Expect More BS from the Right Wing

This destruction of our children, our people, has got to stop. There is every reason to not sit on the fence about this issue. If the legislatures are too cowardly to step up to the NRA and the weapons lobbies, then they should lose their jobs. We, citizens need to clamor for justice in the form of outlawing these assault weapons. Australia did just that in 1996 and they've not had another slaughter since then.  

Give me one good reason a citizen needs to own/use an assault weapon. One. The truth? There's money to be made by the evil weapon manufacturers so they try to convince people that it's their right. Don't be fooled, really it's greed, pure and simple. It's stupidity to be cowed by these people and absolute foolishness to overlook the greed element. Don't the people in the NRA have children, grandchildren, a heart? Ask them.

How on earth can anyone prevent mass murder? Truthfully, I'm not sure we can predict who'd be a candidate for such a huge heinous crime. But we certainly don't need to glamorize it, nor to endlessly focus on it. Wouldn't it be great if instead the focus was on prevention? Wouldn't it be great if we would have licenses that actually screened for suspicious behavior, and licenses for responsibility and competence with a weapon? We do after all license our cars and our citizen who drive those cars. Another thing, I've heard it said that we can't hold the gun sellers responsible for the crimes committed by the criminals. We hold the bartenders and restaurateurs responsible for a drunk who has left their establishment and ends up killing someone in a car accident. Fat chance, I realize, to get the lawmakers to toughen our laws, but it's a nice fantasy of mine and a good idea. Better than the nothing that's normally done after each of these horrendous murders. Nothing.

I was so impressed by the very young adults from Stoneman Douglas high school who  stood up to all of the adults in this country with their articulate demand for gun control. It is not going to take a village, it is going to take a country united against the slaughter of innocents. I was deeply saddened that it's taken the deaths of 17 more innocents [by another lone young white man apparently a white supremacist sympathizer] to rally and take a strong stand against the NRA. Was it the adults? No, it was the young high school students who are taking the strong stand against the NRA. They are unafraid of that organization and are calling out all of the politicians who are the NRA's toadies--- bowing and scraping for the generous bloody handouts. 

“They say that tougher gun laws do not decrease gun violence — we call B.S.!” she continued as a chorus of supporters echoed her. “They say a good guy with a gun stops a bad guy with a gun — we call B.S.! They say guns are just tools like knives and are as dangerous as cars — we call B.S.! They say that no laws could have been able to prevent the hundreds of senseless tragedies that have occurred — we call B.S.! That us kids don’t know what we’re talking about, that we’re too young to understand how the government works — we call B.S.!”             Emma Gonzales a student at Stoneman Douglas H.S.

They have called B.S. on the "it's not time to talk about guns... it's time to grieve". As Emma said, "this is how we grieve, we want action on gun control." 

Vote, recruit your friends and family to take up the cause for action. Donate to one of the very worthy organizations that are helping to pass gun legislation. Be kind to your neighbor, volunteer and do take good care of  yourself. A nice way to do this is to forest bathe or just take a walk and smile at your neighbors. You never know who is going to need your help. Love is always welcome, neighbor.

we

susan r. grout 2022

Small Town Therapist On Becoming Good and Holy

 Knowing is not enough, we must do. Thinking is not enough, we must act.                                                     Susan R. Grout

at the Earth day rally

One of the most interesting and challenging parts of the life we lead is trying to be a good, loving and responsible person in all our choices. Here are some questions that I've been rolling around in my head for a long time.
I seriously thought about doing an entire post on the above questions and let each of you contemplate exactly what your answers were to the posed questions. You could stop right here and answer all the questions for yourself. But then I decided that was unfair and if I'm going to blog about philosophy and therapy I need to answer my own questions. Here goes.

1.    Can being constantly in prayer encourage a good and holy life?

2.    Can we be on the cell phone frequently with no consequences?

3.    Can it be harmful for us to be on our phones all the time?

4.    Can tithing to a church be promoting holiness?

5.    Can we strive to be a good person every day?

6.    Can we embrace the sacred when there's so much trash?

7.    Can we disallow junk in our lives? 

8.    Can we create time to ensure we're contributing goodness for our society?

9.    Can we effectively combat the people who are destroying the environment?

10. Can we find an effective way to approach people who are abusive to others, to the earth?

11.  Can we have a close relationship with your community without sacrificing some privacy?

12.  Can "love one another" get supported in churches who are against homosexuals, feminists, people of color, transgender people?

13. Can we accept people who have radically different viewpoints from us?

14. Can we promote radical kindness and generosity by doing volunteer work? 

I seriously thought about presenting all these questions and letting all of you contemplate exactly what your answers were. You could stop right here and answer all the questions for yourself. I then decided that was unfair and if I'm going to write about philosophy and therapy, I need to answer my own questions.

1. Can being constantly praying encourage a good and holy life? No, if you are completely content with the way things are going in your life and with others. No, if you prefer to have a mantra or have an internal dialogue with positive affirmations and you meditate frequently. Yes, if it feels wimpy not to have a solid spiritual base and you want to have a close relationship with a higher power. Yes, if the word constantly is modified to the word often. Personally, I find having a spiritual center gives great meaning to everyday life. I like the word 'often'— ‘constantly’ feels too demanding.

2.  Can we be on cell phones frequently with no consequences? Constantly playing with the phone texting madly, playing computer games, being on social media and the like encourages missing out on life.  A young woman smarter than myself stated, "I think cell phone usage is like what we thought about smoking twenty years ago. We know it's bad for us but it's hard to stop."  One of the most aggravating things I see about cell phones is the phones are no longer just for convenience of communication. Today, if we're honest, phones have become playgrounds for young and old. Most distressingly I see parents paying absolutely no attention to their children but are on their phones constantly. Important business? No, mostly nonsense. This is going to come back to bite them. Just wait until their kids are old enough to spend most of their time on the cell phones. Precious interactions lost. Cell phones according to recent research states they should never be used as babysitters for tiny kids. They are harmful to the developing brain.

3. Can it be harmful for us to be on our phones all the time? I’d like to sidestep the entire lethality issue, but I can't. Once my husband and I were driving on I-5 and a woman in the car next to us was texting and swerved into a lane in front of us. The man in the car to her right was driven off the road into a ditch. Oblivious and still on her phone, she never even knew he went into the ditch. When we called the sheriff he said, "This happens all the time, did you get her license number?" We hadn't and so no consequences for the texter, huge ones for her victim.  The amount of time you can safely look away from the road while driving is tested to be 2 seconds.

4. Can tithing to a church be promoting holiness? The bigger question is what is your church doing constructively to promote goodness for our planet and its people? Contributions, that in turn promote good for many, win hands down as far as I can tell. Even if your church is the great out of doors, does that organization you support contribute to the holiness/goodness in all of us?

 

 5. Can we strive to be a good person daily? How? St. Augustine said it best, "if you are loving and diligent, you can do whatever you want." Loving means action not just thinking. What acts can you do daily to help our earth and/or another human being?  Can you make a daily pledge to show up and be kind to everyone you meet? Diligence requires that you assess what is necessary for you to be the best possible citizen in this world. That can be volunteer work, care giving, contributions to causes that hold goodness as one of their values.

6. Can we embrace the sacred in our lives?  Have you rid yourself of trash and garbage so that you are surrounded by only what is beautiful and pleasing? Are the people in your life ones who bring out the very best in you, ones who elevate your thinking?

7. Can we eliminate people and things that bring us down?  Any therapist worth their philosophy will tell you to encourage joy by being joyful and sidestep the people or ideas or things that seek to interfere with that.

8.Can we embrace time for volunteering for the good of our communities?  One huge hint: turn off the cell phones and the machines. Less time on the cell phones, computers, TV, and movies can stretch out the day and night impressively. Try it. Then what are you going to do with all those extra hours? It is a new fad that young people are proud of saying No! to volunteering. Then the "me" time is usually with their machines. I’ve read and often follow the advice to have a tech free day, says she while writing on her computer. Stop laughing.

9. Can we effectively combat the people, organizations who are actively destroying the environment? Fight. Get active and get educated. Upset that there is a threat to clean air and clean water? Write letters, call your congressman, show up for demonstrations, give donations to organizations that are working to help the environment and are willing to go after the polluters, vote out of office people who are complicit in destroying this planet.

10. Can we find an effective way to handle abusive people who are bullies? I encourage people to speak up, and do so, with an advocate by your side. Let the bullies know that their behavior will not be tolerated, and you won't be quiet about it. Be courageous.

11. Can you have a close community without sacrificing any privacy? You really can't. You can have some privacy, but not lots if you desire closeness with your fellow humans.

12. Can "love one another" get supported in churches who are against homosexuals, feminists, people of color, transgender people? The only words we know for a fact that Jesus uttered is "love one another." If you suspect that your church or congregation is homophobic, intolerant, or racist how can they be following that loving principle? Not possible.  Find a group that really does love and actively participate in promoting the goodness therein for all people.

13.Can we accept radically different viewpoints?  I am going to use a newly defined 'dirty word': be liberal minded, be open minded and open hearted. Realize and know if there is veiled racism or bigotry you are allowed to say how disappointed you are. Fighting bigotry is an active ongoing posture, not a passive one.

14. Can we promote radical kindness and generosity, you must be the one who is out there dedicating your life to being kind and generous. The easiest way is to volunteer your time. As noted, you will have so much more time if you put down the phone and the machines.

Please note none of this is directed at the people who are working two or three jobs just to stay afloat. However, if you know someone in that position, offer a helping hand or even cash. It's good and holy.

Expect to work hard for goodness, kindness and to save the earth. As Bob Marley said, "the evil doers in this world never take a day off, so how can I?"

The leucistic robin visited us this spring, it felt good and holy.

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susansmagicfeather  2024 Susan R. Grout 

Appearances

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 I was told to listen to my body when jogging. My body said, "what are you doing? Are you crazy? Sit down!"                                                    Chet Hurley

 Salmonella is a bacterium that in the human bloodstream can grow into an adult salmon.             Dave Barry

Low and behold there was a time when we [I really mean I] weren't so interested in appearances: that was starting March 2020 and abruptly ending in April 2022. All of those masks served more than protecting us from the virus COVID 19--- they helped those of us who are aging to look considerably younger. No wrinkles around the lips or the parenthesis around mouth knocked off about a dozen years. It was kind of flattering, if you could ignore exactly why we were wearing those masks. 

I even took to wearing mascara when I ventured to the grocery store just to make myself feel as though I was up grading my appearance. Did anyone notice? of course not, I'm a woman of a certain age and the noticing stopped when I was approximately 55 years of age. The truth, that was just fine. To be semi invisible is one of my super powers. Then I open my mouth, oh-oh. 

Therapy is like going to grad school and majoring in yourself.                        Fran Drescher 

I was raised around strong, fierce, feisty women and it had quite an impact on my personality. I believed it was normal to be outspoken and responsive. Did I mentioned that I went to an all girls Catholic high school? That experience taught me to ask questions and answer questions if I knew the answers. In college I was shocked to discover that most young women would not speak up in the classes or answer questions that the professors posed. Why? These young women weren't answering for fear of upsetting the young men. Unbelievable to me. This was one of the many reasons I declared my major as Psychology.

Outspoken and responsive is one thing, if it's based in truth. However here's what has crept into our modern culture: many people have become 'verbally narcissistic'. Even if a person has an inkling that they might be in error, they'll insist even harder that they're absolutely correct. They figure it will harm their status or appearance if they admit they were wrong. Again why?  For example, when I'm wrong should someone points that out [usually my husband] I will promptly admit my error. To me, that could clear up a heap of what's dividing this country. Big if, but if only people could admit they're wrong sometimes, when faced with the evidence, it would help everyone enormously.  One of the strongest traits of narcissism is the inability to admit  they are ever wrong. It's childish and stubborn to insist they're right all the time but they do.  It's currently fashionable to have men and women spouting all kinds of wacko theories based on conspiracies and their defense is--- free speech. I was raised in Chicago we had a place for these people, it was called "Bug House Square". People talked, literally on a soapbox, and some of it was very good, like what they were concerned about in the country---worker's rights, votes for the marginalized and women's health. But also there were the really crazy ones spouting their theories based on tips from their molars,  Space Lazers, the reappearance of the deceased Kennedy's etc.  

 

A Bughouse Square Committee, headquartered at Newberry Library, has continued to organize free-speech gatherings there each July in conjunction with the library's annual book sale. from Wikipedia 

This fact that Bug House Square now has a committee across from the Newberry Library tickles me no end and that they are honoring free speech with a book sale, how lovingly appropos. Today as I type, across this country a certain group of  people are whipping books out of the libraries due to politics of the right wing. Banning books is popular as we all know with any dictator in the world and it's literally a crime against free speech. But to all appearances this has to do panicked parents fearful that reading a book can cause a sex change in their children. I've read plenty of books that have murder as a theme [mysteries] and believe it or not I haven't become a murderess. As for reading about slavery, the World Wars and the crimes committed against the vulnerable has not for one millisecond convinced me that I need to take advantage of anyone but rather makes me want to defend the vulnerable. Perhaps that is the grand fear: these children could acquire an open mind, and understanding about being kind to all people with hatred toward none.

Hippie? I Flunked

odd taste in clothing is not hippie like 

 When anyone hears that I've been in the northwest since 1970 they make certain assumptions about me, namely because I'm an identified feminist and a Democrat that I must have been a hippie.

Here's the history: Back in the late 1960's it was all the rage to be a hippie. But I, for one, found it was too complicated for me--- even though it was 'the dawning of the age of Aquarius'.

Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt                 a pertinent T shirt

I flunked being a hippie.  I never got the clothes right and then there's my hair --- very fine and thin. So no crazy flowing locks for me. I tell people that most newborns have more hair than I do, only a slight exaggeration.  All the young people I knew in the 60's who were hippies had long hair and crazy clothes. Frankly, the outrageous clothes were as much of a uniform as doctors, nurses, accountants had, but hey, they were rebelling. Take the food fads of the 1970's--- Please!  It was all about bread so tough it could be used as an assault weapon, the exaggerated glow of raw foods, absolutely no butter in sight, and for dessert... carob brownies. To use the word brownies next to the word carob is an insult so enormous it makes me cringe.

 

Another strike against me: I was married. Most young people in the '70's who were couples were "just living together" and worse, we had a baby! This is extreme fact was so far from the acceptance of cool and so much earlier than our grad school friends at the time, they couldn't comprehend why we did that. I figured they whispered behind our backs about our very loved baby as our 'mistake'. They were literally baffled. Shockingly we wanted to raise our little boy with care, concern and a regular schedule. I'm not knocking the ones who floated around with babes in arms, no schedules in sights but I found early on that wouldn't work for my family. 

the importance of maturity

Here is an example of my growing realization about how different people cope to new situations. When my son was about two months old we went to a party with my husband's fellow graduate students. We were both so pleased and excited to be out of the house and enjoying the company of adults but our baby boy was having none of it. We weren't there very long when our son erupted crying, and unusual for him, he was inconsolable. I turned to my young husband and said, "we have to go" and we did. I had pictured that my baby would behave just like at home, settling in for the night at about 8 pm...ha, ha, ha. I was a naive young mom. It was appalling to our fellow grad students that we would leave the party just because of an uncomfortable baby but we did.  See? Wrong attitude. No proper hippie would do that.

That kind of set the stage for me coming to some realizations about the age of LOVE. Sometimes, actually with babies often, love meant thinking of the comfort of others [the baby] rather than yourself. Kind of applies to the years when Covid was upon us. I was continually being mindful of COVID and making sure I wasn't infecting others. Courtesy and kindness in my humble opinion never go out of fashion. 

                                                     

Happily for me my sister [who was far more hip than I] moved up to the northwest from a newly dangerous San Francisco. They were concerned about raising a baby daughter in a not safe neighborhood. Both of us were on the edge of Hippie-dom. We had babies who relied on us to be responsible and not stoned all the time. My one experience with being stoned was getting high while my son was asleep and then realizing to my horror that if he awoke, diaper pins could potentially be a lethal weapon in the hands of one who was not sober. No more of that.

The other truth during these years I witnessed was a lot of confusion from my peers as to how to be a good parent. We knew that we didn't want to be "establishment" folks like our parents. However, looking back on our families,  I must admit both my husband and I did have good enough childhoods. For example, my parents were blissfully unaware of what I and my five siblings were up to on a general basis. We were told to be home for dinner-- Period. We lived near a sewage canal in Evanston, Il. and were expressly forbidden to go to it's banks to play---we went every single day. No helicopter parenting for us.  Granted it was a different, safer time but we thrived on the freedom. This must be what the hippies of the '60's and 70's were striving for, that blissful feeling of having no one hovering over you and the right to play outdoors all day long. No responsibilities, not a care in the world. Ahh. Simple. They kind of forgot the part about then they were children, now they were, face it, the adults.

I was firmly dedicated to the notion that we were going to give our kids the right to explore the outdoors as often as possible. To do that and most fortuitously we moved to the country from the city at the start of our parenthood and ultimately we moved to an island. That's where I found out what I valued most. Giving and loving. I treasured what I could do for my family, for my community and for my country. I believe I graduated from any attempt to be a hippie and put away the thinking of childhood and graduated to being an adult.

However I'm contemplating becoming a Hipster. 

susansmagicfeather 2022 Susan R. Grout 

Artists...who do you remember?

 

Jane was a fabulous artist

Quick, name ten famous artist that you love. My guess is not one of the ten is a woman artist. Or if I asked for twenty names I seriously doubt a woman's name would appear. No shame on you. This is the state of the world.

As my poor father used to say in 1863, once people start on all the Art  Goodbye, moralite! What my father used to say is good enough for me.                       A.P. Herbert

Sad to say, women have been horribly discriminated in all fields but none so blatantly as the art realm. Go into an art gallery anywhere in the world and you will find, no surprise,  95% of the work therein is done by men. This is true throughout history. I realize this is not true in the field of crafts, the one area, like quilt making, that has been deemed appropriate for women artists. Indeed women's brilliance does shine through the ages in crafts. What we have lost through the ages is many magnificent women artists who were equal to and sometimes superior to the males artists of their time. All lost. Sure a very few are recognized somewhat begrudgingly like Frieda Kahlo, Mary Cassat, Georgia O'Keeffe or the famous photographers Anne Liebowitz or Diane Arbus. Scanty recognition for women and with rare exceptions little money and not much fame. 

Do you recognize any of these names?

Julia Margaret Cameron. Pomona.

1. Properzia de Rossi. Properzia de Rossi. ...
2. Elisabetta Sirani. Portia Wounding Her Thigh, 1664.
3. Edmonia Lewis. The Death of Cleopatra.
4. Judith Leyster. ...
5. Sofonisba Anguissola. ...
6. Saint Catherine of Bologna. ...
7. Levina Teerlinc.

The above list from Google search is of the most famous women artists from the 15th to the 19th century. That's it. They forgot Artemisia Gentileshi [1593-1653] There's a marvelous film about her from 1997 called Artemisia. Only twenty one of her paintings survived. She was raped by her art teacher and took him to court, they found him guilty and he was incarcerated for two years.  This was unheard of in the 16th century, most often men were excused from the crime as a sin of passion. Interestingly this rape lent itself to the violence in some of her art work and most probably the notoriety in her day.

Kathleen Ricketts Shaffner

Speaking of violence, at the London Museum in 1914 a suffragette Mary Richardson took a cleaver and slashed at the Velazquez's painting of Venus' body. This was not a crazy woman or a random act, the woman replied, 

"I have tried to destroy the picture of the most beautiful woman in mythological history as a protest against the Government destroying Mrs. Pankhurst who is the most beautiful character in modern history." Richardson was referring to the abusive and brutal treatment of imprisoned suffragettes. Force feedings, beatings and maiming women in the prisons and on the streets as they demanded their right to vote. Although I don't approve of her method, her point was well taken that men value paintings more than they do actual women.

[This story was taken from a book by Catherine McCormack, Women in the Picture.]
                                                            

                                                        I guess one of the reasons that this is such a hot topic for me is my little sister struggled mightily to be a recognized artist. She entered show after show and gallery after gallery in her area, southern Illinois, to no recognition and no avail. Then most excruciating she died in 2019. Kathleen Ricketts Shaffner did remarkable works and I'm happy that I had bought many pieces of her art through the years. It wasn't until her death of a heart attack that she finally got some recognition. I realize this is a sad although very familiar story but it does gnaw at me. Where were all the people who shunned her work? Now all of her paintings and shadow boxes have sold. It breaks my heart that women artists rarely get any acclaim.  Some of the profits from her work did go to a local women's shelter which somewhat assuages me. 

My plea, is people please buy art, please find the beauty and originality in some of the women artists who have been left behind. 

susansmagicfeather 2022 Susan R. Grout 

 

Books and the Library

 What is more important in a library than anything else---than everything else---is the fact that it exists.  Archibald MacLeish

 The lover of books is a miner, searching for gold all her life long.             Katherine Peterson  

Of all the civil rights for which the world has struggled and fought for five thousand years, the right to learn is undoubted the most fundamental.             W.E.B. DuBois

Our little library is under attack. Although we are drastically short of space and room to grow there are those in our community that want to stop and inhibit this little library. We currently have a levy that could fix that problem and give this community a bigger library that we desperately need.

Predictably the people against the levy rarely to never enter the library and really haven't a clue as to how valuable this library is to most of our community.  Sadly they have lied about how much money we need to build the new, library which is truthfully 12 million dollars, because we have grants and generous donors. It's only going to become vastly more expensive in the future. We need to act now.

Libraries have been under attack on and off throughout history. In the past, and now sadly in the present, thousand of books have been banned in various countries all around the world. There is a physical and graphic example of this below, in front of the world's oldest public museum in Kassel, Germany.  On this spot in 1933 some two thousand books were burned during the Nazi's nationwide campaign against the "Un-German Spirit". Why is this hauntingly familiar? Here we are over almost ninety years in the future with people in many countries suggesting the same thing. The conceptual artist, Marta Minujin's sculpture  was first created in her native land of Argentina in 1983 where titles were being forbidden by the military dictatorship. Then, Marta did it again with more books in Germany 2017. 

The Parthenon of Books, made from 100,000 banned books, a conceptual piece opened in 2017  Kassel, Germany

You also might be asking yourself as I did myself, "what are they so afraid of that they would even think to attack an inanimate object?" Books don't bite, they don't rob you or even poison you, unless you consider an open mind poisonous.  BTW I consider some books written to be full of lies and depressingly stupid but I defend your right to read them. 

In a way I believe this is unspeakably sad, here are people all around the world worried about books they consider dangerous, whereas they have no such consternation about losing democracy and freedom of speech.  The word freedom currently has been usurped to mean 'anything that I do or believe should have no consequences'. They want the right to infect their neighbor or their family by not wearing a mask or getting vaccinated yet have no problem swiping a woman's right to privacy with her doctor. But then I realize some consider women and people of color fairly scary.  

I cherish books.  Books are my 'go to' for comfort, understanding and relaxation. I'm always on the look out for another great book. I have spent many, many happy hours wandering through our local library. I love and depend on this little building for supplying me with the ability to travel to other worlds, to meet characters both real and fictitious, to expand my definition of what's human, to increase my knowledge and to learn about many different subjects about which I have very little information. A treasure trove of learning awaits all who enter. Yes, I admit, it's a dependency but one I count on as being a rich essential for my life and growth as a member of the human race.

This was brought home to me because of the pandemic. We were without our library for several months last year. With a great deal of understanding and kindness the librarians gave all of us a heads up because they, for safety's sake, were going to close for an indefinite period of time in March of 2020. They made an announcement to the community so all of us would have a couple of days prior to the dark shuttering, to gather as many books, magazines and videos as we desired. It was absolutely laughable. The crowd of excited but dazed patrons rushed into the library to take out literally dozens of books and DVD's a piece. The terror of having nothing to read was upon all of us! That's when I realized how important the library, a favorite spot in our town, was in my life.  

Mom

 

I don't know what I'd do without books.                                                            Jane Ricketts

Sure, I have lots of books and truly could spend several years reading  the books I have on my shelves, but there's nothing like picking up a brand new best seller and diving into it.  Like most of the people who are bibliophiles I read the book section of newspapers, eager for a good review of a new author I've never heard of. What a pleasure to read book from vastly different points of view or a book about different cultures or walks of life. Despite Covid-19 I walked through many different countries, cultures, and even restaurants with the book's author leading the way.

To pay back some of my gratitude I'm volunteering at our local library and I feel so fortunate to be doing so. While tending to the books, the DVD's, graphic books, etc. on the shelves I've gained a knowledge of just what a huge collection we have in our small town. You might think about wandering around your own library for the sheer pleasure of being around the books and possibly [probably] finding some treasure you didn't realize was there.  For example, our DVD section of the library is rich with movies and series both old and new. This collection is vast and rich. Any treasured movie from the past 40 years is probably found in our shelves.

Then there are the librarians. These librarians are helpful, knowledgeable, generous and gracious. Yet these marvelous professionals are being attacked by screaming parents and furious people who probably have not even read the books that they're screaming about.  Texas has a bounty on women who are seeking an abortion, and are offering a $10,000 reward to anyone who can stop a woman from seeking an abortion. The Supreme court sided with this misogynistic decision. Next up in the idiocy race, Oklahoma has proposed a $10,000 punishment per day to any school library that has their list of banned books on their shelves. 

Where does this insanity end? It takes a nation to come together and stick up for the right to read. I grew up Catholic and at that time so many years ago the Church had lists of books [Index Librorum Prohibitorum] basically banning books. The practice ended in 1966 but though it never effected me,  it made and impression. Let's vote for sanity and the right to read and be educated.

PS  If you've read a great book I want to know it's title...

susansmagicfeather  2022 Susan R. Grout

  

 

Logical Consequences

If it's a rain river, some roads are going to wash out.

If there's not a proper culvert, roads may be impossible to ford.

 If you ignore abuse and violence or minimize them it only gets worse.

If we neglect education and caring for our children we'll have uneducated and impoverished adults.

If we allow the huge inequality in housing, food, and voting the consequences are angrier adults seeking more authoritarianism.  

Democracy is currently at stake. How can anyone who witnessed the brutality, disrespect and lawlessness of 1/6/21--- by an angry Trump mob--- not be concerned about this country?  They sought to overturn our democratically elected president by force, after it was encouraged by the ex president.

I have been increasingly worried about the state of our democracy and democracy in the world. Here in the USof A there are obvious crimes being committed on a daily basis by the previous president, his administration and his followers that are acknowledged but so far have suffered few to no consequences for the crimes. They are hoping the clock is going to run out on their illegal actions.  When and how can this be rectified? How can we at last punish sufficiently these egregious offenders? 

When I was raising my sons a sentence that reverberated for me was 'raise your children by having reasonable, logical consequences' for their behavior. If they spilled the milk by fooling around at the dinner table they were to clean up the mess. If they were fighting with each other they were to sit in separate chairs until they calmed down. If they avoided curfew, they were restricted for one night at home. Logical, the consequence made into sense for their behavior as a repercussion. Yet there is a vast difference in who gets the consequence for bad, illegal behavior in our country. We all have witnessed that and it is beyond frustrating.

I figured most people knew that logical consequences made sense in life, but found out this is just not true. At first this was brought home to me when I was working as a psychotherapist. I worked with people from all walks of life and with numerous kinds of families. In one family the step Mom was very authoritarian. When her step daughters didn't do whatever she wanted, [get all A's on their report card, keep their room tidy at all times, no disagreements or arguing with their parents] she came down--- overly harsh.  The Dad was fairly ineffectual and would not intervene on his daughter's behalf. The step Mom had some wildly unhelpful consequences for the daughters: no dinner and do all the dishes for a week; confinement to the house for a month; no socializing with their friends. This woman was so ill prepared to be a parent and no one had told her that her punishments were outrageously overboard. 'Let the punishment fit the crime' I pleaded. To my surprise at this suggestion she started crying because 'that's how I was treated as a child' and figured she had turned out alright. I took a deep breath and I told her I was sorry she was treated that way and she needed to lighten up considerably on the daughters [who were teens]. A sad situation all the way around.  

Then there were the other extremes, the sons who had been caught drinking and driving by the parents with the evidence of a car accident. These were the parents who would then help hide the dented car from the cops. The parents who provided beer for their teenagers parties with the idea that drinking at home would be better than being out drinking at someone else's house. Mind you they were hosting other people's teens.  Parents who regularly were called to school because their child was bullying other children and these parents would vehemently defend their son. They falsely believed their progeny walked on water and could do no wrong. They most probably continued to be abusive as adults. No consequences.

What is this world coming to if big businesses don't clean up their messes and there are no consequences for their bad behavior? What is this world coming to if people are told obvious falsehoods by their "news" station, then their viewers die of the virus and there are no consequences? What is this world coming to if a young man is allowed to walk around with an AK17, kills a few people because he is frightened and there are no consequences. I heard that he recently got a standing ovation at a conservative rally. Bullying and murder rewarded.

How is this doing unto others? How are these loving acts? What can we do about it? 

• Vote the perpetrators of falsehoods out of office.
• Vote out the ones who side with the bullying and abuse and excuse this behavior.
• Speak up to the ones who've been told falsehoods about accurate science.
• Work for the Democrats, I don't see many Republicans championing truth these days
• Run for office, there are people running for school board and volunteering at polling offices who's soul purpose is to intimidate and bully.
• Buy newspapers! it costs far less than daily coffee out
• Be willing to volunteer for causes you care about.
• Put your money where your heart is,  make donations to good candidates, environmental causes, local food banks, etc.

susansmagicfeather 2022 Susan R. Grout
                                        

WEIGHING IN

  I think women tend to be very hard on themselves and push themselves very hard to get things right.           Helen Fielding

I have my annual doctor's appointment and as silly as it sounds I actually had a moment of trepidation. Was it about an illness, was it about my high cholesterol, was it about ageing?  No. I'm delighted to say it was about my weight. Why should I care if the scale goes up or down a few pounds? Why? Because I've been indoctrinated since I was a teen to believing that there is a right look, a right weight and a right style. None of this, in my feminists heart, do I truly believe--- but the malady lingers on. 

First of all, and I'm admittedly a shrimp. Definitely off the norm. I am universally shocked, momentarily, when I see pictures of myself next to my family, I'm little and yet I don't feel that way ever. As a joke my Dad used to say I was "Mrs. Take Charge" when I was a young girl. I guess that's why in my perception of myself I can't possibly be small. And in my guts I believe that most of the time I'm very big and mostly always right. Huh?

If a man speaks in a forest and there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong.  Jerry Dennis

Is my delusion about my height also about my appearance?  Probably.  I believe as my mother said when in her seventies, "out of these eyes is a 35 year old woman." I literally hold that to be the absolute truth. Ageing? Nonsense!

Him: Mom! You used to be really good looking!                                   

me: Zach! 

           Him: I mean it, you used to be...                                                                                                said my teenage son after viewing photos of me in college.                                                                                             

The Waist is a terrible thing to Waste.                                                             Susan Grout

One of the shocking things about ageing is the changing body when your mind is stuck in another era.  Perhaps this is a cliche but I believe that many of us in our 70's who've made a viable effort to take care of our bodies do hope, in our souls, that this diligence is going to pay off. Unfortunately, my skin hasn't gotten the message. Although I'm fairly fit I really do look approximately my legitimate age. Another shocking thing is what I took for granted with this small body. I thought if I kept about the same weight and exercised most days than not, that I would retain my teenage figure. Sadly no. I never appreciated the relatively slim waist until it became, let's say, less narrow. I would have, should have flaunted it. Like the nearly eighty year old woman I met in California. Here's the story:

Years ago I was in a lovely coffee shop with my husband and granddaughter. In marched with a great deal of flamboyance an older woman who was perfectly coiffed, beautifully made up, wearing a flaring skirt, tight blouse and, the piece de resistance, a very wide leather belt.  I spotted her and said, "Isabel?" She fell upon me with open arms crying, "It's so good to see you!" This, my friends, was none other than Isabel Allende, an author I've greatly admired since her first book, The House of the Spirits.  Such a charming lovely woman with the obvious spectacular look. BTW we'd never met before. I understood her willingness to believe we had.  I have a rather ordinary face with regular features and people often mistake me for, "aren't you my cousin Kate's friend?" and etc. I went in and got paper for her as she wanted our address to send me and my granddaughter a book. She did and I cherish this chance encounter in more ways than one. Isabel flaunts what's a pretty good waist, I appreciate that. 

  

My mother was notorious also for the rather comical jabs.  I once told her that I was thinking about losing five pounds and she said, "don't bother it'll just hang." Another time I was complaining to my mom about wrinkles and she said, "go look in the mirror." I did and came back to her comment, "it's all down hill from here." She was right but please!

The truth is I have no legitimate complaints about my body or about ageing. I'm still feeling mostly good despite the aches and pains associated with arthritis. So, the wrinkles, the enlarged waist, the arthritis I will take with gratitude that I get to live and enjoy my life even if once upon a time I was really good looking.

susansmagicfeather  2022  Susan R. Grout 

 

 

 

Revving

 

gorgeous yet stuck in the driveway

I believe that the world has slowed down with this plague and so have I for a number of different reasons. Aging bones, an accidentally cracked tooth that impeded my eating for a couple of months, and the very few visits with friends and family that used to pack my schedule.  However, my reality--- also a blessing in my life--- is the incredible amount of energy that I have. I'm revved and ready to go. The only time I have a case of the 'slows' is when I'm sick or injured. Unlike most people, when I'm upset I pace instead of going back to bed.  It's just my nature to move around.

This surplus of energy, though a blessing, can sometimes be a curse. There are times when so much is going on in my life that my brain insists on processing things over and over again. Sometimes I've been wide awake until 2 or 3 a.m. mind a whirl and thinking. Conversely I get to sleep relatively early like 10 pm and then awaken at 4 am. unable to fall back to sleep. The thoughts keep coming and my brain's not letting me rest. Wide awake. Granted this is not an ordinary occurrence but it's so annoying when it happens. 

What to do, what to do with my brain that's on the squirrel cage yet again?  Truthfully I try all kinds of things but here's what's most effective.  Below is a mix and match list, try any or all. As I used to say to my clients, nothing is 100% effective but 90% is a definite plus.

 tea and a fire 

1.    1.Meditation. I'm not the world's best at this but I figure if I lay there and concentrate on my breathing sometimes it slows the body's revving and I fall back to sleep.
2.    2.Read until your eyes are closing and the book is about to crash on to your face. Always have three or four really engaging books by your bed. 
3.     3.Get out of bed and do some gentle yoga. All postures I use are: downward dog; child's pose; cat/cow; side angle pose; supine twist; legs up the wall and of course, corpse pose when I'm back in bed.
4. Visualize what you want and tell it to the brain: "I'm asleep, I'm so tired I'm sleeping"; "I'm calm and relaxed" repeat endlessly. This last one I use during the day along with saying the word SLOW to myself when I'm hurrying for no good reason.
5. Do a full body scan relaxing each part of your body: "my face is relaxed; my arms are relaxed; my torso is relaxed; my legs are relaxed; my mind is clear." Let's not kid ourselves that last part about the clear mind is the most difficult. 
6. Breathe in for the count of 4, hold the breath for the count of  6 and breathe out for 8. Repeat often or at least until you're sick of it.
7. It might seem counter intuitive but get a snack that helps to induce sleep. A favorite of mine is several walnuts with tart dried cherries and a glass of milk. I read while I eat and when I'm tired enough I go back to bed. Walnuts and tart cherries have melatonin in them that promotes sleep. 
8. Write a list of all that's bothering you, no matter how slight, then come up with solutions. Grief is excluded here, there's no running away from the necessary expression of sorrow, simply allow the sadness. Let it speak to you.
9. Take an ibuprofen and Tums to settle the body and calm the stomach.
10. Mentally drive yourself somewhere in an imaginary car ride. Boring but it works. 
11. Try a gratitude list of favorite people, places and dreams which is quite soothing.
12. "When you're worried and you can't sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep, and you'll fall asleep counting your blessings." sung by Rosemary Clooney
13. Makes sure you get outside each day, preferably with a long walk. 
14. If you have a favorite prayer or inspiring sentence this is the time to concentrate on it.
    
    
    
    

I have to laugh. Here I am being a smarty pants  and I went to bed early last night and slept soundly until 4 am then couldn't get back to sleep. Ironic or pre programed?  Fortunately I have two really good books and finished one and started the other, and then the mediation which was pleasant. Finally I got up for my day at 7 pm. A lovely morning and because it wasn't a struggle or a fight to induce sleep,  I felt and feel fine. 

Happy New Year and may all the blessing of good health and a good attitude come your way.

susansmagicfeather 2022 Susan R. Grout