Thoughts on Gender

Years ago I was working with a woman whose cousin had a sex change operation and went from being a man [Marv*] to becoming a woman [Mary]. Now here's where it gets verbally tricky and what my client, in all sincerity, came to the office to asked me. "Then as Mary, she/he fell in love with Pam*. They were both delighted with each other."  So, she said, "this begs the question, does that make Mary/Marv a lesbian?" See? Tricky, even the pronouns become difficult. Same equation goes for the man I read about in "Oprah's magazine" who underwent a sex change operation. He said "all of my life I felt I was in the wrong body". The 'new' she was still living with his/her wife and their kids in San Francisco. Does this mean that he's/she's now a lesbian? That kind of sums up the whole silliness and uproar about homosexuality and same sex marriage, doesn't it? Even Pope Francis said, "who am I to judge" about homosexuals. Really think about it, you love who you love. As long as the relationship is truly loving who's business is it but your own. 

I was a better man as a woman with a woman than I was as a man with a woman...                                                         from the film Tootsie 

After watching "Tootsie", a film made in 1982, I came away with many thoughts on gender and thought again about the stories above. I asked myself, how gender affected us then and also what's changed for the better in the 32 years since this film was made.

For those of you who have not seen it I highly recommend it. The plot: an out of work actor [Dustin Hoffman] in desperation [and defiance of his talent agent- Sydney Pollack] dresses as a woman to get the part of "Dorothy"on a soap. He's hired and then tied into this role in more ways than one. He finds that he has to act like a southern woman with this caveat: he can't stop being his assertive self. He really can't and doesn't tolerate the sexism that is around him on the set. It's funny and lovely to watch him/her give the sexist men the what-for. When he falls in love with one of the female characters [Jessica Lange] on the soap and he finds he wants to be with her, even if just as a friend. His whole perspective and world get shaken up by becoming a "woman".

Because he is really a man he doesn't apologize or think in terms of being "less than" as so many women do. He states the obvious like, "keep your hands off me" and lectures the boss about calling him/her "Tootsie". What I see as progress is that 'Dorothy's' behavior in 1982 was daring, today many women take that kind of assertiveness for granted.

You've got to be taught 

To hate and fear,
You've got to be taught
From year to year,
It's got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a different shade,
You've got to be carefully taught.

Rogers and Hammerstein from South Pacific

What has gotten better, and it will get better still, is less prejudice and judgement on people's sex life and choices of mates. Remember in 1982, there were loads of states that wouldn't allow people of different races to legally marry. In 2012 The Defense of Marriage Act was ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court and more and more states are allowing same sex couples to tie the knot. Ruination had been predicted but, surprisingly no disaster has befallen any of these states that recognize marriage for same sex couples. This is a big change for the better since '82, prejudices are falling by the wayside. Another thing, just as little children are color blind and our country is becoming more so, the new generation of kids finds nothing odd or awful about having two mommies or two daddies. See, it's all about love. There are so many children who need as much love as they can get, two mommies, two daddies... who cares as long as it's loving.

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.                               Margaret Thatcher

We have a long way to go, there still are an underwhelming amount of women in politics and the men in charge see fit to not include them in discussion of woman's health, need I say more? 

*All names have been fiddled with

susansmagicfeather 2014 copyright Susan R. Grout all rights reserved