Small Town Therapist on Advice to Men, Really

If you are loving and diligent you can do whatever you want.                         Saint Augustine

A woman's work is never done.                                                                    Anon 

How dare I, right?  Give advice to men as a mere woman?

Many years ago I gave informative talks in the local high school to the teens about drugs and alcohol. I, at the time, worked for the Community Drug and Alcohol Center, which does sound like a joke now. But at the time this was a new concept, an agency focused on helping people and their families who had issues with alcohol and drug abuse. Alcoholism was roaring through our community and many individuals and families needed help. Today they have better names for these agencies and there is still a crisis involved within small towns as well as the big cities. The pay was appallingly bad then and I believe that's sadly still the case. 

In my talk I took to telling stories about compromising situations like the following:

It was their first date and she was so thrilled to be chosen by this attractive hunky male and all her friends seemed envious of her. He said, "let's go casual" which translated to no dinner out at a fancy restaurant but burgers that they'd bought "Dutch". Still she didn't mind but was somewhat disappointed. He suggested that they go hang out at his apartment and she meekly agreed. They ate their burgers in silence and then he started to put his greasy hands all over her. She stood up and said, 'are you crazy!' and went for the door. He blocked the door and pulled at her clothes. "I'm not okay with this!" He said, "so what" and she added "I'm not on the pill" and that didn't stop him. After he raped her he went to his bathroom. She fled and went to the police station where the first questions was, "did you voluntarily agree to go with this man to his apartment?"

Needless to say, no test was given and unfortunately a pregnancy ensued. The states at that time didn't seem to care about the circumstances and she was bewildered by the lack of concern about her attacker. The young woman could have an abortion if she chose because this happened the late '70's. Not the case today especially in the state of Texas  and many other states.

Do I have to say this happens every day with disgusting frequency. A young naïve woman impregnated by a violent narcissistic male. Who is to blame in this fictitious scenario? In some states you know the answer to this---the young woman. 

Hard to believe that some men who can't even have babies complain bitterly about pregnant women and the children of the poor. Many impoverished families have no males as head of the household and their circumstances make it impossible to get out of the poverty cycle. In most cases this is not because of divorce but abandonment. Interestingly, men have the ability to impregnate women, as many as they desire, thousands of times in any given year. As pointed out over and again a woman can have a baby only once a year and those men that are loving and responsible will study up on this phenomena prior to having sex with a woman. Yet this is sadly not always true. Willy--nilly [pun intentional] often the male of our species pays no attention to the consequences of unprotected sex. These careless men also know by and large our society is completely unsympathetic to a pregnant women.  In fact many solely blame the woman for any pregnancy-- despite the circumstances. Rape? Ah well, one politician was sure that "the women could absorb the egg and prevent a pregnancy". If she didn't, that stubborn woman should face the consequences. 

the male seahorse giving birth

Where are the males in the above scenario? Who cares? Certainly not the right to lifers. I've often suggested that the 10K bounty on pregnant women trying for an abortion [currently in Texas suggested in Idaho] should shifted to the impregnators. Really. Round 'em up bring them in and fine them the 10K.

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.                                           Matt Groening

I how I wish we had an adaptive mechanism like the seahorse or the Emu. In both instances the male of the species has repercussions for their off spring. In Seahorses the males actually carries the fetuses and in the Emu's case it's the male who incubates the eggs and often takes care of more than 20 of the the ensuing chicks. Then, if this were true in the males of our species, despite the circumstances, bingo-- the male would immediately be forced to deal with the results of the pregnancy to the scorn of the nation. Oh, the poor man! I love this "what if"....

An example of one loving man

I know that by and large there are absolutely wonderful men out there who are loving and caring and responsible for their actions. That's why when I talked all those years ago to the teens I made sure we also talked about the consequences of unprotected sex, which tends to go hand in hand with alcohol and drugs. Goodness knows I'd be arrested in today's climate for discussing sex in the school. Interestingly, not one teen ever complained to their parents about my talk. My favorite quote was the statistic that "the lowest incident of teen pregnancy in the developed world was in Japan. Their only form of birth control in the late 70's was condoms ".

Get with it men! Educate your brethren.

susansmagicfeather 2023 Susan R. Grout