SMALL TOWN THERAPIST ON RAISING SONS

The best letter writer by far was my mom

 I found this old blog post that I'd never finished. It inspired me to write. It also started me on the road to purging some old files.  Ah, but I'm sentimentalist and saved many letters and cards from my entire family for many moons. I'm not alone in this project. My mom was a secret sentimentalist and saved our drawings and some of my letters from camp at Lake Windego. "Dear Mom, all the other kids get letters every day and I get none! Write soon..." Okay, I was 10 years old and, in her defense, she had five kids at home.

After she died in 2010,  we had a grand memorial. Rather than sitting around, my siblings and I cleaned up her "aerie." We found so many little treasures and a vast amount of letters she saved. We decided to split up the many letters and each of us six kids took home a packet that contained letters, drawings and pictures. Our job was to read, or save, or toss.

For the past several hours I've had the pleasure and privilege of going through three big files of family letters, including my share of the packet of letters that mom saved. Reading these treasures from our families' combined history found me sometime in tears, sometimes laughing. Truly, most of the time I spent thinking about the family member and then missing the authors of these delightful missives. In my packet there were letters to my mom filled with gratitude from all of us. We told tales of ordinary life pleasures, like the joy of raising little ones, perils of raising sons, the funny things that small children do and the delightful events of celebrated holidays when we siblings and our families would get together. For many years, none of my siblings and I had much money and we lived great distances apart. So those letters back and forth were cherished.

The favorite letter that my mom saved from me was written in the '80's. I had to read it aloud to my husband who needed to share in the... joy? From the letter:

My mentor Laurie and I were asked to speak at conference in Victoria on the subject of 'Children of Alcoholics.' This was quite a thrill and we got a stand ovation. That was about all we got for our speech...except, they paid for our hotel rooms. Laurie took her son Tyghe and I had Zach and Josh with me, the boys got their own room. Since we were going to be without a car, we asked to stay in Victoria proper, and oh, was that a mistake. We were right in the thick of the bar district during the full moon and the day the unemployment checks came in the mail. Grown men howled from 10pm until 2am, revved their cars and had fist fights approximately right under our window.  At about 1 a.m. I hear this drunk yelling up "jump! jump!" and piercing the night, over the din below comes a recognizable voice saying, "How much will you give me?" It was Joshua. I furious and indignant. I leapt out of bed, rushed down to the boys room to find him leaning out the window, pleasantly bantering with the scene below. Naturally I lost it, and growled all kinds of reproachment to the boy. His reply? "You didn't say we couldn't." True, one doesn't think to tell the children, "Now don't yell out the window to the drunks..."

The next day when I was only slightly less angry I said to Josh, "If you think I got angry last night imagine what your Dad would have done." To which  he answered, adding insult to injury, "If Dad was here I never would have done it."

Several paragraphs later in the letter: "We are now well and fine. However, Thursday night Zach was jumping on a trampoline and hurt himself badly enough that he had trouble driving home. I put him in a hot bath...and he almost passed out. Our neighbor (he's an EMT) came over on his tractor and said he couldn't see any damage but we decided to take Zach to the doctor the next day. Meanwhile Dick is picking up Josh and his friend from school. When driving down the road, suddenly a shot rings out. The rear passenger window is shot out and Josh starts yelling in pain. D not knowing what's going on, turns the car around and roars to the Sheriff's department. Fortunately Josh is more scared than hurt, but the window crumbles, as temper glass will, and falls into our brand new car. Josh had quite the bruise and fortunately we were taking Josh to an Orthopedist the next day for his knees.  After the cortisone shots in his knees, I had Dr. Woo look at the pellet bruise on his back and while he was at it, examine Zach's muscle on his back. Pellet wound for Josh and pulled muscle for Zach. Quite sincerely at the end of the doctor visit, Dr. Woo looks and me and says, "You don't have any more sons I hope."

Happily our sons matured and through the years we've gotten many wonderful cards, phone calls and even letters that I cherish from our sons.

I have an idea, would you consider indulging me and writing any funny stories of raising your sons or daughters. I'd love it and believe everyone needs a good laugh.

Give the old lady a thrill, write 

susansmagicfeather 2026 

SMALL TOWN THERAPIST ON CHANCE ENCOUNERTS

Spring flowers on Mt. Young

 It seems that sometimes serendipity is floating in the air. It's hard to prove this phenomena and yet I try. Some scoff (behind my back) and some just look at me curiously. But here's a few examples of recent little surprises that have delighted me.

My husband and I went for a walk up Mt. Young and when we got to the top along came a party of 10 hikers. My husband heard and noticed that one of the young women in the group had a pronounced brogue. He asked her where she was from. "I'm from Ireland, as is my sister over there." "That's so nice that you've arrived on this lovely spring day." I said. They told us, "We were in Vancouver for a half marathon," she explained, "and we decided to come to the states and see your beautiful island." Then she mentioned, "The rest of us are from Australia and England."  We chatted for a while and then the woman with the lovely brogue noticed that my husband's T shirt had a logo on the front from Lahinch Surf Shop. She exclaimed, "Where did you get that shirt?" and my husband said, "This was my good friend Brad's shirt, he bought it in Ireland when he and his wife traveled there many years ago. His wife gave away, at Brad's memorial, all the many shirts Brad collected from their travels."  Another woman said, "I know that shop it's on the west side of Ireland near where I live!" He then turned around to show the back of the shirt with a huge logo of Lahinch Surf Shop. They proceeded to take pictures of the back of his shirt. We all laughed at the coincidence and then we talked about Ireland and added that my husband's grandfather was born there as was my grandmother, Gertrude Byrne. One of the young woman in the group said that Byrne was her last name. I said, "You never know, we could be relatives, ha." We then told them where some of the bright spots were on our island and pointed the way to a good restaurant that they might enjoy. We left and went down to our car. I positively glowed with appreciation of the tiny special things that can happen in an ordinary day in May.

Interestingly, a couple of years ago--- in that exact same spot, we had a similar occurrence. We hiked, with my brother and sister-in-law Jim and Colleen, up to the top of Mt. Young.  We were telling them, how one of the men on the island, who is in his 90's, hikes up there every day. That amazed them, but nothing compared to what came next. Up walked the nonagenarian who we were just talking about!  He pleasantly greeted us and by the way, he was not out of breath. We introduced our travelers from Vermont and our friend said, "Oh, I lived in Vermont many years ago." They exchanged pleasantries about that beautiful state when he added, "I started the Killington Ski Resort." It just so happens that our nephew lives several miles from that ski resort and skis there all the time. It was kind of jaw dropping experience and again, a delight.

The last little tale happened a couple of weeks ago. I'd been working on a booklet for our grandson which I filled with stories from his birth to his soon to be graduation. I went to the marvelous printshop on the island to pick the booklet up which now had been bound, at long last. It was months in the creating and rendering and I was quite pleased with all of the pictures that I'd found to accompany the text. (It pays to keep journals!) I was walking out of the printshop, 

Silas and Lulu at Train Town

with the results of my efforts, so pleased and smiling with the little booklet in my hand. Then I got a call on my phone, it was the soon to be graduate, Silas.  What's interesting is that, to my knowledge, Silas had never called me before. We'd talked via FaceTime many times but the calls were always initiated by us. I was thrilled about the timing and answered enthusiastically. "Silas! What an incredible coincidence! I just finished picking up something I wrote for you..." "Yeah, yeah," he said, "I just need your address to send you a graduation announcement." He was so unimpressed by the marvelous timing and serendipity of the call. I am still tickled by him and his casual response.  We did manage to have a nice talk about his life at school, who he was dating and his classes.

I guess what I'd like to underline with an exclamation point is that life can surprise you, delight you and leave you hugging yourself with the chance encounters.

Be aware and amused at all times, it brings sparks of joy to unusual encounters.

Twins visiting: surprise!

susansmagicfeather 2026 Susan R. Grout

SMALL TOWN THERAPIST ON CHOOSING SIDES

 

The world can feel comfortable and secure if you believe that you've chosen, what you consider to be, the right side. But wonder if that side was based on deceit and lies? Wonder if that side is not interested in your  well being.

I read an article by Danny Westneat in the Sunday Seattle Times. He interviewed shocked farmers who are losing their farms. Westneat stated, "It looks like farmer's are starting to have some buyer's remorse." This is due to their best workers being thrown into detention centers (aka prisons). These workers are good people who never had any marks against them. The farmers were told by the current administration that only "the worst of the worst" were going to be targeted. Then the current administration, T at the helm, said to his constituents, and the ICE people "arrest them all." And they have.

Unfortunately, according to social media, the comments have been very much toward, blame the victim. "You voted for this, work the fields yourself." etc. I wish they had added, "you put your trust in someone who has proven to be deceitful, come join us in the protests against this would be dictator." Blame the victim isn't necessary. They were bamboozled.

Sometimes people put their faith in someone who is found to be unfaithful, someone who is a narcissist and only cares about himself. When I was working in my counseling office I saw many people, especially women, being fooled into thinking that the person that they believed in and chose was worthy of their devotion. Then the beatings started and/or the verbal abuse. It is very difficult to extract yourself from someone you have literally bound yourself to and continue to have hope when "he said never again!" Kapow! It happens again.

Good silly fun

This is the position were are in as a country. Good, decent people believed a chronic liar and the consequences are devastating. He promised that they would have lower prices in the grocery story and at the gas stations. He promised no wars. He promised he'd only deport criminals. Basically he lied on all counts. 

Arrests of undocumented people with no criminal record is up eight fold. They, the farmers, and some MAGA people, chose the wrong side and have regrets, but they also have their dignity. To shame these people is not necessary, making fun of them not a smart tactic if you'd rather have unity. Inflatable frogs and dinosaurs make more sense that hate rhetoric.  My refrain now is come join us! Republicans and MAGA invited. 

People can make a huge difference via elections. This just happened in Hungary who got rid of their dictator, Victor Orban. Orban was at the helm for sixteen years. It took people taking to the streets and shouting for and demanding change and, of course, they voted. The change was a landslide for Peter Magyar who declared "together we overthrew the Hungarian regime, not by a little by by a lot." They got rid of cronyism and corruption. We can too, but we need cooperation by the ones who are bruised. I know in Minneapolis they started singing a song "It's Okay to Change Your Mind." This song was sung to the ICE people. I have no idea if it was effective or not but, what the heck, worth a shot rather than hurling the barrage of hatred which has not worked. I know that people standing together and supporting their neighbors has worked. I also believe brave Governors and mayors around the country have upped the repercussions for ICE by outlawing masks. Then these abusive ICE agents can be prosecuted for assaulting innocent citizens.

Greed and power define this administration

One of the methods that the people in the right wing media have tried to keep those of us who are protesting quiet, is by shaming us for "overreacting" to the current administration's illegal actions. They, Fox News and other right wing outlets, are calling it TDS: Trump Derangement Syndrome. I have a hard time thinking that anyone who is protesting against an unauthorized war is deranged. Isn't that protecting and fighting for the Constitution and the rule of law? Is it deranged to speaking out against T's stealing and bilking, last count, over 1.4 billion from the U.S. people and our programs? Isn't T being in the Epstein files, thousand of times and then lying about it deranged? Isn't T hiring Elon to fire many important government workers and then to decimate many of our vital social agencies deranged?  BTW Elon further enriched himself with government contracts. Finally, what is deranged is anyone going along with a president who you know very well in your gut is nuts. Many have pointed out his dementia and increasingly idiotic statements on his Social Media platform. Ironically, many were angry that Biden wasn't removed from office when he was declining. Trump is not only failing but continues to create havoc even wars! and is also a cruel, sick man. His goal all along was to enrich himself and his family and friends. 

Then he's slashed the many programs for the hungry and the poor. Who, really is deranged? 

We can be effective, passionate and angry with the objective that we are fighting for our Constitution and Truth. We must stand up for goodness, decency and honesty. Chose the side that cares about humanity.

susansmagicfeather 2026 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

SMALL TOWN THERAPIST ON WHY I'D RATHER HAVE DOLLY

 I feel passionate, as you might have noticed, that we must keep paying attention to what is happening in this country.

I'll get to Dolly, I promise, in a minute.

 

So much of our security, happiness, and stability rests on a robust economy, and also rests on our ability to elect people who actually care that our country is thriving. Do not confuse that with the billionaire class who have proven to be hopelessly addicted to their wealth and the power that goes along side of the money. Do the majority of billionaires care about the average citizen in this country? Sadly no.

 Isn't it hilarious the billionaire class took so many of us in with the notion that the billionaires were actually good for our economy!? That nonsense started in the Regan administration with the 'trickle down theory' which of course was a lie. Regan claimed that the people at the top of the food chain, (at that time they were just lowly millionaires) were going to generously help the working class with higher salaries, robust benefits and 401Ks. Guess what? That didn't happen then and it's certainly not happening now. Instead, cleverly they got many of the citizens in the U.S. to hate thy neighbor, especially those who were black or brown and to denigrate people who were homeless. This was a distraction. As you probably know by now, it was a gigantic ruse to fool people into distrusting the poor, the homeless and to fear the immigrant. Flagrant fiction folks! And what wonderful contribution have the preponderance of the billionaires done for this country? Nada. It's all investing in AI and who gets the benefits of that? Certainly not the working class. It's the very rich.

There are exceptions! There are terrific exceptions to the power and greed addiction. The prize winner of who has donated the most in the shortest time period goes to MacKenzie Scott. She has given away most of her Amazon shares in the past seven years. She hired a team that investigates and then funds worthy causes. She currently funds colleges, schools, LGBTQ+, racial equality, democracy and climate change. Hooray!

Warren Buffet is a fabulous and noteworthy philanthropist who has donated billions over a much longer period of time.

Both of the Gates, Melinda and Bill are important donors, especially in the world where few have given before. 

However, from a Forbes article I read, "women tend to give more faster."

There are lots of women who are quietly giving every single day to people and organizations across the country. One woman I admire is Taylor Swift who gives vast sums of money to Education (Education for Girls), Food Banks, Fire Departments, Feeding America, American Heart Association and $100K to families of shooting victims.  It's said that every town and city that she has performed in has benefited from her generosity. 

Then there is another star: Oprah Winfrey. Her donations are well over $400 million to various causes through her foundation.

Billie Eilish is also at work giving millions away. Plus she famously scolded the billionaires who don't/won't give to good causes. The billionaires are the ones are suffering from a hoarding addiction.

Reading to children is so important

The reason I starting writing this post was because I wanted to sent my love and admiration to Dolly Parton for many reasons. First and foremost I greatly admire Dolly's incredible charity work.  This is a woman who has single handedly given away billions and most of it to little children though the Dollywood Foundation. This charity of Dolly's focuses on education and literacy with the Imagination Library. This is just part of the good work she does, it's been every day since 1988.

Probably many of us have forgotten that Dolly contributed millions to the COVID-19 vaccine research and disaster relief. I am still grateful. I was very worried about all of us over 70 years old. Do you remember in 2020 the older folks were dropping like flies? Most of the  deaths occurred in the South, where there's high poverty rates, limited access to quality food and little health care available. Interesting that the current administration has it's emphasis on funding war, cutting services and monies for the poor while enhancing the billionaires of the world.  I believe that the current administration is purposely bilking our treasury and I know that this is against the law and our constitution. We the people demand a refund! Do I believe T and his minions will dutifully pay back the money they've swiped? No I do not.

 I wish we had some Dolly's, Oprah's, Taylor's and MacKenzie's in our current government. We need kindness, decency, enlightenment and generosity in our government. Sadly, instead we have completely unqualified people in the administration. An example would be RFK and his band of misguided anti-science people, out to eliminate vaccines.  Take measles, please! 1,500 cases currently in the U.S. Sad but true. 92% caused by lack of vaccines. Help us Dolly!

Currently in this administration we have corruption, deceit, incompetence and theft. How is it that most of the administration has made millions of dollars. Where are these funds coming from? I believe it's from bilking our government out of billions. Then they turn around and tell us they don't have money for health care or education. Is there anyone out there who actually believes that's true? What do they have plenty of money for? War! Argentina! Venezuela! Netanyahu! Ballrooms of Gold! Hidden Bank Accounts in Off Shore locations! This is clearly corruption, and addiction to power and greed at it's finest.   

So why did we attack and then kill the very awful leader of Iran? He was a cruel dictator but if you do a simple comparison to our own president:

Very similar but without the turban

.

Happily our country has awakened! We are gathering in the millions, more than 8 million, last count at the NO KINGS  protest held on March 28th across the country. People rose up in a peaceful protest. Not one arrest throughout the protests. We vow to continue until there is a regime change in this country.

Keep up the good trouble for the regime change for our country! Even the Pope in his Holy Week homily has weighed in. He warned that there is no justification for declaring an unjust war. He said to remember "Jesus was a man of peace, love and caring." Those who created this war have done so against the Constitution, the wishes of our people and Congress. They have blood on their hands. 

Be inspire by the brave people of Minnesota, and now the diligent hero's who are spreading truth, love and insistence that we continue to protest until the corrupt ones are gone. Vote them out, show up and, if you can, give to the candidates who will stop the nonsense that's going on in Washington, D.C.

We all can't have Dolly, Taylor and Billie's talent but we can have their business skills, smarts, goodness and generosity. 

susansmagicfeather 2026 all rights reserved Susan R. Grout