Small Town Therapist on Patience

Have patience with all things, but chiefly with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them---every day begin the task anew.             St. Francis de Sales

Embarrassing to admit but I am not known for a wealth of patience outside of my office. My poor long suffering husband! With my clients, I'm most often calm, attentive, and steadfast in my devotion to listening, not reacting. Deliberate in my comments, reflective in any suggestions I might have, I hold still and allow the thoughts and feelings of the person before me to gel prior to interruption. Don't I wish that this was true of me all the time when I'm with people in various settings and meetings. 

When I'm in a meeting with any organization, eg. Democrats, community groups working on a levy, or on a volunteer board, I become impatient if the meeting is being needlessly drawn out. Sometimes in a group meeting, people will not only belabor a point but will veer off topic and bogart the room with something that we were never supposed to be talking about. Stick to the topic people! I mutter under my breath. Then if this verbal rambling goes on too long I will interrupt and suggest we get back to the points at hand not in the kindest of words.  As I see it, the solution is readily at hand. To sum up: I become impatient and outspoken. Sigh.

victim in Pompei

One of the origins of my impatience was my profession. As a psychotherapist I not only valued my time, but the client's time as well. If someone was going over and over the same problem [which therapists referred to as 'looping'] I'd gently suggest that time was 'a-wasting'. I'd remind the client that I said at the start our working together in therapy,  I'd intervene if I thought it could be helpful. Let me just add that I rarely interrupted someone who was grieving or people who'd been abused or the ones suffering from trauma.

 

This is a flaw I've been working on for most of my adult life. Mr. G  who loves me says, "if you look up impatience in the dictionary, there's your picture". Ugh. I sadly, must admit...there is truth to that rumor. Breathe in, breathe out.

Since I've retired, what methods have I employed to help me becoming more patient person? I'm quick on my feet literally. I move quickly and accomplish tasks quickly and read quickly. Because of all the quickly, I have to stop in my tracks. First of all [when I remember to] I caution myself to breathe. I've also learned to meditate most days, This sadly, isn't a very long list of tackling a difficult subject--- I'm very much a work in progress, I have to be patient with myself.  Aren't we all works in progress? I do laugh at myself on a daily, sometimes hourly basis that helps. Why am I in such a rush out of the clinical setting even at home? Let's blame someone, [not me, please].

I was raised in a large, loving, Catholic family where there was always hurry and insistence that we do things immediately if not sooner. I, as a little girl was always a dreamy kid, the kind who looked at her shoes while walking to school. I was frequently distracted by exciting phenomena like--- puddles! I could peer at bugs in the water and rejoice in clouds above reflecting on the watery surface. This did not help me gaining ground on the awaiting school. Late! Punishments, yikes.  Being one of six kids in a family and my mother needed help, pronto. Then I worked at the family restaurant, first in the kitchen where the chef was on you if you weren't working at warp speed. Waitresses have my utmost respect as they are required by nature of their profession to hurry and then be pleasant.  I could do that as a waitress. Then I had babies who, let's face it, are not the most patient of people when they're hungry or need a diaper changed. I answered the call in spades. I believed I was supposed to. It was stunning to me that some of the mothers I knew had a more lackadaisical approach and their babies were fine without the rushing and fussing that was my style. 

Currently I have all the time in the world to be that dreamy kid but there's this underlying emphasis inside me that fears I'm going to be late! for what?  Sometimes I secretly believe that I'm not doing enough, the yearning for peace from the war within...those insecurities and anxieties that run riot in my head when things are not going smoothly. Most fortunately for me, my life is mostly calm, peaceful and hopeful.

So I'll lean on St. Francis de Sales and start each day anew with the desire to be patient with anyone I'm around, including my sometimes foolish self.

susansmagicfeather 2022 Susan R. Grout