Gratitude can change your attitude. Al Anon
Blessed is she who expects no gratitude, for she shall not be disappointed. W.C. BennettA grand light bulb moment came to me years ago sitting in the car of with a friend while on the ferry. She was going on and on in an unpleasant way about something [her ex?] and I, very dutifully, was listening, listening, listening. Sinking ever lower in my seat I turned my head and looked out the window. The water was sparkling, the sun shining, the earth moving and I turned back to her and said, "excuse me, I'll be back in a bit." I went up on the deck of the ferry and the only one talking to me were the seagulls wheeling over head. It was a defining moment for me because I realized that I didn't have to endlessly listen to someone go on and on about the same old complaint. I could exit stage left and open up to the world.
In my practice I get paid to listen. I have always assumed that was only half of the equation. I also get paid to come up with inventive, interesting and sometimes even effective solutions to the problems that the clients bring to me. I don't let anyone go on and on with the same complaint because, for one thing, it is bad business for the brain to ruminate. So I gently interrupt and insert an idea or merely point out that we talked about the exact same thing fifteen minutes ago. I'd want someone to treat me this way, do unto others and all...
Ridiculous as it seems, all those years ago I firmly believed I was supposed to not only listen, but to solve problem of those I'd listened to--whenever, where ever. Silly, I know so when I figured out, "just step outside and take a breather" it opened up a whole new world for me.
Last post I talked about the roles that most of us played in our family of origin. A good clue as to whether we are being driven by a role [and not being authentic] is to listen to our bodies. As I said, my body was sagging and I was feeling heavier and heavier in that car seat. Happily I had been to a meeting recently and heard the phrase, "gratitude can change your attitude." Knowing that I was feeling anything but grateful to be where I was, I left. The day was waiting for me. Now I also realize that I had the freedom to do this and this isn't always the case. Sometimes all of us get stuck with a sick kid or a crabby person who we have to tend to in our lives. We have to stay, but still, we can take breathers. And speaking of breathers, one of the first things that happens when someone is under stress is they start breathing from the top part of their lungs. So taking several deep cleansing breaths is essential to maintaining your equilibrium. It clears the head, gives oxygen to the brain and rejuvenates the entire body. Simple and effective and essential to remember when under duress.
The sick kid is not going to be grateful to you nor is the crabby older person you're taking care of, let it go. Once I was driving down our road, out onto the road into town when I came upon papers strewn all across the highway, some of it looked like money. I pulled off and started to gather the papers and the money and noticed all of it was from a wallet that was laying in the middle of the road. After about twenty minutes, as I was finishing picking everything up and placing it back in the wallet, I noticed it was one of our neighbors down the road know for his eccentricities. I was holding the wallet thinking about trying to find him when up he drives, grabs the wallet out of my hand and says, "thanks' and zoomed off. Dude! Made me laugh really hard and has made an excellent story ever since.
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