Small Town Therapist Announces Awards for Saving the Country

 

 I've hoped that the governing body of this country would come to their senses and restructure the tax system so that the billionaires would be taxed. They currently make ridiculous profits. One way is for the billionaires' to pay with in kind services.  Many things would profit, pun intended, from a vast influx of cash.

This country has a deep infrastructure problem that was exacerbated during the Trump administration's four years of ineptitude. Bridges are failing, roads are crumbling, and some buildings are well beyond their sell date. Also, stunningly, even though the Biden administration has tried to play catch up, feeding more people, there's still many with food insecurity. Also our public schools continue to need help, the teachers are seriously under paid.

Does all this seem impossible to fix? It's not! Here are the tasks cheerfully assigned to the billionaires who pay a very depressing near $0% of their income and profits for our country's well being.

pigs are more caring than...

Welcome to the awards for saving our country.

1. Mr. Fly Me To the Moon Bezos: I assign the task of tackling an effective recycling program in this country. Lord knows, you have contributed, times a million, to the un-recyclable debris left in our oceans, garbage and land fills. As any good mother knows, "clean up after yourself, Jeff." Don't worry you will still have massive amounts of money and change left over from this endeavor to fly high.

2. Mr. Elon Musk: you are given the honor of repairing all the roads in this country. You supposedly care about cars and here is your chance to prove it, and perhaps the safety of the people riding in those cars. It's part of the plan to keep the U.S. safe without leaving the atmosphere.

3. The Waltons including Alice, Jim and Rob Walton: you will undertake the job of actually feeding all of those in need. How, you might ask, can there be any hunger in America? As one of the wealthiest families in the U.S. acknowledging we are one of the richest countries in the world. Perhaps you haven't grasped the full concept of sharing? Since the inception of Walmart you have ridiculously underpaid your workers and actually insisted that they get on welfare and food stamps. Wow, just look at all the money you saved for yourselves. I propose that you pay back wages in triplicate to all the former and current employees. Next it is essential that you pay back the basically hijacked monies to the U.S. government. This will enrich our food banks and social security for the nation. No impoverished person left behind, I'm sure you'll agree. 

4. Mark Zuckerberg: you of the Facebook fame who constantly decries, 'no flies on me', you have the job of making sure all of the children in the U.S. have excellent educations. This will include courses on how to figure out if someone is hustling you. Facebook has been a champ of allowing falsehoods and spreading hate and you must turn this around. Easy!  Information that is honest and true and doesn't hurt people.  You helped usher in the Trump administration and needless to say, it is now time to repent for your sins. Additionally you will give all teachers a healthy raise in pay. Onward for fairness in education, truth and justice Mr. Zuckerberg.

5. The Koch Family: Remember your wealth started with your father and has been used to despoil this country. Not nice. You basically bought politicians with your wealth and basically started the Tea Party and currently are funding Project 2025. You gave billions to the Trump election, of course, for more favors. Therefore your assignment is to devote the rest of your lives to cleaning up the environment, air, water and pollution which the Trump administration tried very hard to denigrate. We all can agree on clean air, water and healthy people for the USA, right? That's supposedly a promise of all conservatives.

 none are immortal

Years ago Maureen Dowd wrote a column in the New York Times about "Fat Cats on A Hot Tin Roof". It got me thinking about this very issue. The billionaires pay no taxes and try to convince all of us that they are good citizens. How exactly can that be? They're greedy and insensitive to the plight of ordinary, tax paying citizens. 

On a final note, you'll see that I didn't mention Bill Gates, Melinda Gates, MacKenzie Scott or Warren Buffet. This is because, although I'm sure they don't pay their fair share of taxes, all of these wealthy individuals have tried with their wealth to save humanity. They are kind and very generous with their various charities. They contribute richly to the health and welfare of the world. Thank you for the generosity.

 Since we are all going to die dear Billionaires. Wouldn't you like to err on the side of goodness and generosity with your vast wealth? You Can't Take It With You! Money can't buy you love! However, wealth, when generously shared, can purchase good will and admiration. I believe it's called a legacy. 

Love, Susan R. Grout     cheerleader for the people of this country.  

susansmagicfeather 2024 Susan R. Grout

Is It Possible to Reduce Violence?

Lights on, curtains down, the ringmaster's leaving town.                                    All his bullies patrol the grounds, plotting revenge even now.                                                                             Susan Grout 2021

Is this what happens in the U.S. of A.? We read the statistics that more than 20,000 are dead by guns this year, and almost half of that statistic by suicide. But how do we stop this preventable carnage? Have we become immune to the people that are dead or the ones wounded behind these numbers? Can we agree to stop this neglect now?

You turned your back then you turn the page,                           planting a hole in our soul.                                                          SRG 

 There is no question that we have a repetitive problem in our country and the world with violence toward our fellow humans. The amount of damage is grossly underestimated because every act of violence impacts so many people, not just the ones being attacked.

Why is it I keep writing about the subject of violence, most often--- domestic violence, over and over again? The answer: I'm very lucky in my life to never have suffered at the hands of anyone who took care of me or was close to me. When I became a psychotherapist in my twenties I was shocked at the stories I was hearing from my clients. I thought, 'really it couldn't have been that bad. Could it?' The dawn of awareness kept on coming, client after client with stories from their relationships or childhoods that were living within their skins and brains. This led me to help start 'Volunteers Against Violence' in our small community. I went to workshops and needed to learn everything I could about this very under reported, very misunderstood reality. 

In order to start a group to protect the victims of abuse and violence we needed to verify and find out how extensive the problem was. Two women friends and I went to the various Sheriff departments in our area to ask this question "How common is domestic abuse and violence in our county" and they all basically said, "oh it's not that bad around here. We usually just break up the fights". Of course this meant leaving the scene, no protection for the families no consequences for the abuser. This, to me, was horrifying---abandoning the women and children, the Sheriff believing that the families would "just figure it out." No help.  

Today, strengthened by our community with a department and salaries for the workers, the group is going strong. Fortunately our community now has the renamed 'Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services'. Also fortunately there are many other similar organizations though out many communities in the nation. The awareness has been raised because of a lot of hard work by many caring women and men.  We desperately need this intelligence to expand into the fabric of law enforcement. It's time to recommend the emphasis in the law enforcers needs to be on the abusers not on ignoring the families.  I keep reading about women who are being abused calling for help because they are afraid of the abuser. Worse many of these abusers have guns, guns and more guns. And sadly many times these calls are minimized or ignored altogether. 

Stunning crowds grew high on rage,                                                                       he left with a tarnished crown,                                                                               the circus is leaving town.          SRG

Even though de-funding the police has been unhelpfully touted as the best solution, reexamination on the tactics and methods used by the policed not only makes sense but is an obvious necessity.  This could start with less aggression used by the cops in making arrests. I'm curious, why not aim for a person's foot instead of their chests? Isn't that what sharp shooting is all about? Taser before bullets. Anyone have a good idea about that? How about using the very excellent social workers we have in this country to assist every police force? Then, how about paying those workers good salaries, as much as the police are given. 

I must give credit: we, as a country are making progress for women and on women's rights. Women are more protected and believed than when I started working on this problem of domestic violence in the '80's. The latest efforts are in the 'Me too' movement which is of course, years overdue. But it is progress. That's one reason why it feels demoralizing when the minimization starts up yet again about domestic violence.Example, is the January 6th,  sedition, which is of course was domestic violence encouraged and unleashed by #45 and his minions.

Why are people so afraid of giving our dear children lessons in kindness, compassion and love in the schools? In Denmark there is a program for children in compassion and caring. Why can't we have that instead of fighting about school prayer which conflicts with separation of Church and state.Why are some of the politicians afraid to stand up for the truth like teaching about inequality and racism and actual history that has been covered up for ages? Why are so many politicians and right wing newscasters in a rush to minimize the destructiveness of allowing citizens to carry combat weapons legally? Truly this makes no sense if we are attempting to minimize terrorism and violence. 

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Bring on the sun and the golden moon,                      return us to sanity from the gloom.                             Walk out proudly, feel the glee                             embracing peace for all to see,                                 embracing peace for the world to see.                               Susan R. Grout 2021

Isn't this what every human being wants, to be safe from violence, to be treated with respect, dignity and might I add, kindness? It seems to me if we were all following the wisdom of the many great thinkers of history we would all be actively promoting compassion, generosity, fairness, truth and love. 

susansmagicfeather 2021 Susan R. Grout 

Soggy Experiences With Great Female Authors and More

Last month I wrote about bathing with all male authors:

https://susansmagicfeather.blogspot.com/2021/03/bathing-with-john-odonohue-and-michael.html

so now with the strength of equality in mind,  I offer this post of bathing with great female authors.

I'd like to welcome Mary Oliver, Nancy Hathaway, Jane Austen, Isabelle Allende, and Anne Patchett to the bathing experience. It's what makes thinking in the bath worth every single drop of water.  

Women poets are an unusual lot: none of us monied, few of us famous and all of us parceling out parts of ourselves in small but important increments.                                                                    Susan Grout

 I know I'm not alone in believing many of us through out the pandemic turned, with good reason, to poetry to soothe our souls. Combine that with a warm bubble filled bathtub and you have near perfection. Mary Oliver's observance of nature at it's most surprising and tender makes all of us more observant and aware of the glories of nature. Mary Oliver steadily hands us a quiet soothing moment in each of her beloved poems.

Nancy Hathaway who wrote on the Friendly Guide to the Universe gently and humorously informs us about the entire Universe through stories, mythology, science and observation. Planet by planet, star by star, quarks and more filled the tub with glee and intelligence. 

Jane Austen, who for me and billions of other women [and a few men], is a personal favorite has kept me fascinated and engaged since high school. Jane Austen started writing as  was a very young woman of 19. Think of it, her several excellent books have been cherished for over 200 years. I'm not embarrassed to admit that I've read Pride and Prejudice more than ten times and had numerous enjoyable viewings of the series on TV [the one in the '70's and the one in the 90's] and all of the movies. How extraordinary that in the early 1800's  she would claim Elizabeth Bennett as her hero. She set about to make Elizabeth Bennettt be  a woman who absolutely defied convention and is a model for females thinking for themselves. Grand. We, as women, owe her a debt of gratitude.

Here's a darling incident about a female author: I was in a Cafe in a small town in California where my younger son lives. As a treat we had brought our granddaughter to the cafe and told her she could order whatever she wanted. We got our croissants and other pastries and settled in at the outside tables. As we sat enjoying the weather and our coffee, in strolled this extraordinary vibrant older woman. She had bright exciting lipstick, black dramatic hair, a flared colorful skirt with a wide belt and a smile that lit up the outside. Following close behind was an elderly man who was, not happily, in charge of her miniature dog. I said at once, "Isabelle?" and she swooped down to give me a generous hug and she said, "it's so good to see you!"  Now I have a pleasant but fairly ordinary looking face and am frequently greeted by strangers as if they know me. Isabelle said, "I must send you and your granddaughter my latest books!" While I rushed inside to grab a pen and paper to give her my address, my husband asked Isabelle "how do you know Susan?" She said, "oh, probably from one of my book tours." I had never met her before. I was so thrilled to meet one of my favorite authors I said not a word. Returning home days later I received a book In the Midst of Winter for me and the promised book for my granddaughter. Isabelle Allende is someone so generous with her self as well as her books. What a treat! I've been a fan and admirer from afar for years.

Ever since I read and loved Bel Canto by Anne Patchett almost twenty years ago, I've read every one of her books. My imagination says that if I met Anne, like I did Isabelle Allende, she would be a friend. She is warm and genuine in her writing and picks interesting subjects. Her latest Dutch House is a good example, heartfelt, compassionate and breathes life into a family drama. Anne Patchett also is someone who puts her money where her mouth is and owns a bookstore in Nashville. I truly love a bookstore owner that has nothing to do with Amazon.

My next author's post will have to include other female favorites such as Ruth Ozeki, Amy Bloom, Lorrie Moore, Elizabeth Berg, Fanny Flagg. Stay tuned, stay aware of the rich possibilities for a pleasant soak or a long leisurely plunge into a chaise in the summer.

I'll close with a poem I wrote many years ago. 

The Intense Labor of the Poetic Aesthetic     Susan R. Grout

Writing and rewriting sometimes makes the verse worse.

Inspiration without hesitation, a trim hymn, a cozy poesy,

   beat their feet in quick retreat, leaving in their unruly tide

   strident verse I'd rather hide.

 Then raucous ramblings revert to rhyme,

   blurts and bleeps three quarter time,

   ghastly grasping the garbled glop, 

   along the page I'd like to stop.

What could have been, can never be, 

   for I've retired the liberty 

I am caged and bullied by the page. 

susansmagicfeather 2021 Susan R. Grout  

The Abuse Circus

Repression is a seamless garment; a society which is authoritarian in its social and sexual codes, which crushes its women beneath the intolerable burdens of honor and propriety, breeds repression of other kinds as well...

Salman Rushdie 

 Years of destruction and despair, we held our breath looking for repair. gone are the clowns with their sad frowns that circus is leaving town.                                                 Susan Grout 2021

 Still the gun violence rages through out this country. It is indisputable that banning assault weapons works to protect people. I've frequently sited the facts from Australia's ban of more than 20 years ago. Virtually no carnage compared to our poor country. 

Happily the NRA is being sued for their lies and promulgation of deceit, encouraging people to buy more guns.  Remember this is about fear and money. 

Eight people, six Asian American women and two men have been brutally murdered in the Atlanta area. Also in Colorado: more carnage, more humans lost to the NRA and gun lobby. More senseless tragedy and another incidence of the worst abuse that is being minimized in this country. Incredibly, some of the news media was actually being sympathetic to the murderers (Fox, and other right wing nuts) instead of the egregious crimes they committed against the women and men. This is the kind of crap we don't need more of: the continual daily fare of misogynism, scores of hate crimes being excused, blatant racism and gun violence on a daily basis being ignored. 

Reading about the effects of the domestic violence problem in our country [and to be fair in the world] is not only depressing but cumbersome. However the tome written in 1992 by Judith Herman  [Trauma and Recovery] is anything but cumbersome. Sure the subject matter is grim but her prose is fascinating and engaging. Until she bravely bucked the system and wrote the book, no one had connected the dots that connected the symptoms of the victims of domestic violence were identical to those of the soldiers in combat, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. [PTSD] Dr. Herman is the one who added 2 and 20,000 together and figured out that from the literal bushel barrels of reported cases of domestic assault [20,000 is a gross under estimate] the subsequent physical and mental fallout for the victims sounded and looked exactly the same.  As recently as a year ago when I mentioned to someone that victims of repeated and prolonged domestic abuse had PTSD, the person I was talking to said, "that denigrates those who are soldiers, that term should be reserved only for the victims of war." Don't we all wish that were true. Only the victims of war would be found to have PTSD then we could ignore the victims of domestic violence with identical complaints. 

As we, and all the world knows as recently as January 6th the Capitol of the United States was attacked and assaulted by a mob of predominately white men in MAGA red caps. This riot traumatized hundreds of people connected with the White House. Watching it from the safety of my home and left me in a state of nausea. The silencing and minimizing of the crimes started almost immediately with excuses for the perpetrators. One TV channel, Fox News and other right wing news organizations, acted as if the insurrection hadn't even happened.  Anyone who dared to speak about the atrocities was questioned as if they were mistaken. This coincides with these right wing news media outlets perpetuating falsehoods about Presidential election. "These were just patriots who [falsely] believed the election had been stolen," This statement implies that sedition is supposedly understandable. We all watched as the mob terrorized, beat up the cops, defaced and destroyed our Capitol and horrified the people therein. Yet a congressman Andrew Clyde compared the sedition to tourist walking through the White House. Minimization at its finest, as if this mob were just taking a leisurely stroll and oops they happened to bludgeon a cop or 100, defecate on the floors, steal a podium and a laptop from Nancy Pelosi's office. 

'Grow up people' I keep thinking. The truth:Joseph Robinette Biden is the President of the United States. Obviously it's easy to equate the connection between the mob abusers and the ones minimizing the abuse.  This kind of downplaying of the facts attempts to sympathetically prop up the abusers and tries to foster denial that no one was hurt. Facts: five people died, hundreds traumatized, many still suffering from the effects of being personally attacked or in fear for their lives. 

Why do I keep writing about this subject--- domestic violence--- over and over again? see post: https://susansmagicfeather.blogspot.com/2014/09/kapow-why-do-women-stay-with-abusive-men.

One answer: we just are recovering from the Abuse Circus that was started in the White House in 2016. It was threatened to continue through today if it had not been for the victory of the Democrats in 2020. Down with violence and hatred, it should be all our goal and maximized.

The ringmaster's leaving town, his bullies patrol the grounds

Plotting revenge even now, plotting revenge even now.                 Susan Grout 1/2021

Mind Release

Counting various sheep

 Midnight, middle of my night-

need to calm my mind

blow away the angst calm the flight.

 When on the odd night I awake in the middle of  sleeping, often I'm so wide awake and I can't figure out why. The pistons of my mind take flight. Was it too much stimulus on the movie I watched, am I worried about someone or something? This used to happen much more often with that "former guy" as President, "what new horror is being delivered?" But then now it's "how long is this blasted pandemic going to keep inflicting us?"

Last year I was literally scared for my and my husband and friends lives. I knew about how truly awful Covid 19 was because I have a good friend who worked, really slaved away in the emergency room of a big city hospital. She witnessed all the trauma that the patients and their families were going through. To do my part and help, I wrote a post last year on          If They Were Filming https://susansmagicfeather.blogspot.com/2020/06/if-there-was-film-answers-you-dont-want.html. It's only when people see and believe the terribleness of Covid 19 or one of their friends or relatives dies of the virus that they will believe of its veracity. 

We've gotten our shots, a huge relief! We're awaiting a reasonable time period before we venture forth, in our fashionable masks, traveling to see our family.

So, you might ask what's keeping me up at night? What's keeping you up at night? The silliness of worrying about the daily problems or troubles does absolutely nothing to solve them. For many years I had a nifty, though not flawless solution to the racing mind in the middle of the night. I urged my clients to write down a list of what's whirling on their mind or in their conscience. Take that list and on purpose make a deal with yourself that you will worry hard on the list in the morning for twenty minutes. If you get insights, write them down and make an action list. That is the deal, twenty minutes and then put the worry list away in a drawer to be used the next day. If your brain says, "ah, yes, we're worried about --------------------" answer firmly, "let's tackle that tomorrow, we already worried about that today". As simplistic as that sounds it works 90% of the time. Nothing works 100% of the time. That's life.

Another idea for calming, releasing the thoughts and any accumulated tension in the the mind and body is to get out of bed, ugh, and do some yoga or stretching. I read somewhere years ago that just ten minutes of stretching, or doing gentle yoga poses can aid in relaxation and encourage sleep. Let each limb have their say. In my case, I probably have over done the exercise or gardening or even walking. I give thanks with a silent prayerful attitude to all the parts of my body that work so hard for me.

Then I climb back in bed and urge the relaxation of each limb and tell the mind to: let go, let go. I breathe deeply and evenly, sometimes counting the breaths, but mostly trying to think of nothing "be clear mind." I need my sleep so dreams will come and give me a clue what's on my mind keeping me awake. 

People who insist on telling their dreams are the terror of the breakfast table.                                Max Beerbohm

Dreams are marvelous and not always ridiculous and last night was no exception.  I dreamt there was a surveyor in front of our house and he was busily making mistakes on the lines for our property. I asked him his name and he said, "Susan". Doesn't take a genius to see that apparently I have the feeling I've made some mistakes but nothing that can't be corrected. After all I did catch him in the act.

susansmagicfeather 2021 Susan R. Grout  

Bathing with John O'Donohue and Michael Singer and the Dalai

 I see my body as a temple or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.             Emo Phillips

How do you like bathing beauties?  I don't know I never bathed one.   Anon

Every other night I take a long, leisurely bath to relax and erase the worries of the day.  Because of the pandemic this ritual is not taken lightly. This is not an idle moment but a compliment to all of my senses because I bring with me into this small, lavish, luxury a book that I want to ponder, to savor and not race through as I do the many books of fiction I read. 

Nobody cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.    Cynthia Nelms

Into the bath comes the Art of Happiness which helps to educate me on the words, actions and beliefs of the great Dalai Lama. We [in my imagination] enjoy the exchange of wise words, hot water and bubbles. This gentle man has underlined the very big necessity for me [and the world] to value compassion, to always be open and loving eliminating hate and fear from my/our life. Quite a challenge today when the world is in a pandemic and I am mostly self isolating from the general public. The difficulty [as I see it] is avoiding people who choose not to wear a mask or keep a social distance.  These times call for extraordinary measures for safety. Although I do love people,  I don't want to die quite yet; especially by this dread disease. Why on earth would anyone want to potentially expose me to a virulent virus?  Truly, this makes no sense to me.

The Dalai Lama in his life has faced terrible circumstance and yet remains a calm loving presence who turns away all wrath. Immune from hostilities? No, there are the dreadful Chinese Communists who stole his land, murdered his people and caste him and all the other Buddhist monks out of their home. But does he hate them? Absolutely not. He prays for them. On every occasion the Dalai Lama is unstintingly gracious to all he meets. In these days of angry, deluded people in a mob storming our Capitol, I find this helpful as I sink lower into the warm water. Let's just say I believe I have a bit of work to do toward being completely gracious and compassionate. 

If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life.  Bette Midler

Then I've also welcomed John O'Donohue among the bubbles as he guides me through the steps to being more loving, to seeing everything in the light of love. This from his book Anam Cara : 

At the deepest level of the human heart there is no simple singular self. Deep within, there is a gallery of different selves...Frequently you see people who are sorely divided. They are in a permanent war zone and never managed to go deeper to the hearth of kinship where the two forces are not enemies but reveal themselves as different sides of the one belonging.

Doesn't that sound like something our country needs right now? The hearth of kinship sounds about right. We must stop all this thinking in black and white terms.  Even the nuttiest who believe the conspiracy theories must have a space in their hearts for some kind of love, some type of kindness. Supposedly the ones who attacked the Capitol claim vehemently that they love this country. We can agree on that! 

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?                          Lily Tomlin

 A movie that I saw years ago, "A Beautiful Mind", showed this kind of nuttiness on the big screen.  The movie based on the life of John Nash portrayed his schioaffect disorder combined with his paranoia. Yet, this man, dearly loved his wife and in his heart thought all of his paranoid thoughts were facts. Sound familiar? "The lie became the truth" said George Orwell in 1984.  Especially when they have heard endless lies repeated for years by the then by the then president.

Unfortunately, there is money to be made by TV "news" agencies, podcasts, and radio programs that are promoting conspiracy theories and copious lies. This does sound rather evil, twisting the truth which is utterly self serving by the prevaricators. To know the truth is right in front of them and then to purposefully promote absurd theories is so wrong. I know in my heart of hearts this is just for the sake of selling sweatshirts, baseball caps, travel mugs and advertisement. To me this doesn't seem like the best tribute to living a good, honest life. Does it?

Love your enemy, it will drive him nuts... Emmy Gay

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Me in my unsmiling self

To thine own self be true. William Shakespeare

Years ago, coming into full adulthood, I realized while I was working with clients that I had a degree of anxiety always underneath the surface of my mind. I continually thought: would my insights be good enough, effective enough, am I good enough, etc. Often I would be worried about a situation or person and no sooner had that problem been solved then my mind would happily seize on yet another person or thing to worry about and keep me occupied and sometimes, ugh, awake at night.  

Many years ago I discovered one of the best ways to reduce anxiety was those familiar slogans from AA and Alanon: one day at a time; keep it simple; live and let live; let go and let god; easy does it; first things first; think; and listen and learn. In addition to these platitudes I added a bit of science from a wonderful book by Thomas Doige, The Brain that Heals Itself . [This book has also been subjected to water boarding as it fell in the tub one time.] The book states that the brain, when it has repetitive/obsessive  thoughts can actually create a groove, or a track in the brain matter. The brain becomes convinced it's a good idea to go over and over the thought again because, well, the groove is already there to fall into. Trust me this is an oversimplification of an actual physical occurrence. The task before us is to let it go, distance ourselves from falling into an unsuccessful way of dealing with stress and worry. Further more, obsessing about a problem rarely solves it.

Yet another book that has been a helpful reminder to find a balance, a detachment from the constant internal dialogue we all seem to have is The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. His aim is to encourage all of us to find peace and tranquility by stilling the mind from the eternal, mostly silly chatter, which is the internal dialogue most of us have had since childhood. The goal is to attain a state of inner freedom and liberation. I'm all for it. Like the wise words of the Dalai Lama, change or growth occurs when you embrace your problems as opportunities, instead of hindrances.

I know that there are myriad ways available to cleansing yourself from worry, from grief, from trauma and most importantly to live a more tranquil life. A good way is to simply plunge yourself into warm water, still the rattling mind, breathe deeply and embrace one of life's grand though simple pleasures, the bath. Oh, and bring a worthy book!

susansmagicfeather copyright 2021 Susan R. Grout 

 

  

 

     

 

Small Town Therapist on When You Need a Grandma

Youth would be an ideal state if it came  little later in life.                                                                              Lord Asquith

Grandchildren and grandnephews

I'm an unabashed Grandmother of a most certain age. I can offer very good advice, advice that has been touted throughout the ages... and never been used.  Why bother writing about things that may never be read, paid attention to or heeded? Because it's there and I feel an obligation to try.

Beloved granddaughter years ago at the Nutcracker

Interestingly I thought about this as I was rolling out a crust for a Quiche this morning and remember the struggle that I had many years ago attempting to make a pie crust behave. A seemingly impossible task to most, I  now realize that's why the ready made crusts sell with abandon in the groceries.  It's essential to be able to see how to do it, where it is okay to cheat and where it's wise to, gasp, actually follow a recipe. 

Grands about to go to the Nutcracker Ballet

I guess that not everyone has fond memories of their Grandmothers but my siblings and I do. One of our Grandmas was a funny, controversial, well padded figure who did attempt to educate us on some of the home arts.  Once she was trying to show me how to put a zipper in a dress. Continually talking she grabbed up my rather shabby home economics attempt at making and A line dress. She was trying to convince me that it was easy to install the zipper. Zippp! Zip! with the sewing machine as I watched with a degree of intimidation. She stopped, cut the thread, whipped out the final product with a voila! And then she held her nose as she started laughing uproariously. Grandma had put the zipper in the dress not only upside down but also backwards. And we both laughed. That was the best lesson I personally ever had on not taking your mistakes so seriously.

Florence, GG a woman of style

Another fond memory of Grandma Florence was that she would send me letters when I was away at college. I so looked forward to her touching, almost apologetic letters and her efforts to encourage and connect with me. In several of the letters she would dump the contents of her coin purse and say, "get yourself a chocolate soda!" That was her idea of the biggest treat in the world. My roommates and I would laugh and get such a charge out of her. I think of her often with laughter and miss her to this day. Now I know this is just how I'd like to be remembered: with a wistful chuckle and a smile.

As for the other Grandmother, she sadly went into dementia when I was a teen. Prior to her decline she too was funny, in a quirky sort of way. She faithfully watched "American Bandstand" and talked to us about the teens on the show. Now that I think of it, perhaps this was her way of staying youthful and also connecting with her many grandchildren. Did she teach me anything?  Perhaps to actively be part of the youth culture, you never know who you might connect with.  Until almost sixty she worked selling cosmetics at Wiebolts at One North State Street in Chicago. From the pictures we have they prove she was a beauty. Apparently she had many admirers who frequently gave her presents. I have one lovely etching in our living room. It's signed by a Chicago artist to Grandma Gert. And she had a "past". This grandmother was quite the one in the roaring 20's in Chicago. She and her sister opened a "tea room" that was reputedly very popular and they danced the night away. This was not so great for her children but my Dad weathered that childhood. Much to my admiration for my Dad, he was a devoted son prior to and after his mother declined into Alzheimer disease.  When he told stories of his impoverishment childhood, filled with neglect it was strictly for the laughs and punch lines. He said, "once when I was eight and my mother was at the tea room I was eating cereal at the kitchen table, there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door,  two men came into the apartment and repossessed all the furniture. When, Mom, Gert came home I told her what happened and she said, "why did you open the door'. " He would laugh heartily.

Now we all have many means of connecting with our Grandchildren. I send cookies instead of loose change, write indecipherable letters in cursive to them, we text, FaceTime or plain old talk on the phone. How I miss them! I cannot wait for this plague to be over for me to be in their presence and hug and kiss them again. 

I've been listening to audio book Becca Levy's Breaking the Age Code, and one of the touching stories is about how a psychiatrist, Dr. Dixon Chibanda of Zimbabwe, started using counselor-grandmothers to help people with mental health problems. It has been a stunningly successful program that's been going on since 2006.  The grandmothers were members of their communities and were already involved with many families. They were given minimal training: listening skills, empathy, and ultimately a way for the client to find a solution to their problems. They use their empathy and wisdom on these benches for helping their people. Obviously they were working with common mental health issues like anxiety and depression. More serious issues were referred on. to the professionals. Hmmm seems we could start revering and using some of the grandmothers in this country to help with our mental health crisis. Next we'd have to find professionals who could assist in the training.  HelpAge USA is piloting the Friendship Bench in D.C.and MacKenzie Scott recently gave $2m to the project for the bench in our country.

I realize now that both of my grandmothers lived through the 1918 Pandemic. How I wish that I'd been aware enough to ask them questions on how they survived that dreadful event. Hindsight. Always hindsight.

What I'd like to say to anyone who is reading, please do ask questions of your elders, please also consider being a helping person to someone who is having a hard time. You'll gain valuable insights, maybe a laugh and you might even learn a thing or two. 

susansmagicfeather 2024 Susan R. Grout 

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Justice. January 6th Sedition

 Law and Order is like patriotism --anyone who comes on strong about patriotism has got something to hide; it never fails. They always turn out to be a crook or an asshole or a traitor or something.                                                                            Bill Mauldin-- political cartoonist who earned the Purple Heart at Cassino during WWII.

 I'm not wanting to but I'm stewing again. Unbelievably, even with the filming of the insurrection, there are those who are trying to negate the effects of that dreadful day, much worse than the 9/11 attack because it was our own citizens. The films show: the murder of two police officers; the mob's desecration of the Capitol building; and the shattered windows and doors. These domestic terrorists even shit on the floors then smeared the poop on the walls of some of the Senators offices. Despite all the evidence of egregious crimes, some Republicans are still unwilling to charge the criminal offenders or the persons who incited these rioters.  Despite the evidence of the sedition many of the Republicans are unwilling to impeach the ex-president, the worst offender, of inciting a riot. Many of these Republicans were in fact complicit with the insurrection. I'm looking at you Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley. No surprise that this would happen when after all Trump and his cronies lied over and over again, claiming that the election was stolen. Eighty six failed lawsuits by the Trump administration in their desperate attempt to overturn the, not even close, election of Joe Biden. 

drain the swamp? it was filled it with slime

On January 6th the elected officials and all the people in the Capitol building were hiding from the violent mob attackers. They had to be ushered to safety. In our nation's Capitol! These people, mostly Trump supporters, white supremacists and QAnon followers were breaking, smashing and entering the Capitol building. They were mobsters. 

Remember who these people are. These were the people in their MAGA hats, the ones carrying and wearing Nazi slogans, some of them with the Confederate flags, that mob. That's who were threatening the lives of all the elected officials. Let it continually sink in: these people were our citizens, not some foreign entity. Sadly this stems from the mob listening to and believing repetitive lies. Stop the Steal! [86 failed lawsuits proved otherwise]. Not a shred of evidence to overturn the election but they are true believers. So they sought to kill those messengers because they wouldn't falsify the legal election.  

Will no one hold this despicable man and his toadies accountable? He urged the mob to go to the Capitol and "be strong, I'll be right beside you". Of course he wasn't, he was watching the sedition, that he encouraged, on television. We have that on film also.

The equally despicable Republicans now want to "turn the page" on this criminal act and minimize the violence and near take over of the Capitol.  I, previously, wrote about the connection between domestic violence, abuse, and domestic terrorists. It's worth a review.

https://susansmagicfeather.blogspot.com/2021/01/do-domestic-terrorism-and-domestic.html  

I described how abuse has typically been handled in the past by those who witness it, or by the police who are called in after the fact in a sorry way.  Alas, this is still happening today.  All to often when a family or a woman is abused, even if the cops are called, many will not arrest the abuser, despite the trauma to the family. Later through coercion and/or threats, the victim[s] will try to minimize the destruction that happened to them out of fear and sometimes that fear is for their life. This is exactly what we have now. The justification for the attack and the minimization is rampant. Fox news has been laughable in their coverage of the insurrection.  "Maybe it was the radical left who infiltrated the mob [fantasy], it wasn't really the white supremacists [false, it was], perhaps it was just the people who were justifiably frustrated that the election was rigged [poor babies, enough to create an insurrection and violent overthrow of our government?]". The coercion is going on right now by the radical right. The weak, insecure Republicans are fearful of losing their elections to that violent angry mob so they lie and claim there is justification in all the lies. Does this ring any bells in history? of dictators? of abusers?

How I wish that there was someone, anyone, who could do some financial accounting and a reckoning of all the awfulness that we, in this country, have been put through for four long years. I want to know the exact dollar numbers of the graft, the grift and corruption in this last administration. I believe this scam is without parallel even, comparatively speaking in the very worst of the Tea Pot Dome scandal. At least that scandal did not include ripping off the entire country. All the billions that we wasted on the Trump family, who, let's face it, were there it to push their products. I shudder to think of the enormous amounts spent on Mar-a-Lago to say nothing of all the golfing trips and now the calls for protection for their entire family that of course we have to pay for. Let the bill come due! Let the Trumps pay us back for all their theft.

By contrast, just remember the huge outcry and fuss made of the very modest vacations  Obama and family took in their eight years of office? This makes me weep. Hypocritical Republicans! Now they are screaming about the debt incurred cause by their last administration. Don't give any people money, they say as a unit. It should go to... the billionaires.

Where, I ask you, is the justice? There appears to be no repercussions for all of these very real, very film-able crimes?  Does this mean that any president is allowed to do what the T administration got away with? A horrible precedent has been set by the most horrible ex President of our country. 

We want our good name back, we want to really be a democracy again. We want the truth to set us free and, most especially, we want justice.

susansmagicfeather 2021 Susan R. Grout 

 

Do Domestic Terrorism and Domestic Violence Have Anything in Common

 I was in tears. As I and the world watched the violence of that angry mob storming the Capitol building. They were attempting to undo our Democracy egged on by the president, to deprive us of our lawfully elected Joe Biden of his presidency. Yes, I was appalled, sickened but frankly not surprised.  The soon to be ex-president had been fanning the flames of violence throughout his entire four years in office. "Beat up the reporters!"  Rep. Norma Torres of California who was in the building getting ready to certify the election said, "It's horrible that this is America, the United States of America and this we have to go through this because Trump called his homegrown terrorists to come to the Capital and invalidate people's votes."

It's very important to see that this terrorism can begin at home, it is domestic violence. I'm betting that most of the violent protesters have either been victims of domestic violence or, more likely, the perpetrators of domestic violence.  It wasn't until this episode that some of the presidents most stalwart, impassioned apologists [Lindsay Graham saying, "enough is enough"] were now the victims and then feeling the terror of the domestic violence scene unfolding before them. There is terrible fear that accompanies domestic violence and with that gut punch these Republicans finally, finally came to their senses. They experienced first hand what it means to encourage and support a man who has no empathy and will do anything, tell any lie, to get what he wants. He encouraged violence and conspiracy theories and lie after lie to undo the votes of the people and it did come to this. 

I wrote this in 2017:

The Anti-Defamation League’s Center on Extremism has found that right-wing extremists — including white supremacists, sovereign citizens and militia members — were responsible for 74% of the 372 extremist-related murders from 2007 to 2016. And of the 45 police officers killed by domestic extremists since 2001, 34 were killed by right-wing extremists.

So where are the much needed anti terrorism efforts to combat this ugly situation now? Clearly with a right wing, conspiracy believing, unprincipled man in the White House, exactly nowhere.

These numbers demonstrate the importance of promoting anti terrorism efforts in the U.S. The new office of anti terrorism must be broad enough to tackle the wide range of extremist beliefs that have taken root in our country. We also must address the proliferation of radicalizing materials that are readily available to anyone with an Internet connection. These screaming, blatantly false proclamations have embolden both white supremacists (Dylan Roof, for example) and all forms of right wing extremists alike.

The reason this is so very important is that the whole world witnessed on a grand scale the ugliness of the mob breaking into the Capitol building on 1/6/21. The leader bully, the president, encouraging other bullies to break the law and foul up our democracy.  From what I read, some of the cops were taking selfies with the thugs at this "rally".  This also might suggest that some of the more frightening and egregious bullies have drifted into the ranks of our police force. There does need to be some accounting and weeding out of the bullies and abusers.

I wrote this in early 2016:

Sad but true bullies [the abusers] revel in being on top, frightening people and creating confusion so they can seize the upper hand. [Think Vladimir Putin and Trump] They've learned that bullying has its own rewards: people become frightened and tend to do what the abuser says or wants. A really funny example of this is the dentist in "Little Shop of Horrors".  Steve Martin's over the top portrayal of a sadistic dentist, terrifying his lab assistant. He's a good example of an abusive bully and this certainly strikes a chord [a poor pun]. However, he perfectly skewers the stupidity of being a bully and he certainly gets his just desserts in the end. In real life abuse is anything but funny.

This is why yesterday my thoughts turned to all the women I worked with over the years who were victims of Domestic Violence.  What was proven true: until a person is witness to the extremists and subsequently threatened by them, they tend to make light of the situation that anyone who is a victim of abuse and lies [especially women and children] suffers. Now they know, domestic violence and domestic terrorism have the exact same roots.

Our country is going to need more than debriefing and soon. The further we get away from this horror the sooner the bullies of our world will descend on "oh, come on, it wasn't that bad..." In my thirty years as a therapist, I heard this comment over and over again from the abusers. Minimizing to absolve themselves is commonplace and perpetuates the crimes. 

Let's learn from this example of minimizing the lies of our president, ignoring what could happen when we elected four years ago  a person who has a history of cheating, bilking innocent people, deceiving people, outright grifter and a very immoral person. That man doesn't understand that truth is imperative. Character does count. 

 

Let's heal together, the New Year is still coming. It is January 20th, 2021.

susansmagicfeather  copyright but go ahead and share this if you'd like, 2021 Susan R. Grout

Memories and Coping with Missing Events

 

Silas and Lulu outgrew me...

Lately I've started fantasizing about what I'm going to do in the future, I'm sure you're joining me in this endeavor.  I envision many lush trips and large, large festive gatherings with my extended family. [That seems shocking right now with the dread Covid 19 still running rampant.]  A lovely truth: sometimes anticipation is actually more enjoyable than the actual event. This is sometimes the truth with trips to foreign countries but never the truth when we're so fortunate to visit with our sons and our grandchildren. The visits were always so soul satisfying and dear to us. 

Now during this pandemic I eagerly await the time in the future when we can again visit with these darling people. How we miss them! Face Time is great but in some ways it's only a sad reminder that we can't embrace each other. This leaves me with great longing and yet there is also the gratitude to be part of their lives.

surprise: a pair of eagles hanging out

In the realistic here and now, what always brings peace and joy to me and Mr. G are the trips and hikes to the ocean or a lake on a sunny day. It's nourishing for us and oh so rejuvenating and stimulating. Being outside gives us much more than nature gets. Although we do occasionally pick up the trash carelessly discarded by others to aid in caring for our planet. We indulge ourselves, breathing in the sweet air, drinking in the atmosphere and letting our minds wander in tempo with our footsteps. A side benefit to  these slow, methodical walks, it always helps me sleep at night. I gather in the beauty like an armful of flowers to revisit at my leisure.

Lauren and James

Let me be the first to admit that I shutter at the thought we may miss another carefree summer. Those two words: carefree summer, makes me shiver with delight. How about you? Shivering...? Now with eyes opened by the pandemic to the all freedoms we took for granted, don't we all cherish and feel enormous gratitude for the times we were able to gather with our loved ones, especially the grands. 

What we never, ever  imagined was the wallop of this pandemic in early 2020. What we also couldn't fathom was the failure of our leaders. They could have mitigated the incredible blow of the Covid 19 virus.  Sadly, scientists and science were unceremoniously thrown out the window along with common sense. A stupid move to say the least. More than 300,000 lives have been currently lost to the virus. Some lives lost for the simple reason people believed their leaders who said that the virus was harmless, just like the flu.  Then for others, who chose to go masks less which contributed to unnecessarily spreading the virus. Remarkably, there were even a super spreader events at the White House with the predictable results of more positive cases. Now there's all this damage, grief and heartache to families, victims of this dreadful disease. Because the virus has not been successfully controlled, there have been numerous forced shut downs and many small businesses all across the country have gone under. 

Happily, to the tune of 80 million of us, we just elected someone who supports competence and science. Biden has filled his cabinet with people who are competent and experienced, who respect democracy, who are people of all colors and ethnicity and are caring for the recovery of our country. Hope!  Huge sigh of relief.

After a long winter, there is always Spring

Let's all come together to celebrate the changing of the guard, the end of the pandemic, the "Here Comes the Sun" rejoicing that comes from that hopeful speedy recovery. We deserve that joy for our country.

susansmagicfeather 2020 copyright Susan R. Grout all rights reserved