Youth would be an ideal state if it came little later in life. Lord Asquith
Grandchildren and grandnephews
I'm an unabashed Grandmother of a most certain age. I can offer very good advice, advice that has been touted throughout the ages... and never been used. Why bother writing about things that may never be read, paid attention to or heeded? Because it's there and I feel an obligation to try.
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| Beloved granddaughter years ago at the Nutcracker |
Interestingly I thought about this as I was rolling out a crust for a Quiche this morning and remember the struggle that I had many years ago attempting to make a pie crust behave. A seemingly impossible task to most, I now realize that's why the ready made crusts sell with abandon in the groceries. It's essential to be able to see how to do it, where it is okay to cheat and where it's wise to, gasp, actually follow a recipe.
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| Grands about to go to the Nutcracker Ballet |
I guess that not everyone has fond memories of their Grandmothers but my siblings and I do. One of our Grandmas was a funny, controversial, well padded figure who did attempt to educate us on some of the home arts. Once she was trying to show me how to put a zipper in a dress. Continually talking she grabbed up my rather shabby home economics attempt at making and A line dress. She was trying to convince me that it was easy to install the zipper. Zippp! Zip! with the sewing machine as I watched with a degree of intimidation. She stopped, cut the thread, whipped out the final product with a voila! And then she held her nose as she started laughing uproariously. Grandma had put the zipper in the dress not only upside down but also backwards. And we both laughed. That was the best lesson I personally ever had on not taking your mistakes so seriously.
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| Florence, GG a woman of style |
Another fond memory of Grandma Florence was that she would send me letters when I was away at college. I so looked forward to her touching, almost apologetic letters and her efforts to encourage and connect with me. In several of the letters she would dump the contents of her coin purse and say, "get yourself a chocolate soda!" That was her idea of the biggest treat in the world. My roommates and I would laugh and get such a charge out of her. I think of her often with laughter and miss her to this day. Now I know this is just how I'd like to be remembered: with a wistful chuckle and a smile.
As for the other Grandmother, she sadly went into dementia when I was a teen. Prior to her decline she too was funny, in a quirky sort of way. She faithfully watched "American Bandstand" and talked to us about the teens on the show. Now that I think of it, perhaps this was her way of staying youthful and also connecting with her many grandchildren. Did she teach me anything? Perhaps to actively be part of the youth culture, you never know who you might connect with. Until almost sixty she worked selling cosmetics at Wiebolts at One North State Street in Chicago. From the pictures we have they prove she was a beauty. Apparently she had many admirers who frequently gave her presents. I have one lovely etching in our living room. It's signed by a Chicago artist to Grandma Gert. And she had a "past". This grandmother was quite the one in the roaring 20's in Chicago. She and her sister opened a "tea room" that was reputedly very popular and they danced the night away. This was not so great for her children but my Dad weathered that childhood. Much to my admiration for my Dad, he was a devoted son prior to and after his mother declined into Alzheimer disease. When he told stories of his impoverishment childhood, filled with neglect it was strictly for the laughs and punch lines. He said, "once when I was eight and my mother was at the tea room I was eating cereal at the kitchen table, there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door, two men came into the apartment and repossessed all the furniture. When, Mom, Gert came home I told her what happened and she said, "why did you open the door'. " He would laugh heartily.
Now we all have many means of connecting with our Grandchildren. I send cookies instead of loose change, write indecipherable letters in cursive to them, we text, FaceTime or plain old talk on the phone. How I miss them! I cannot wait for this plague to be over for me to be in their presence and hug and kiss them again.
I've been listening to audio book Becca Levy's Breaking the Age Code, and one of the touching stories is about how a psychiatrist, Dr. Dixon Chibanda of Zimbabwe, started using counselor-grandmothers to help people with mental health problems. It has been a stunningly successful program that's been going on since 2006. The grandmothers were members of their communities and were already involved with many families. They were given minimal training: listening skills, empathy, and ultimately a way for the client to find a solution to their problems. They use their empathy and wisdom on these benches for helping their people. Obviously they were working with common mental health issues like anxiety and depression. More serious issues were referred on. to the professionals. Hmmm seems we could start revering and using some of the grandmothers in this country to help with our mental health crisis. Next we'd have to find professionals who could assist in the training. HelpAge USA is piloting the Friendship Bench in D.C.and MacKenzie Scott recently gave $2m to the project for the bench in our country.
I realize now that both of my grandmothers lived through the 1918 Pandemic. How I wish that I'd been aware enough to ask them questions on how they survived that dreadful event. Hindsight. Always hindsight.
susansmagicfeather 2024 Susan R. Grout
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