What or Who do You Hold Dear?

What do you hold dear? Who do you hold dear? These questions can be answered in millions of different ways. However in the simplest form isn't loving and being loved what we all want? And don't we wish that those who we love have tons of love in their lives, and while they're at it, they love us. Of course, if you follow the golden rule, while you are doing to others as you wish to be treated yourself, life becomes so much easier and rewarding. This should be so obvious, but things can get in the way.

One thing that can always get in the way is an out of whack value. If you most highly value the power of money and greed over takes your vision, you might discover, with maturity, it's relatively difficult to cuddle up to money and possessions. Sure you can purchase help, but this pales in comparison to having especially good friends and a loving relationship with your family. I find one of life's essentials is having close relationships with friends and family. This can go a long way in guiding us on a daily basis and ultimately bringing joy throughout our lives. This fact is borne out in statistics when asked what most influences people's happiness. The rewards of having friends and a supportive family certainly outweighs all the effort and time it takes to make these important actions that in the long run is good for all our lives.

In a post long ago I wrote that I am rich in sisters. I know as my years of being a psychotherapist that many people have trouble liking or even loving their siblings. That was not the case in our family. Last month, for example, my sister and I played music for the local library's Memory Café. This was set up to help, and hopefully bring joy, to the ones who have memory problems. And it was a joyful experience, especially meaningful to me because it was shared with my sister.

Do you value the country you live in, not just the physical place but also the residents who inhabit your country? This includes the ones with gifts and ones without much to give.  Do you consider everyone as your neighbor? Can you be the kindest person in the country?
Or is it more important to you to have yours and neglect those that don't have as much as you. What kind of a person do you long and strive to be? Gracious, helpful, studious, industrious, kind, generous, loving or the polar opposite: rude, selfish, ignorant, lazy, unkind, stingy and hateful. Dear god, I hope there is not a debate there.

One of my favorite sayings to my clients in the more than 40 years of being a psychotherapist was "kindness doesn't cost a cent, but it pays great dividends." This is a value that I hold dear and to "spring forth with love each day" has brought untold love back to me. I believe  this is always true when remembered. I have witnessed these notions bringing great joy to all the clients who practice these sayings.

What can seriously interfere with all of this "just spread joy" is deep and profound grief.  You never know who is grieving and hurting and so I feel it is imperative to be loving and kind even if someone is rude, nasty or impatient with you. Give them the benefit of  a doubt. However, if someone is persistently rude and nasty and you are the recipient of that, it's time to lovingly confront them, to let them know their behavior is unacceptable. As an example I waltzed many a client through the art of saying firmly but kindly "knock it off".  Then if the recipient refuses to stop with the verbal abuse it is best to avoid them saying something to the effect, "you obviously want to continue to be offensive to me, I can't continue this relationship until you decide that my friendship is worthy of respect and kindness." Then stop any interaction unless that person is willing to act like a mature adult.

People can change. Be open to that fact and be willing to accept apologies but trust has to be earned especially if someone has been abusive to you in the past.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2019 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved