Pregrieving

Someday I'll...

This is someday, round, full and rich
with possibilities.                                        

An agility of balance, strength and style
come pouring forth.

This is what you are waiting for,
the fullness of today
rife with meaning, tempered
by light, by dark and something
luminescent in between.

Open your windows and
breathe in the air.
Even from a cell
you can see the sky,
the stars.                       Susan R. Grout 2011


One of the sad facts of life is that many of us put our lives on hold and live only for the future. We lean toward a dark cast on the thoughts of the future and we become consumed with fear of what horrible thing might befall us. I call this pregrieving.

Remember from the previous post, our mind wants a job. If someone has been a chronic worrier, and that's how her brain has been nourished, the mind automatically will dive for that part of the brain--- the very long established groove for worrying. As you know from the previous post this route is escapable .

One of the important lessons for those who are always poised to anticipate the worst, the people who chronically pregrieve is to allow the them to go there. I say, "go ahead, worry for awhile". My favorite intervention is to add, "take a paper and pen with you and write down any insights that you come upon when you are worrying." Let that person figure out "what's the worst that can happen?" I say, "this is best done in a timely fashion, let it take minutes, even seconds and then quickly come to acceptance and move on." In moving on, go to that pleasurable activity to redirect the brain from the established groove of worry. This takes commitment and discipline.

I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water                         Wendell Berry

What we are all hopefully trying to do in this life is to live to our fullest. A famous sister frequently adds, "carpe them diems." To which I add, amen sister. So when you have an attack of fear and worry and find yourself pregrieving some future happening, carpe...

I had a nurse friend who shocked many a patient in the ER with the question "what is the worst thing that could happen...". Interestingly even if the answer was, "well, I guess I could die..." the reflection was oddly calming. Really. Then she could talk to them about an array of other choices and things that could happen.

This darling bunny never has a good reason to be fearful, so much love...

What really bollixes up life is fear. Fear paralyzes people and renders them unable to think clearly. Once someone is fearful they stop breathing freely, the breath becomes constricted and it clouds judgement. You become like a little bunny, frozen by the perceived dangers of life. You might notice this shortness of breath and if you do, catch yourself, breathe slowly with longer exhalations than inhalations. Then you will be giving yourself the gift of thought again.

Burying our dear Mother, literally.

If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be.
John R. Miller

Death is always the end of the story. We all are going to die, and no one gets out of this world alive. So face death. I know that it's not a terrific thought, but it is the truth. We all must live each day as though it is our last. Live it with love, kindness, hope, charity and generosity as a way to make your place and contribution to this world. Go out with a bang not a whimper. May the powerful force of love be with you.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2014 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved.