How Do Honesty and Laughter Help in Life and Therapy?

Tell the truth and run.                   Old Swedish Proverb

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.                                                                                Sir Winston Churchill

I tell the truth, not as much as I would but as much as I dare --- and I dare more and more as I grow older.                 Michel de Montaigne

Being a psychotherapist can be tricky at times. The temptation is frequently there to consider myself the Queen who wants her subjects to take notes and do what I say. Ha. One of the best ways to conquer this tragic flaw is to hit it up front and say to the clients, "Do you have to do anything that I say?" Most people answer immediately, "No!" and that's just the answer I want. The information I give is always from my perspective, as I see it, but the client may not be able or willing to hear it. Someone once said to me "you have to let your clients follow their own destinies." Nice, however this is particularly difficult if you see them repeating the same mistakes over and over again. After all, aren't they paying me to steer them in a different direction? So, what comes into this head and out of my mouth is my truth. I believe in telling it like I see it. Being human, and this always comes as a shock to me, I'm not always right. But I say it anyway. Sometimes I soften the truth with humor but there it is: tell the truth and run. Makes life easier.

There are exceptions to being strictly honest and one of my favorite interventions is brought to you by Mr. G.  I'll ask him [foolishly] "do I look fat or thin in this outfit?" and his stock answer is, "you are perfect." Ahhh, need I say more?

Cheerfulness is the atmosphere in which all things thrive.    Jean Paul Richter

Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness its poison.   Stanislaus

In the 1979 Norman Cousins wrote a book [Anatomy of an Illness] about his recovery from what was supposed to be a fatal illness. He found that by making himself laugh for 45 minutes a day he could get a better night's sleep and better still it helped the pain. Stranger than fiction it worked, he recovered, wrote the book and then became a crusader for laughter therapy. I hopped right on that band wagon.

Don't confuse laughter with the circus; laughter and ridicule are the most devastating tools an organization can use.           Saul Alinsky

Laughter does a marvelous job of interrupting cycles of depression, tension and hopelessness. Good examples are "Springtime for Hitler" from the Mel Brooks movie 'The Producers" as well as the film, "Life is Beautiful" both made fun of the most unbelievable atrocity: the Concentration camps and Hitler. Seemingly not funny but they worked brilliantly making us mock the unthinkable.

Laughter does all kinds of wonderful things for us physiologically and psychologically. It gives every organ in the body a hearty workout--- stimulating the pituitary gland which sends out endorphins that among other things, eases pain. So why not employ one of the easiest remedies when working with clients? Of course you have to revel in a strong sense of humor if you are going to pull this off, but again, why not? The old schools of psychotherapy would be appalled. Me thinks that the "professionalism" of psychotherapy takes itself a bit too seriously.

In our family a sense of humor starts early

Just as selling a home is most effective if you have the right location, location, location using laughter and humor,  you have to have the right timing, timing, timing. To work properly humor in therapy must be well timed, relevant to the person and the situation and the client must be well regarded and respected by the therapist. A good example is one wonderful client, Bill* came in and following my dictum: be aware and amused, he proceeded to tell me the following story. "I came home after a grueling day at work to find my 8 year old son making costumes for his guinea pig for a 4 H contest. He was trying to fasten an antenna to the guinea pig's head with little success. Soon the kitchen was filled with his older brother applying silver paint to cardboard for the rocket ship and I was wrestling with the guinea pig..." at this point we were both laughing so hard, just picturing it, he then said "and I thought --this is my life!" The eight year old said joyfully, "hey Dad, it's Pig's in Space".

we roar for more, humor that is

A simple but favorite intervention of mine is to role play the mistaken behavior and then contrast it with what can be done differently. Mr and Mrs Touche* were in the office after yet another one of their perpetual fights. She has a job that takes her away from home for weeks at a time and he is left in charge of the elderly cat. She said, "when I came home after being gone more than a week I opened the door and saw all of the cat's bedding and her heating pad strewn all over the floor. I was immediately furious and yelled at him. I'm not proud of myself." He said, "that was so unfair, I was merely moving everything so the cat could have a new place to sleep near me during the day." Grim tension filled the air and so I said, "been there, done that myself." Sad but true this is one of my tragic flaws as well: jumping to conclusions. So I stood up and said, "OK, try this Mrs. T. Pretend you have just said your crabby sentence and he is answering with that explanation." She shook her head in agreement, and I added, "immediately walk backwards out the door and re enter with, a "hello honey, what's up?" I over dramatized and demonstrated being crabby and then exiting and coming back in as a nice person. They both laughed and the atmosphere went from hopeless to hopeful. The grim tension fled and their faces lit up. 

Whole books have been written about "change one thing" in your interactions to break up repetitive problems and it works. My favorite change intervention is lightening the situation with a slug of humor.

Many people and therapists believe that it's only through heavy heartache and overwhelming suffering that change can occur. I say to clients, "you don't have to continually walk through broken glass to gain insight, you can gain insight through laughter as well as tears."

Laughter at one's self can be an important sign of maturity. Raising children taught this to me best of all, watching my little boys become able to laugh at themselves and then learn from their mistakes. Some of the best humorous stories, revolve around our human foibles. My Dad was a great one for recounting these moments. Once he played in a golf classic and was paired with Glen Campbell. "I was nervous with the huge crowd watching me in hushed silence as I was about to tee off. Well, I did a flawless practice shot, stepped up to the tee, swung with all my might and missed the ball completely. A gasp went out from the crowd, embarrassed for me. I put my hand to my forehead as though seeing the ball sailing away in the distance and said in a loud voice, "tough course!". The crowd roared with laughter."  His humor created a lovely moment, dispelling all tension, creating fun and laughter by making fun of himself. His humor was so infectious that I caught it. Would that everyone could look upon the world with those sunny, funny colored glasses.

*Obviously the names Bill and  Mr and Mrs Touche are pseudonyms.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2014 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved.