The Other Part of Motherhood

Present politics of today are being, again, run by men that have absolutely no interest in the health and well being of more than half of their constituents: the women of the USA. This callousness, this insensitivity is something that we women have been fighting since the early sixties. The current group of Republicans in the House and Senate are proof positive that misogyny rules. They want to go back to restricting a woman's right to choose, to take away access to birth control especially for poor women and restrict medicare for the poorest among us, the elderly women. Is this just stupidity or just plain meanness?

Women have a right to privacy with their bodies

Love one another.  Jesus

This is a sculpture of grief. Held aloft by all these people is a dead  baby.

In 1975 I had a stillborn baby girl, we named her Sarah Emily. It was a difficult pregnancy and I suffered through it with the naive hope that everything would be worth it when I held that baby in my arms. Since we had two sons Sarah was a very wanted and longed for baby girl. Then the disaster happened, she died prior to the induced birth and I was a grieving mess for quite a while.

Here's where it gets more pertinent to what is going on today.  I got up my courage and we tried again and in 1977 I had another pregnancy. Sadly, it also ended when the baby boy died in utero. I didn't want to carry around a dead baby inside of me and very fortunate for me I was able to have a therapeutic abortion. Would this happen with the current climate of restrictions looming out there now? I believe not. I know it would have been made imminently more complicated if the current recommendations for the new ACA were enacted.

Imagine, if you dare, what it would feel like to have a painful and disastrous pregnancy and then be told that nothing could be done about you carrying a dead fetus? The argument might run along the lines, "we believe that there may be a slight chance that the fetus is viable". The importance is shifted from me, my grief and reality to the viability of the fetus. Wonder if I did give birth to the tiny one inside me and his health was very, very compromised? Would there be any assistance in his life because of numerous preexisting conditions? I see that the men who are in favor of the new restrictions on women's health care are truly not interested in women or in any child that is born, but in controlling the woman's body. Privacy between a woman and her Doctor? Forget it. If only men could get pregnant...

What did happened to me: we did find out through more sophisticated blood work that Mr. G and I have a blood incapability very similar to the RH factor, it is the Kell factor. Our little babies were dying internally by my body attacking their blood. How incredibly lucky it is for us that we have two sons! How sad that anyone should have to go through losing a child and how much worse it could have been for me and my family if there was some stiff opposition to what I wanted for my body which was to end the pregnancy. I was given a choice, to carry that little girl and that little boy until nature took its course. I chose to end the pregnancies with medical intervention. You might ask yourself, why are these political men gleefully causing suffering to their female constituents? Trust me and all the families who have lost children, losing a child to stillbirth or miscarriage is stunningly difficult.

Happily for me and my family, many of our friends rallied and the boys were well taken care of. I in turn went on to learn from my suffering and my grief and was able to help others who had similar losses in their lives. I then became a full time counselor for over thirty years. As awful as these losses were grief added to my depth of understanding for my work.

One  of the joys of my life is having good relationships with all my family. I have a very special relationship to my "nieces to pieces". I have so many wonderful young women in my life and then the wonderful bonus of granddaughters. So gratitude after all is what life is all about.

May all of you who have suffered find comfort and some peace. I send you love and hope.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2017 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved