Too Many Choices

Last post was about the rigidity of black and white thinking how difficult it is for folks to break the pattern and open up to a more colorful way of looking at life. Today I address the other way people get stymied--- when there are too many choices. 

 Although it has long been the common wisdom in our country that there is no such thing as too many choices, as psychologists and economists study the issue, they are concluding that an overload of options may actually paralyze people or push them into decisions that are against their own best interest. Alina Tugend, NYT 2010 

The opposite of b & w thinking is the person who will drive themselves crazy and become paralyzed by too many choices, too many decisions. Their brain goes into overdrive creating anxiety as they try desperately to decide what is the best or the perfect, next step. Those clients must work to somehow simplify the process. 

I start the discussion with the startling announcement that "there is no perfect next step". There are plenty of good steps to take and we work to narrow down what is the most comfortable or reasonable next step for them to take. It's possible this person has an anxiety disorder that permeates their live or it could be a temporarily created anxiety caused by over abundance in our culture. Think grocery stores. Often reported the paralysis that visitors from foreign countries experience when seeing our grocery stores for the first time. Many leave without purchasing a thing. 

the library suggests books 

The perfect is the enemy of the good.         Voltaire

 Thank goodness for Consumer Reports  Susan R. Grout

I firmly believe in science, testing and analysis. I encourage clients to do a bit of homework on whatever choices are causing them anxiety and not to become too bogged down.  A good personal example is my own recent choice of a new car. Our 20 year old, very reliable Camry suddenly died [in front of the gas station] until that time, we hadn't thought much about a new car. Then we did. Mr. G is famous in our extended family for being "Mr. Consumer Reports" and he spent a good amount of time researching what would be our next vehicle. I just want the meager facts which to me boiled down to, "what is the most reliable, not unattractive car that I could throw my bike in the back of". Sad but true. He loves the game of trying to get the best car for the best price etc. I sit and wait until he's narrowed it down then the arguments can ensue. I use not only my head but also my gut feelings about any big purchase. When we went to dealerships I had a decided preference for one over the others. I couldn't quite articulate what was so "wrong" about several of  the dealerships but I knew that I was unwilling to give them my money. Ultimately we agreed on the dealer, the car, and its color and we bought a dandy car.  I have since learned the dealership we chose has won many awards for their service.  

Here in this country we are most fortunate to have a superlative group that looks out for the consumer with good old fashioned science and testing: Consumer Reports. Using CR can aid in making decisions on purchases and part of me wishes that this could be extended to affairs of the human heart. Many a client came in with dilemmas of too many choices in who to date, who to avoid, who to marry, who to divorce. I was eager to help them. The most important decision in your life is who you wish to spend your life and time with. I only wish that more people would do research on their choices. So in my modest attempt at human CR I would bring in the various partners and see if we could clarify what would be the best choice for both of them. One therapist friend of mine, Joan used to say, "everything you do in life you pay a price and you get a prize. If the price is worth the prize, then it's a good."  I saw all types of couples in counseling and always kept this piece of advice at the ready. Also I used my own mantra of "head, heart and guts" when making a decision. In other words, does it makes good sense, does it feel good and kind, does it feel right? It was up to the person to use that advice to decide whether the person they were choosing or married to was worth the price they were paying to be with them. Is it a good decision from your head, heart and guts?Sounds simple, was it? Of course not. Human beings are complex and complicated too many choices! Honestly counseling, especially couples counseling, did
help. 

Abigail Adams urged making a head, heart and guts decision 

Down through the ages people have relied on their head, heart and guts to make very important decisions. 

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