When You Think You Stink

I have a new philosophy, I am only going to dread one day at a time.            Charles Schultz

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.                                                   Ted Turner                             

He can't help being trapped in a cage.

These holes were made in the depths of the ocean.

It isn't an accident that people acquire negative self images, but it is not always simple to describe. Much more interesting to me is when people realize that they are lugging around a 500 lb. weight of negativity and then they don't try any measures, no matter how drastic, to shed the bulk of that weight. Instead, they become victims, victims of their unmastered past, victims caught in a spiral of blame and unforgiveness, victims of the vast amount of energy they put into justifying their misery. It's as though, in their negativity, they are trapped in a cage. It is as though the timbers constructing their life have gaping holes and they believe they are unable to fill and fortify. Whew, that's even hard to write about that.

In one of the earlier posts ["Whatever You Do Don't Drop the Watermelon" 6/16/2011] I talk about "watch your self-talk", meaning: observe what you are saying to yourself on a daily [hourly?] basis. If you have been raised by loving supportive parents, school mates who only praised you, friends who constantly boosted your self esteem, lovers who adored you at all times, chances are you'd have a very positive internal dialogue. Then there's the rest of us. At best-- school chums tauntings, at worst-- all kinds of abuse at home. The worst tends to implant some really nasty verbiage floating inside the old cranium.

In another post I wrote about the latest brain research ["Some day I'll Be Positive", 5/18/2011] and the findings that anyone who obsesses and ruminates literally leaves a groove in their brain. Unfortunately this groove lights up whenever the repetitive, obsessive thoughts come in. Nice big rut to fall in and it happens over and over again. The trick is to be aware of this trap and attempt to not to fall repeatedly into the same old thinking.

A woman asks a New Yorker, "How do you get to Carnegie Hall?" He answers, "Practice, practice, practice!" So, goes the old joke and the same applies to overcoming obsessive, negative thinking. Lots of effort.

Gloom we always have with us, a rank and sturdy weed, but joy requires tending.       Barbara Holland

Here is a partial list for overcoming negative thinking.

1. In order to master your past, seek the best help you can find and afford.
2. Develop a sense of personal boundaries.
3. Take risks: if you are withdrawn seek companions, if you are only a social butterfly, develop your solitude skills.
4. Make sure your motivation for what you do in life is out of love, not fear.
5. Stop blaming [yourself and others] and squarely assess situations that are emotionally loaded and find a solution.
6. Rule for perfectionists: the perfect is the enemy of the good, embrace the good.
7. Saving others is merely a ruse for not focusing on yourself and for feeling superior.
8. I've said so before, no one is better than you, no one is worse than you.
9. Tell the truth and run or duck depending on the circumstances.
10. Be willing to trust, be willing to forgive.
11. Be a human being not a human doing.
12. Ask for what you really want.
13. Be compassionate to others and also to yourself.
14. Kiss, kiss, kiss, hug, hug, hug---just for the joy of giving and receiving.

Sounds simple? Well, the execution is difficult but I contend it's far easier than living with 500 pounds of ugly thoughts and feelings. Break free from your cage! Shore up you timbers! Start today. Go get 'um.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2012 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved