My Favorite Husband

what could be more important than to enjoy the ride together?

The golden rule is of no use to you unless you realize that it's your move.         Doug Larson

How was I so fortunate to met and then agree to marry my husband of almost fifty years? My guess is it was about 50% luck, 40% knowledge and 10% gut feeling. This ratio has served me well. One of the things that I'd tell clients when I was counseling, was "choosing a life partner is only one part a heart choice. The other two parts involve the head [the intellect] and the gut." Many people are willing to dismiss a person's history when choosing a mate because they feel so in love and for that I'd caution, "watch their actions, not their words." Some questions that I'd ask, "are they still friends with their exes, are they on good terms with their families, are they unfailingly kind, how do you feel when you're around them?" These are important questions and not to be overlooked. Here are the exceptions: when there is emotional or physical abuse, the person may have made a wise choice not to be involved with their exes. Same goes for those who are unfortunately from abusive homes, perhaps distance can be the best healer. The most important components are the unfailing kindness, the friends that she/ he has acquired and the messages you get from your gut about the person.

When I met my husband, I was a very naive nineteen year old sophomore in college. I'd been to an all girls Catholic high school and was backwards in my attitudes toward dating. I didn't date a lot in high school and since my family was comprised of many females, having only one younger brother eight years my junior, I wasn't that savvy about men. So Freshman year, when seemingly "nice" young men approached me I assumed that they were fine. Happily for me it took only a couple of insincere jerks who asked me out and then stood me up, for me to figure out the "watch their actions" part of the equation. Also as a Freshman, far from home and family, I was so scared I wouldn't do well academically I became a bookworm and spent copious hours sequestered in the library. How on earth did this mole come out of her hole?  Sophomore year.

  Men seldom make passes at female smart-asses.                                                                  Letty Cottin Pogrebin

Coming from an all girls high school did have distinct advantages: I considered myself an intellectual equal to all the young men I met. It never occurred to me to hide my intelligence.  I frequently raised my hand in class, answered and asked questions of the professors. To my way of thinking, who wouldn't? I found out. Most of the other young women wouldn't dare to ask or answer. They didn't want to upset the young men by being too inquisitive or bright. Silly but true. I also gravitated toward the young women who'd never dream of being in a sorority [and imagine that, I was never invited] and enjoyed being brainy and/or eccentric. Hence like seeks like.

My college friends were fun, witty, studious, kind and adventuresome. Naturally we were drawn to the guys who were similar in spirit. At the first dance in the fall Sophomore year I danced with a good friend from freshman year. Tom introduced me to this handsome, rowdy, funny friend of his, Dick. I was dating several young men at the time and when I say dating I do mean in the most platonic method of dating possible: movies, dinner out, walking home from class. So I just added D to the rooster. I believe he was dating also but it was no big deal. We slowly got to know each other, studied together, went to the same parties, danced, and eventually lived just a couple of houses away from each other. Our friends clicked as did we, more and more. Best of all he made me laugh and I grew to respect his sharp intelligence and inherent kindness.

After a couple of years he asked me to marry him by inserting a diamond ring inside a box of Cracker Jacks as the prize inside. He knew I was a sucker for Cracker Jack. We went home to my parents for Christmas and announced to them that we were engaged. Their mouths fell open. Mind you this is from the woman who was still able to sneak into the movies as a 12 years old. Now I understand their shock. Then I said in a squeaky voice, "aren't you happy for us?" and they quickly thawed and we celebrated.  Both of my parents absolutely loved him and relished our visits.

the grands think he's funny too

too much fun prior to dinner out with the grands

It is not enough to know what is right. Courage also is need to do what is right.       Arthur Dobbin 

Thank God I came to appreciate Richard Grout's complexity because I shudder to think if I had passed him by. I would have missed out on an extraordinary man.

This is the man who has loved me despite my being just the teeniest bit difficult and opinionated.
This is the man who was my ally in joy with the birth and then raising of our beloved sons.
This is the man who has grieved with me over all the deaths great and small that inevitably come with life and age.
This is the man who took such extraordinary care of me through the miscarriages, our stillborn daughter, the hip surgery, etc. I have never once heard him complain about all the care taking.
This is a man who put his enormous grief aside when my father suddenly died at age 67 of a heart attack and got 17 of us on the same plane to Chicago.
This is the man who tirelessly worked to save the earth, to promote good people into political office, to shepherd with love and respect all who have worked for him.
This is the man who chosen to work with the Department of Ecology for his career instead of the private sector for at least double [triple?] the pay because he believed in the good he was doing.
This is a man who touchingly coached all of his staff through recovery after the horror of the pipeline that blew up in '99 in Bellingham killing four children.
This is the man who as characterized by mother, "Dick is such a fine person, what a blessing he's been in all our lives."
This is a man who wholeheartedly embraces grand parenting and relishes the day to day details of our grand's lives.
This is the man who is the 'go to' for our sons when they have questions about their lives.
This is the man who has been my only husband but has been the most excellent and dear husband any woman could ask for.

Richard, Mr. G, still makes me laugh, we have such fun together, we are worthy opponents in a battle of wills, partners in joy, we love and are loved and that makes all the difference.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2017 Susan R. Grout  all rights reserved