"A lot of people are afraid of heights, not
me, I'm afraid of widths."
Stephen Wright
Many years ago I became very interested in therapy methods designed to shorten my
client’s suffering. I read everything I could get my hands on which I
presumed would be a refresher of the Brief Therapy model that I
studied in graduate school. But no, it seemed that the new methods were using
the body as well as the mind to enhance recovery from a host of problems.
I was hoping that this would be a quicker therapy than laboriously searching
through their past history and walking through the broken glass of
horrible experiences to change trauma. So, I decided to go to a workshop
that promised these shortcuts. One eyebrow raised and a "prove it"
attitude went along with me.
Interestingly, the workshop was sponsored by a very enlightened group of
people I worked with who were in the behavioral health section of
an insurance company. They encouraged us to study new techniques to expand
our competency and in their best interest enable us to hasten
people's recovery. Win/win: quicker time in counseling [good for the client]
and less out flow of cash for the insurance company. The only problem was I was
inherently skeptical of "quick fixes", nonetheless I ventured forth.
At the workshop the leader presented the process of this kind of therapy
and how it was based on acupuncture points which corresponded to the Chinese
meridian points discovered thousands of years ago. Hum mm, I thought, let's see
if this is just talk with no substantiation. First off, he asked for
volunteers, asking for someone who had something that they were afraid of,
something they wanted to change. Ha, I thought, I don't have anything like
that. The first volunteer was a young woman who bravely stood up before all of
us and said, "I have a terrible fear of heights." O, my, that’s my
familiar fear, and I inwardly cringed.
A couple of years prior I was at my younger son's graduation from college.
My husband and two sons and I wanted to see some sights and my son suggested we
go see a particularly lovely gorge near his college. With great
enthusiasm all of us walked around the entrance to the gorge which was cordoned
off with a fence for safety's sake. My two boys walked right up to the fence,
my husband right behind them, glancing down at the incredible view
below. I did follow and looked down, down, down, then thought I was going
to throw up. I was a mess, cautioning them to "step away from that
fence!" They laughed and started to dangle parts of themselves over the
fence until I was almost in tears. Seems as if I had hidden my fear of heights
rather well, they thought I was kidding. The point - I was terrified.
The workshop leader first attended to the young therapist, having her explain her
fear of heights and asking how many years it had been present in her life and
how it had adversely affected her. She candidly described how she couldn't even
climb a ladder. Then he instructed her to do a series of taps on herself, all
the while thinking of what she was afraid of. This took possibly ten minutes, repetitively checking on her, asking her to rate her experience.
Next, he brought a step stool and asked her if she would consider standing
on it. "Sure!" she said and proceeded to do just that. Wow, I
thought ever the skeptic, I wonder if she was planted to con us.
We were then given the manual which instructed us in the very
simple technique. We then paired off with another therapist, having
one person act as the client and the other as the therapist trying the new
technique we just witnessed.
I went first and as the client, I had to describe my fear in detail. Mine was easy
to root out, it happened when I was 12 years old. My mother had always taken
all six of us kids to the same dentist, Dr. Leishmer. He was kind and good and we
liked him. Well, sadly he’d developed cancer of the jaw. This was sixty years
ago and the treatments at that time for cancer were Draconian,
somewhat like today's treatments, but far less effective. So, Dr. Leishmer came
in to greet us and wearing a surgical mask over his lower face. That
was bad enough but, bless his heart, he smelled like rotting fish. My mother then Sally,
as oldest went first. I took the time to walk out into the hallway, then down
the hallway to a door that led out to the fire escape. This office was on the
12th floor of the building, and it was a beautiful spring day. Since it was
1958, no safety measures were in place, nothing to stop me and I blithely
waltzed out on the fire escape and looked all around Chicago and then looked
down. Whoosh. 12 stories down. I fell to my knees and had to crawl back inside
the building, shaking and nauseous. My turn was next, and I had to go in there
with poor Dr. Leishmer who, despite his cancer was working.
Years later I asked my mom, "why did you takes us to him, that was an
awful experience." She said, "I felt incredibly sorry for him. As
soon as most people heard that he had cancer they canceled their appointments,
and I just couldn't do that to him. He had a family to feed." How I wish
she had prepared us for this experience. I’m still impressed with the kindness
of my mother and for her generosity in being loyal to him. Now I realize, this
was just not her way to give any preparation or explanation in advance to us. Anyway,
the dilemma for me was an internal one: I was sickened by this man, but I
didn't want to cause a scene and refuse to go in. Hence the perfect set up for
a phobia: an internal conflict and horrible fear.
After my therapist partner lead me through the series of taps, humming, and counting
I was to rate my discomfort level. I went from a '9' [ uncomfortable] to a '2'
[comfortable], zero being the most comfortable. I still had some skepticism. Really, was this bizarre treatment going to work in the real world? I’ll cut to the
chase here, I tried it out in many forms and was successful. My biggest triumph
was going to the Empire State building many years ago, really enjoying the
view, heading back to the down the elevator and saying to my husband,
"remember when I used to be afraid of heights?" He answered, "I
almost forgot about that", and I said, "Yeah, so did I".
"You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do
something about its width and depth." H.L.Menken
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| many people fear preforming |
What I want to leave you with is this: if you have an irrational fear and you want it gone, there are fast and effective methods out there to chase them away. I am not going to advocate for any brand name but do go banish the fear. Find someone [psychotherapist, hypnotherapist] who is recommended. What we are after, and it is marvelous, is the cure. It is so worth it: you can see all over Chicago, New York, any gorge and you can look and see what is way, way down below because you feel safe. You will enjoy the experience and be proud of yourself. Myself and many clients conquered their phobias.
susansmagicfeather 2023 Susan R. Grout
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