult as possible for many citizens. In my book this all adds up to the evil Mr. Potter and the unredeemed Mr. Scrooge. Watch the movies if your memories are hazy about these two men and see if you don't agree.

Both stories are uplifting, yet only Scrooge is saved from his cold, narrow, heartless ways. Mr. Potter remains evil/greedy until the end. Depressingly, just imagine if George Bailey was running for office, sad to say he would be castigated for being kind, generous and a liberal thinker. Potter would be praised for his tough minded business sense. As for Scrooge, he got the message, developed a heart and learned to keep the Christmas spirit every day of the year.

I'd like to spark a 'Scrooge redemption' movement. I'd encourage change for good in all the recently produced societal sociopaths. I'd have them volunteer with the homeless and require them to listen to their life stories. I'd have them try to live on the pathetically inadequate pay a single mother receives. I'd have them volunteer in the children hospitals where the parents of very sick children are in danger of losing their insurance. I'd do all this and would it make a difference? I suspect except for the really crusty individuals, it would. 

What's interesting is ironically, study after study has shown that altruism is very rewarding in the here and now, increases your feeling of good will. You'd think the sociopaths would get the message. In the Scrooge redemption center we would have coaches encourage positive changes for the good of all humans. Hopefully this would halt the sociopaths in their selfish, hurtful thinking as  they got to know and serve the less fortunate among us. One also hopes this would revive the feeling of empathy as a positive value.  Remember, I am queen and can command this.

Here is a partial list of the ideas from the two movies that I believe can promoted change.  Remember:

1. Life can be filled with disappointments, unexpected problems, deceitful people, but also remember there are good people who can reward you for your ability to love and be loyal.
2. Do what's right even if you think you may not be rewarded. Life can turn out better than you can imagine.
3. The future is unpredictable [except that we're all gonna die] and life can turn out differently, sometimes sweeter, so it can't hurt to be hopeful. 
4. Problems always seem darkest at night or in bad weather.
5. Family and friends are more important than financial success.
6. Love is much more rewarding in so many ways than hate and selfishness.
7. It's always a good idea to be generous, expecting nothing in return.
8. Worrying doesn't make things better. The illusion with ruminating is that you'll come up with a solution. Better to put your nose to the grindstone, write a list and then brainstorm with others for mutual benefit.
9. It's important to tell the ones you love what your troubles and fears are. It is so much easier to share life's burdens.
10. Remember to ask for help, everyone needs it sometimes.
11. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets it's wings. [I just threw that in].
12. Money can't buy me love. [OK so I threw that in too.]

the pal who hugs is always dear

Remember, kindness doesn't cost a cent and it's rewards are vast and deep. So to all the young people out there, please do imitate the people who are loving, kind and generous instead of all the fear mongers, the greedy ones and the insensitive people. Life can be lovely if you are loving. Get out there and love!

susansmagicfeather copyright 2019 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

End of 2015, A Goodbye in Pictures

Kauai in  January

April

The holidays are upon us and so here is my annual post on the year that was. Hope you enjoy the viewing as much I enjoyed the doing.
I love looking back on the highlights of the year and feel grateful beyond words that all these people are in my life.

Thanks Juning with Senja, Trisha, Sally and top row he who shall not be named, Oshea, Chin , me  and Bob in background

May in SF with the Josh's and  Jocelyn and Kevin

Yikes! June at the ocean with the Zach's: James, Lauren, me and Anne and shark

We did all are usual trips: to LA for Thanks juning; to SF area to see Josh's family; the tulip fields in April; a resort in June with Zach's family and of course Groutfest here at home and guitar camp with sisters Trisha and Sally.
A new trip for us was to New Orleans for a week with Sally and Kathleen and friends Jack and Eve. New Orleans is luscious and we explored the food and music scene diligently each day. Great fun.

The dance at guitar camp with Sally, me, Trisha and Steve

Fun on boats with Vail and Jocelyn in August

Kathleen comes to save the Day with Chin and Sally and Vail--
helping out Sally after her operation

This has been a wonderful year. One of many visits from family and to family. We are blessed to have a lively group of relatives who we actually like as well as love. We so relish the time we have together.

Seattle with Anne, Zach and Josh and the grands

Highlight of Groutfest a water balance beam

The Josh's in Sept.

New Orleans in November

more NOLA

Thanksgiving at Vail and Jonathan's: John Robert, me, the mystery man, Josh, Uma, Chin, Ella and Jonathan

Than

In all our summer biking glory


Thanks everyone for reading and have a great Christmas and a very happy New Year.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2015 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved.

On Promoting Positive Changes

Another terrorist attack this time in San Bernardino, Ca. and my greatest fear is that the nation will fall asleep yet again and do nothing. It is going to take a huge concerted effort to change this country's mind set from the hopeless/helpless mode into the activitist mode but I believe it can be done.

After the tragedy in Roseburg, Oregon I saw that it's necessary to point out how inadequate our discussion of gun control truly is. I was surprised to read that the spokes person for the NRA wrote an article in the Seattle Times proclaiming that it is not the guns, but the mentally ill who are doing all the killing and we need better care for them. Well, yes, that is partly true. This was certainly not true of the terrorist couple in San Bernardino. On the other hand it is hand guns, assault rifles, machine guns and guns left unlocked in people's homes that are killing our children and citizens. It is not one thing that accounts for all these tragedies. Many changes must be made. It is not an "either/or" argument but a both/and statement. 

Here is the part that is correct: we do need more protection for all our citizens from the violent mentally ill with suicidal tendencies. Here is the part pointedly omited: we need, today, to get rid of the assault weapons, and the machine guns and we need stronger background checks and we need to make it mandatory that every citizen who owns a gun have it properly locked up. So many preventable accidents have happened because guns were carelessly available to children and depressed or violent individuals. What is so frightening about having background checks in place? Why on earth does any citizen need to own an assault rifle or a machine gun? Think people, why does the NRA bribe politicians? who do you suppose are the biggest donaters and promoters of the NRA? Why,  it would be the arms manufacturers! What a stunning suprise! If the NRA and all it's members are so passionate about "it's all the fault of the mentally ill" exactly where are their enormous financial contributions to prevention and treatment programs for the mentally ill? I ask you. Surprised again?

I find it unbelievably sad that one of the richest countries in the world incarcerates the mentally ill in jails all over our country. Ask anyone who works in the prisons and they'll tell you that there are many inmates who just don't belong there. First up are the mentally ill who stop taking their medications and then awful things ensue from them or to them. Mostly they get taken advantage of and get arrested for being out of line. They truly are out of line and out of their minds but no one is asking, that's too complicated. What do we do with them? Into the slammer they go where the possibility of treatment is zilch. No treatment at all. This is not only sad but nutty if you do a cost analysis. [google and see what several years ago Connecticut's Governor concluded]. This has to stop. The truth is a tiny percent of the people who are mentally are dangerous and violent. Still we, thanks to starting with the Reagan administration, are ignoring prevention, intervention and treatment programs for the mentally ill.  Why is no one addressing this issue?  Out of sight out of mind, really simplistic thinking for an otherwise advanced society.

So happily the NRA is going to put their money where their mouth is, right? They claim they are concerned, so it only makes logical sense that they would step up. Right?

Speaking of concern exactly what, if anything, is going on in the heads of many people who value the lives of some animals over the lives of people? These individuals went cuckoo when the picture of the magnificent Cecil the lion was murdered in Africa by the smug dentist and wanted ACTION NOW for that horrible event. [It was sickening...]Yet where are they with all that energy to aid in the fight against the mass murders right here, right now in our own country of innocent people, even children? Is it because it's people and not animals that are being murdered? Surely we have evolved with enough emotional maturity to have some empathy for human suffering. How is praying for the families and then supporting the NRA, or the people who are beholden to the NRA not a travesty?

This can be changed. If the Aussies can do it we can too. It's been almost 20 years since they have had a terrorist attack in their country. They outlawed assault weapons. Who is going to stand up to the NRA, the arms manufacturers?  Clearly we can't count on the politicians who are accepting "donations" from them.  What is needed is outlawing assault weapons, outlawing any future gun that can rapidly maim or kill people, insisting on background checks, allowing for a 72 hour wait period, at least.

What gives with the vehemence and cruelty denying those of us who would prefer some order and sense in dealing with guns instead of this outmoded 19th century old west approach? It shouldn't shock you to know when cars were new in the early part of the last century there was a terrible fight to have no speed limits, no stop signs, no traffic cops...surely you see where I'm going with this. A car can be a lethal weapon and needs to be regulated and those who misuse their privilege are punished. So tell me why this cannot apply to guns? This is 2015, 100 years after the fight for traffic/automobile rules and regulations. We need something this definitive for the entire gun industry and we are going to have to demand it.

Those of you who are in the state of  Washington, please join me in support of the Washington Alliance for Gun Responsibility with a check. But all of us need to take action. One way is to text 64433, it is for the organization called "Everytown" They state,  "Today and every day we come together to say: WE CAN end gun violence". Please do this, we can't just give up. That is hopeless/helpless thinking and just exactly where abusive people want you to be. Here is a good article about the NRA: Mother Jones piece, “The NRA is Losing Its Grip on Power.”

I just got this update that the US Senate just voted down 2 strong gun bills.  Contact these legislators, tell them they are on notice. Next, encourage them to take MANY steps to eliminate violence and senseless death by guns in this country. Tell them, "the repercussion for these unethical acts, against the will of the people, is that we will donate to your opponents in the next election." 

about to blow my top over the inactivity on the gun issues.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2015 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

Traveling the South, Adventures in NOLA

Sally, Eve, Kathleen, Jack, Mr, G and Susan

With the Shumans

Now that I'm home and the wind is whipping the deck chairs around like a square dance, the rain is fierce and sideways, I'm thinking back to the trip we just took to the south and the warmth.
New Orleans is a big welcoming city filled with friendly people who said hello to us strangers as they pass by on the street. For me and Mr. G this trip was all about the food: scrumptious and filling and the music, same adjectives.

We arrived and Eve and Jacks, friends from Port Angeles, took us to a favorite BBQ place, Voodoo BBQ. It lived up to its reputation of being wickedly good. We ate and told tales from our respective pasts mostly involving high jinks and much hilarity ensued. 

Got up the next morning and went to the 'Trolley' for the breakfast that included their version of hashbrowns - like mashed potatoes with an attitude, plenty of cajun spices. We took the actual trolley [streetcar] that ran outside our hotel down to the French Quarter. It's been more than twenty years since Mr. G and I were in NOLA and much is the same and much has changed. The houses are still well kept with their balconies overlooking the streets that have flower boxes are filled with plants and flowers. The streets and avenues are still jammed with tourists. Didn't hurt that the weather was perfect. 

We started on Bourbon street and were appauled by the number of drunk, homeless kids we encountered and the sleazy shops with "girls, girls, girls" advertised. We avoided that street after that first day. We walked and ended up at the French market and the six of us had a snack. Some of the group went to 'Central Grocery' for huge Muffaletta sandwiches, stuffed with olive tapanade, cold cuts, vinegrette, tomatoes, cheeses all on a crisp french roll. Happily they shared and Mr. G and I took our part to a bench outside an open air restaurant that had terrific jazz. On the street we ran into Jim and Kate Shuman from Friday Harbor, imagine the odds...

We made our way back in the afternoon to the hotel to swim in the tiny pool. It was too hot for the hot tub. After that a necessary lie down because we were going out that night to hear a band that my brother recommended. We walked and walked and finally arrived at 'd.b.a.' where the band "The Tin Men" played and ecclectic mix of zydeco, jazz, original and traditional tunes on their sousaphones, guitar and washboards. Good dancing music.

Day three we boarded the Steamboat Natchez for a two hour ride down the Mississippi River in all its muddy glory. It was the lunch cruise and the catfish, gumbo, red beans and rice were surprisingly good. Again it was hot so we were grateful to be aboard. Interesting history lesson from the captain about paddle boats and the war of 1812. We won. That night went to a place that Jack found --Deanie's-- and had excellent fish and seafood. We do love to eat.

On the Fourth day we went to a favorite place of Eve and Sally's called 'Cochon' that served, surprise, lots of pork and cajun dishes. We loved all of our meals and passed tastes around the table for everyone to enjoy.  Sally and I went to the Ogden Art Museum,, quite a treat in that they had a lot of local artists represented, unfamiliar to us. One painting in particular I admired. As I was about to snap a picture I mentioned to the woman beside me that the painting looked like a Thomas Hart Benton and she said, "that's because the artist studied with him. He was black, unusual in that era." She is in profile in the picture.

Day five brought the threatened rain and so Sally and I decided to go to the New Orleans Museum of Art which Sally had been to last year but wanted to go again especially because of the outdoor sculpture garden. It more than lived up to the accolades and we were especially transfixed by the special show of masks by a Japanese artist. Didn't hurt that the cafe had a dandy lunch also.

The collection of art from all the centuries was impressive as well. We ambled along and it was a perfect, calm way to spend a rainy afternoon is a city known for its excesses. Sally is great also because she is well versed in art through the ages and it was most instructive to walk with her.  Outside, still rainy but we persisted and went to the sculpture garden and what a garden of delights it was! 

 The above picture is of a Boltero and the one below is by __________, [forgot to write it down] but I loved it most of all. From one angle you can see the man at the bottom and on his shoulders is another man crouching, and on his shoulders is another man [smaller] crouching, all the way to a teeny man on top. Gorgeous. Looks like a spine.

That night, in the pouring rain, we went to the 'Fais Do Do', where there was dancing with several bands taking turns and again good music. The highlight though for all of us was going to hear Delfeayo Marsalis and his Uptown Jazz band. 15 of them: horns, piano, drums squeezed on a not very big stage at the Snug Harbor jazz club. Truly heavenly for two hours. A rich and very full day. Adult stimulation at its finest.

 On the sixth day we rested, not really just liked the sound of that. Instead we headed for St. Augustine church which was founded by the Ursiline nuns in 1823 for aiding slaves and it was and is the most integrated church in the country. We went for the Gospel choir that had a sax as well as drums and the obligatory organ. Lovely. After mass we were starving and decided to go for brunch at 'Buffas' which was jam packed. It was worth the wait. Are you surprised to hear there was a jazz band that played old favorites? "St. James Infirmary", 5' 2" eyes of blue...etc. They call themselves 'Some Like It Hot' and they were. Three women and three men.

Susan, Kathleen, Sally and Eve hiding behind the lamppost.

Next we walked down Esplanade Street which had many lovely historic homes. Because we were so full we skipped dinner and had drinks in the courtyard at the hotel and laughed about everything. Kath left the next morning at 4am. We didn't see her off.

On the seventh day, we still didn't rest and instead Mr. G and I took the trolley down town and walked into the Louisana St. supreme courthouse. Beautiful stately [no pun] building that had a pictoral exhibit of the rights of women starting in 1639. Go figure. We then walked to Herbsaint restaurant and met up with the other three and had a fabulous lunch that we lingered over. Kathleen sent a text that she was enjoying her day at her home in a hammock. Think we wore her out.

Sally, Eve and Jack went to the WWII museum and Mr. G and I went to the part with the interactive films and the airplanes suspended over head and the tanks and ambulances.  The building was gigantic and had cat walks so you could view the suspended planes from above. War tends not to be my favorite topic but since it was almost veterans day and my Dad served in WWII on a ship in Okinowa [the worst place to be in the pacific] I was touched by the stories and the bravery and sacrifice of the men and women. 

view from below of the planes of WWII

 On our last day we rested, no wrong again. Sally, Eve and I went to a small cafe for Quiche and then I walked through one of the ancient cemetaries. They are in very poor repair and sadly neglected though quite popular with the tourists. Everyone has to be buried above ground because the water table is so low. Makes for a moldering experience. Cremation anyone?

sometimes in life things really do line up

Our last excursion was to the Audobon Zoo, a real pleasure. After the rain it was much cooler and we wandered the entire park reveling in the varied wildlife which we just don't see in the NW. My favorite was the Swamp/Bayou exhibit and we got to pet a baby alligator. 

They are quite ferocious, though oddly cute and my fingers smelled like fish even after I washed them twice after the petting. 

Took the trolley back to the hotel to pick up our bags and made a quick trip to the Voodoo for our last Jambalaya, gumbo, pulled pork extravaganza. Had to. 

It was a glorious trip and I would love to return. Since I am still tired perhaps I will learn the value of pacing myself next time. Just kidding.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2015 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved.

To Retire or Not to Retire, That is the Question

 Over the many years of my various careers I never really considered retirement. After all I sat and listened for a living and figured I'd be pretty good at doing that well into my eighties. But people change and so did I. 

Having counseled many people who retired, some successfully and joyfully and others who clearly flunked retirement, I thought I'd write my best thoughts on this subject.

There are obvious givens for retirement that have been hammered away by any financial publication you can put your hands on: you need enough money to do so. It's prudent to not take your social security too early as it will limit the amount you will get each month. Blah, blah, blah. 

I'm not going there with the money issue, I'd rather handle the psychological issues that no one really ever addresses. The people who flunked retirement had some definitive problems and here are some of the difficulties that they brought into my office.

1. They retired without a game plan of what they were going to do in their retirement. They fooled themselves thinking they had to retire because of their age even though they really didn't want to or were properly prepared for retirement.
2. They were fearful to try new things.
3. They'd been pushed into living in a new place and were lonely and missed their old home and friends. 
4. They were overly dependent on their partner or spouse and drove that person to the brink with their neediness.
5. They were depressed and felt useless.
6. They were afraid that they acted too hastily, that the money wasn't going to be enough that they had no clue as what to do next. 
7. Their days loomed ahead with no sign of enjoyment.

This is a fairly depressing list and yet it's not an uncommon one for those who are flunking retirement. So here's a partial list of what needs to be done to snap out of it and reverse the curse.

1. Construct a game plan of things you've always wanted to do but couldn't because you worked. One man took up tennis said, "I clearly stink at it but I enjoy learning to be more physical and it's fun."
2. Brainstorm what in this enormous world you would like to know more about. One dear woman got a course on "Understanding and Learning About Opera" for herself and enlisted a friend to join her. They then, to their great delight, started attending operas regularly.
3. Examine with new eyes if this place you've landed can provide you with some new enjoyment. Make an effort to meet new friends. Give it at least six months then make a decision. One couple moved from a loved community in another state and were pining for their old home and community. We carefully outlined the pros and cons of the move and ultimately they decided to really settle in. Twelve years later I see them as important members of our small community.
4. Bond with a group or organization: a church, library, garden or a bike club or a twelve step program like Al anon or AA. It doesn't much matter what you pick but it's essential to get out of the house and involved with someone other than your spouse.
5. On the issue of feeling useful, I usually prescribed volunteering.  "Find a cause that you care about and see how you can fit into helping them," I said. Again, this big world of ours can use every bit of positive energy people have available.
6. If you are overly concerned about your finances, find a financial planner and talk over the money concerns. One time my own mother was fretting about money [when she really didn't need to] so I suggested "fill your bathtub with a thousand one dollar bills and get in". Long pause on the other end of the phone. I grant you this was kind of mean but she never complained to me about money again. 
7. Those of you who can't stop worrying about the days looming ahead: if in fact you have done all of the above, waited six months and are still moping about being retired look into getting another job and do go back to work. In my experience, I must say, this was mostly the male clients that flunked retirement or the few women who retired too early. 

The reason I do well in retirement [even though I didn't have anything of a game plan, shame on me] was my husband, dear Mr. G, had proceeded me in retirement by more than a year. He says, "it took me some time to get use to retirement... about seven minutes." This is a man who worked hard and diligently, at least sixty hours a week. Also he commuted four hours weekly to come home on the weekends. He typically woke up each day at 6:30 AM, and then it was a non stop and hectic experience being responsible for a large staff. He was so ready for retirement even though he truly loved his job. Now that he is retired he insists that I wake him, preferably with coffee, by 8:30AM.

 So, with Mr. G's example, I had a role model for enjoying retirement.  There a vast many ways a retirement can work and be joyful, here's some of the reason retirement works for me. I have many hobbies. I like community involvement. I have a large family that we visit all over the country. I have many friends to pal around with. I enjoy volunteering. 

Hobbies: I've played guitar for over fifty years and as I used to say, "and I've never improved." I decided I was going to remedy that and took a few lessons and learned jazz chords. Better. Then I went with three of my sisters to guitar camp. It felt marvelous that I was retired and free from the tug of worrying about work. I truly didn't realize how much other people's problems and thoughts occupied my brain until I was retired.

I've always loved to bike and now do so regularly with a nice group of people on Sundays. Now I'm hiking almost daily when the weather is cooperative. 

Mr. G and I are able to travel without regard to my schedule or his and we've taken many trips to see our large, interesting and wonderful family. 

As my dear mother said, "I don't know what I'd do without books." I concur it's a pleasure for many reasons and I can't imagine my life without one, or a thousand, good books. 

Gardening, especially in the spring after a long winter is soothing to my soul. I'm usually singing when I'm in my garden and watching the birds who come by with their curiosity. 

 Oh, yeah, I like to write. Duh. I'm hoping that this blog serves several purposes--- primarily keeping me involved in the world of psychotherapy and helping others which feels useful indeed. Writing engages my mind and the hours in study and thought is good for me. I love blogging and it's delightful to hear from any of you who choose to read and respond. As Sally says, it is my "senior project" and now that I am a "senior citizen" it's just right. This is my right fit for retirement. Hoping that those of you who are considering retirement will find something useful here.

P.S. The book I've written is being edited and might be ready for publication by June.

susansmagicfeather 2024 Susan R. Grout