"A lot of people are afraid of heights, not me, I'm afraid of widths."
Stephen Wright
About 15 years ago I became very interested in therapy methods designed to shorten other's suffering. I read everything I could get my hands on which I presumed would be a refresher of the Brief Therapy model that I studied in graduate school. But no, it seemed that the new methods were using the body as well as the mind to enhance recovery from a host of problems. I was hoping that this would be a quicker therapy than laboriously searching through past history and walking through the broken glass of horrible experiences to change trauma. So, I decided to go to a workshop that promised these shortcuts. One eyebrow raised and a "prove it" attitude went along with me.
Interestingly, the workshop was sponsored by a very enlightened group of people I worked with who were in the behavioral health section of an insurance company. They actually encouraged us to study new techniques to expand our competency and in their best interest enable us to hasten people's recovery. Win/win: quicker time in counseling [good for the client] and also less out flow of cash for the insurance company. The only problem was I was inherently skeptical of "quick fixes", nonetheless I ventured forth.
At the workshop the leader told about the process and how it was based on acupuncture points which corresponded to the Chinese meridian points discovered thousands of years ago. Hum mm, I thought, let's see if this is just talk with no substantiation. First off he asked for volunteers, asking for someone who had something that they were afraid of, something they wanted to change. Ha, I thought, I don't have anything like that. The first volunteer was a young woman who bravely stood up before all of us and said, "I have a terrible fear of heights." O, that fear, and I inwardly cringed.
A couple of years prior I was at my son's graduation from college. My husband and two sons and I wanted to see some sights and my son suggested we go out to a see a particularly lovely gorge in near his college. With great enthusiasm all of us walked around the entrance to the gorge which was cordoned off with a fence for safety's sake. My two boys walked right up to the fence, my husband right behind them, glancing down at the incredible view below. I thought I was going to throw up. I couldn't look and a was a mess, cautioning them to "step away from that fence!" They laughed and started to dangle parts of themselves over the fence until I was almost in tears. Seems as if I had hidden my fear of heights rather well, they thought I was kidding. The point - I was terrified.
The leader first attended to the young therapist, having her explain her fear of heights and asking how many years it had been present in her life and how it had adversely affected her. She candidly described how she couldn't even climb a ladder. Then he instructed her to do a series of taps on herself, all the while thinking of what she was afraid of. This took possibly ten minutes. Next, he brought a step stool and asked her if she would consider standing on it. "Sure!" she said, and proceeded to do just that. Wow, I thought, I wonder if she was planted, to con us.
We were then given the manual which instructed us in the very simple technique. We then paired off with another therapist, having one person act as the client and the other as the therapist trying the new technique we just witnessed.
I went first and as the client had to describe the fear in great detail. Mine was fairly easy to root out, it happened when I was 12 years old. My mother had always taken all six of us to the same dentist, Dr. Leishmer. He was kind and good and we did like him. Well, sadly he developed cancer of the jaw. This was fifty years ago and the treatments at that time for cancer were Draconian, somewhat like today's treatments, but far less effective. So, Dr. Leishmer came in to greet us and he was wearing a surgical mask over his lower face. That was bad enough but bless his heart, he smelled like rotting fish. Sally, as oldest went first. I took the time to walk out into the hallway, down the hallway to a door that lead out to the fire escape. This office was on the 12th floor of the building and it was a beautiful spring day. Since it was 1958, no safety measures were in place, nothing to stop me and I blithely waltzed out on the fire escape and looked all around Chicago and then looked down. Whoosh. 12 stories down. I fell to my knees and had to crawl back inside the building, shaking and nauseous. My turn was soon next and I had to go in there with poor Dr. Leishmer who, despite his cancer was working.
Years later I asked my Mom, "why did you takes us to him, that was awful." She said, "I felt incredibly sorry for him. As soon as most people heard that he had cancer they canceled their appointments and I just couldn't do that to him. He had a family to feed." How I wish she had prepared us for this experience and for her generosity in being loyal to him. Not her way. Anyway the dilemma for me was an internal one: I was sickened by this man but I didn't want to cause a scene and refuse to go in. Hence the perfect set up for a phobia, internal conflict and fear.
After my partner lead me through the series of taps, humming, counting I was to rate my discomfort level. I went from a '9' [ uncomfortable] to a '2' [comfortable], zero being the most comfortable. I still had some skepticism, was going to work in the real world? Cut to the chase here, I tried it out in many forms and was successful. My biggest triumph was going to the Empire State building several years ago, really enjoying the view, heading back to the down the elevator and saying to my husband, "remember when I used to be afraid of heights?" He answered "I almost forgot about that", and I said, "Yeah, so did I".
"You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth." H.L.Menken
What I want to leave you with is this: if you have an irrational fear and you want it gone, there are fast and effective methods out there to chase them away. I am not going to advocate for any brand name in particular but do go banish the fear. Find someone [psychotherapist, hypnotherapist] who is recommended. What is marvellous is the cure. It is so worth it: you can see all over Chicago, New York, any gorge and look and see what is way down below because you feel safe and you will enjoy it and be proud of yourself.
magicfeather copyright 2011 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved.
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