Small Town Therapist on Death of a Dear Sister

Losing love is like a window in your heart, everybody sees you're blown apart, everybody sees the wind blow.                                        Paul Simon

This death, of Kathleen Ricketts Shaffner my sister, one year ago has been difficult. She was so full of life, humor, talents, ideas and dreams that the fact that she was gone, felt unreal, impossible. Never to see, never to talk to her again kept rattling around in my brain. The sadness of this loss has only slowly has lessened. 

Now, one year later, a cataclysmic change in the world and in my thinking. Today, we are living in the age of the pandemic. So many in our country and in the world are grieving the loss of a beloved, none of us are alone in our grief.  However, I wonder what it would have been like if Kathleen had died this year? For one, we would never have been able to gather [more that 300 strong, relatives and the town of Carbondale] to celebrate Kathleen ---the funny, lovely, interesting person that she was. This would have horribly compounded our grief for all of us. I want to reach out to all the people who cannot honor their dead in a community and in a loving fashion. I want to reach out, with my sincere condolence to their big loss and here is my virtual hug. Our hearts, my heart, are with you in declaration of your loss, this profound loss, compounded by the realities of keeping safe, with social and physical distancing.

I 'm also feeling somewhat guilty for feeling gratitude that Kathleen died when she did last year. Her last action was driving to see her younger son, an act of deep love that would not have been possible this year.  In a odd way I want to thank Kathleen for dying when she did. Because she died last year, April 28th 2019, we were able to gather a month later and we renewed old friendships, visited with relatives we hadn't seen for years and solidified our resolve to stay  in touch. Many of us to continue to stay in touch, and most of us pledged to keep music in our lives always. Several of the siblings, myself included, wrote songs about Kathleen. All of the siblings and many of the cousins, [and even though we're not able to see each other in person], are very much in contact.  That is the gift of love she gave us.

Also, because of Kathleen's fatal heart attack, many of us have sought treatment for various health related issues. Many of us, myself included, have since treated high blood pressure with medication and several of us, me as well, have had echocardiograms to check on the workings of our hearts. Currently, one of us, her dear son and our darling nephew, just had surgery to correct faulty vessels in his heart. This would never have been discovered without the push of Kathleen's death. We are grateful. In fact, Kathleen's death saved lives.

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