Remembering a Friend

There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends.  That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first. When you learn to live for others, they will live for you.                                                 Pramahansa Yogananda 

I had surgery several weeks ago and after my surgery the people of this community were fantastic. They dropped off dinners, books, magazines and other delights. As I mentioned Mr. G and I didn't cook a meal for three weeks. This was absolutely true for my old friends, Jim and Judy. J & J arrived on a sunny day, a week after my surgery with a Coleman cooler stuffed full of food. Judy said, "Jim made this happen." He had cooked short ribs with a rich gravy, mashed potatoes and venison chili. Judy made an apple pie and apple crisp. Such bounty! I was touched and so grateful. Then, the piece de resistance, they also brought a lunch that day for all of us. We all sat out on our deck downing delicious sandwiches, drinking sodas and talking about our old friendship of more than thirty years.

"What a treat!" I said to them and Jim said,  "I bet I win for best and most food brought to a convalescing friend". "Yes, yes, you do!" I said and laughed. Jim did win in the giving and generosity category for my convalescence. He also won for years of generous service.

Jim had a history of showing up in the thirty five years that we knew him, especially when a family member was in trouble with alcohol. Jim was right there to share his experience, strength and hope. Many years ago he told my son who was first in line for the parties, "right now you're in an elevator going down. At any time you can push the button to go back up, but the further down you go the harder it is and it takes more time." This advice was given more than twenty years ago and it still reverberates with my son.

This was a man who got excessive joy from bringing cheer to others. He could fill a room or even a store for that matter. He would walk into a store and soon have all the clerks chuckling at his lively sense of humor. His greatest joy besides his wife Judy was his daughter and his two grandsons. He lived to be 'Odie' [his nick name for Grandpa]. It is my belief if there was an Olympic medal for grand parenting he would have walked away with the gold. When I said this to his mother in law she said, "and for parenting!"

Jim died on Friday October 26 of a pulmonary embolism, unexpectedly and suddenly. We all will miss him, his hearty laugh, his generosity and his love.

 A lovely story that my friend Judy tells is that when she was living in Hawaii and Jim was in California he used to send ee cummings poems with his love letters. "That is how he courted me and won my heart," Judy said. Here is the poem that we read at Jim's memorial. To Judy from Jim, may he rest in peace Amen.

i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me  (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it  (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me-- is your doing,  my darling)

i fear no fate

(for you are my fate, my sweet)

i want no world

(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are-

whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud  and the sky of the sky

of a tree called life; which grows higher

than the soul  can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder   that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart  (i carry it in my heart)

susansmagicfeather copyright 2012 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved