magic feather: Flunking Retirement

Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples. George Burns

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed. Anthony Powell

It was new for me to retire, I was only a couple of months away from my sixty seventh birthday and I loved my job as psychotherapist and especially the people who were my clients. But I also knew that I needed more in my life. More stimulation, more challenges and new adventures. One part of me was definitely hesitant to retire because I was reminding myself of several older gentlemen that I'd worked with over the years. These very energetic men were bored out of their skulls in retirement. Being a woman of action, I gave them tasks to do and to my delight and surprise, they did each one. I gave them homework assignments and they turned up at my door with the results. Here is a partial list.

I encouraged them: to do volunteer work with whatever interested them,
to take up or re do a hobby,
to learn a sport or a game they'd never tried before,
to travel to places new to them,
to start or join a book club,
to read all those books that you've saved,
to find a hiking buddy--- preferably one who'll discuss those books,
to take University classes.

All of these men tried on many different hats and the numerous things I suggested and came up with interesting takes on their own. The tests, if you will, lasted about six months and then--- guess it's not a surprise--- many of these men [interestingly very few women] flunked retirement. Also, no surprise many eventually went back to their jobs or took a job they found that they loved. Retirement is not for everyone. I jokingly said they were allowed to flunk retirement.

Also reminiscing I realized that many times in my life I've had the opportunity to retire. Before I had small children I stopped working while pregnant. I pictured that I'd take leisurely long baths, I'd write a novel, I'd go for long walks and I'd make endlessly delicious meals. Then once the babies were born I found it laughable that I even contemplated all the leisure I'd have. Full time and plus was my experience, as is true for most new parents. But the years rolled on and when my littlest one went to kindergarten and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what mothers did with themselves all day long until the children returned from school. I'm sorry to say I found being a stay at home mother boring. So I went to work. My first job was volunteering for our local co operative preschool and I did enjoy that but it wasn't paid position and I decided I needed more plus a salary.

The job I got was working for the newly formed Drug and Alcohol center as a junior counselor. I'd been a psych major and that suited my new boss just fine as qualification for the job. Totally inexperienced for dealing as a counselor, I optimistically pictured myself learning right along with my clients. Little did I know the office was set up to take care of the burgeoning case load in our local district court system. Truly it was a revolving door: in came the court ordered people with their list of problems from drugs or drinking and out they went most often to re-offend and end up with our office again. There were successes and that was gratifying but most of the court referred clients really did not want to be there. I stuck with this crazy system for nine years. Along the way I became familiar with AA and Al anon, many, many workshops and I successfully completed credits for a masters degree in psychology.

Since I had nine years of practice and the new six months of the masters degree under my belt, my mentor and co worker showed me that I could be making approximately twice the money if I started my own counseling practice. I did and I never looked back. Instead of a revolving door, I had a rich, full opportunity each day to work with people who had a vast array of issues that were related to many different areas of their lives. I rarely worked with the courts. It was rewarding to watch as people desired and wanted change and to get healthier and many times became happier.

I loved my work and found that most days were exhilarating rather than exhausting. I was in this lovely profession for almost thirty years. Then as I was nearing my retirement age I decided to finally take the social security and run. Except I didn't. I stayed on a couple of years more. Then a series of events: my husband retired and seemed to thrive in his new freedom, then my beloved Mom died and finally I had to put down a dear faithful cat.

I knew after awhile that needed more in my life. More stimulation, more challenges and I needed to let go of being in charge of another person's welfare. This is hardly a fair statement, I really was just the mountain guide. The client would have to climb that mountain to wellness, with some safety tips.

My sisters announced they were going to attend a guitar workshop that summer and I wanted to join them. So then retirement became a relief and a joy. Interestingly, re read all of those tips and encouragements I gave above for the older gentlemen. Now, it revealed itself to be my list, the list I still adhere to for a rewarding and full retirement. In addition to that list I have a delightful Zoom each week with six other musicians, [two of whom are the sisters], and we write a song and tell stories from our life or experiences on various interesting topics. Also I work for the Democrats locally and have been involved in getting many elected. That work is hard, laborious but ultimately satisfying labor. The latest volunteering has absolutely been the most fun---working for our library in their children's reading program. I play the guitar and sing songs. My fan base in nine months to five years. Bliss.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. Steven Wright

Being of an independent mind I never dreamed of going back to an office but I will never give up the skills I learned from the more than thirty years as a psychotherapist. I love sharing the tips that have helped many people. It was my great privilege to work with all kinds of people, all ages and all nationalities. Though I loved my work I'd grown weary and wanted to travel, to reintroduce myself to writing and my music, and to be with my grandchildren before they became completely disinterested in me. Now I have that freedom and am attempting to make the most of it.