Small Town Therapist on When You Need a Grandma

Youth would be an ideal state if it came  little later in life.                                                                              Lord Asquith

Grandchildren and grandnephews

I'm an unabashed Grandmother of a most certain age. I can offer very good advice, advice that has been touted throughout the ages... and never been used.  Why bother writing about things that may never be read, paid attention to or heeded? Because it's there and I feel an obligation to try.

Beloved granddaughter years ago at the Nutcracker

Interestingly I thought about this as I was rolling out a crust for a Quiche this morning and remember the struggle that I had many years ago attempting to make a pie crust behave. A seemingly impossible task to most, I  now realize that's why the ready made crusts sell with abandon in the groceries.  It's essential to be able to see how to do it, where it is okay to cheat and where it's wise to, gasp, actually follow a recipe. 

Grands about to go to the Nutcracker Ballet

I guess that not everyone has fond memories of their Grandmothers but my siblings and I do. One of our Grandmas was a funny, controversial, well padded figure who did attempt to educate us on some of the home arts.  Once she was trying to show me how to put a zipper in a dress. Continually talking she grabbed up my rather shabby home economics attempt at making and A line dress. She was trying to convince me that it was easy to install the zipper. Zippp! Zip! with the sewing machine as I watched with a degree of intimidation. She stopped, cut the thread, whipped out the final product with a voila! And then she held her nose as she started laughing uproariously. Grandma had put the zipper in the dress not only upside down but also backwards. And we both laughed. That was the best lesson I personally ever had on not taking your mistakes so seriously.

Florence, GG a woman of style

Another fond memory of Grandma Florence was that she would send me letters when I was away at college. I so looked forward to her touching, almost apologetic letters and her efforts to encourage and connect with me. In several of the letters she would dump the contents of her coin purse and say, "get yourself a chocolate soda!" That was her idea of the biggest treat in the world. My roommates and I would laugh and get such a charge out of her. I think of her often with laughter and miss her to this day. Now I know this is just how I'd like to be remembered: with a wistful chuckle and a smile.

As for the other Grandmother, she sadly went into dementia when I was a teen. Prior to her decline she too was funny, in a quirky sort of way. She faithfully watched "American Bandstand" and talked to us about the teens on the show. Now that I think of it, perhaps this was her way of staying youthful and also connecting with her many grandchildren. Did she teach me anything?  Perhaps to actively be part of the youth culture, you never know who you might connect with.  Until almost sixty she worked selling cosmetics at Wiebolts at One North State Street in Chicago. From the pictures we have they prove she was a beauty. Apparently she had many admirers who frequently gave her presents. I have one lovely etching in our living room. It's signed by a Chicago artist to Grandma Gert. And she had a "past". This grandmother was quite the one in the roaring 20's in Chicago. She and her sister opened a "tea room" that was reputedly very popular and they danced the night away. This was not so great for her children but my Dad weathered that childhood. Much to my admiration for my Dad, he was a devoted son prior to and after his mother declined into Alzheimer disease.  When he told stories of his impoverishment childhood, filled with neglect it was strictly for the laughs and punch lines. He said, "once when I was eight and my mother was at the tea room I was eating cereal at the kitchen table, there was a knock at the door. When I opened the door,  two men came into the apartment and repossessed all the furniture. When, Mom, Gert came home I told her what happened and she said, "why did you open the door'. " He would laugh heartily.

Now we all have many means of connecting with our Grandchildren. I send cookies instead of loose change, write indecipherable letters in cursive to them, we text, FaceTime or plain old talk on the phone. How I miss them! I cannot wait for this plague to be over for me to be in their presence and hug and kiss them again. 

I've been listening to audio book Becca Levy's Breaking the Age Code, and one of the touching stories is about how a psychiatrist, Dr. Dixon Chibanda of Zimbabwe, started using counselor-grandmothers to help people with mental health problems. It has been a stunningly successful program that's been going on since 2006.  The grandmothers were members of their communities and were already involved with many families. They were given minimal training: listening skills, empathy, and ultimately a way for the client to find a solution to their problems. They use their empathy and wisdom on these benches for helping their people. Obviously they were working with common mental health issues like anxiety and depression. More serious issues were referred on. to the professionals. Hmmm seems we could start revering and using some of the grandmothers in this country to help with our mental health crisis. Next we'd have to find professionals who could assist in the training.  HelpAge USA is piloting the Friendship Bench in D.C.and MacKenzie Scott recently gave $2m to the project for the bench in our country.

I realize now that both of my grandmothers lived through the 1918 Pandemic. How I wish that I'd been aware enough to ask them questions on how they survived that dreadful event. Hindsight. Always hindsight.

What I'd like to say to anyone who is reading, please do ask questions of your elders, please also consider being a helping person to someone who is having a hard time. You'll gain valuable insights, maybe a laugh and you might even learn a thing or two. 

susansmagicfeather 2024 Susan R. Grout 

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Justice. January 6th Sedition

 Law and Order is like patriotism --anyone who comes on strong about patriotism has got something to hide; it never fails. They always turn out to be a crook or an asshole or a traitor or something.                                                                            Bill Mauldin-- political cartoonist who earned the Purple Heart at Cassino during WWII.

 I'm not wanting to but I'm stewing again. Unbelievably, even with the filming of the insurrection, there are those who are trying to negate the effects of that dreadful day, much worse than the 9/11 attack because it was our own citizens. The films show: the murder of two police officers; the mob's desecration of the Capitol building; and the shattered windows and doors. These domestic terrorists even shit on the floors then smeared the poop on the walls of some of the Senators offices. Despite all the evidence of egregious crimes, some Republicans are still unwilling to charge the criminal offenders or the persons who incited these rioters.  Despite the evidence of the sedition many of the Republicans are unwilling to impeach the ex-president, the worst offender, of inciting a riot. Many of these Republicans were in fact complicit with the insurrection. I'm looking at you Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley. No surprise that this would happen when after all Trump and his cronies lied over and over again, claiming that the election was stolen. Eighty six failed lawsuits by the Trump administration in their desperate attempt to overturn the, not even close, election of Joe Biden. 

drain the swamp? it was filled it with slime

On January 6th the elected officials and all the people in the Capitol building were hiding from the violent mob attackers. They had to be ushered to safety. In our nation's Capitol! These people, mostly Trump supporters, white supremacists and QAnon followers were breaking, smashing and entering the Capitol building. They were mobsters. 

Remember who these people are. These were the people in their MAGA hats, the ones carrying and wearing Nazi slogans, some of them with the Confederate flags, that mob. That's who were threatening the lives of all the elected officials. Let it continually sink in: these people were our citizens, not some foreign entity. Sadly this stems from the mob listening to and believing repetitive lies. Stop the Steal! [86 failed lawsuits proved otherwise]. Not a shred of evidence to overturn the election but they are true believers. So they sought to kill those messengers because they wouldn't falsify the legal election.  

Will no one hold this despicable man and his toadies accountable? He urged the mob to go to the Capitol and "be strong, I'll be right beside you". Of course he wasn't, he was watching the sedition, that he encouraged, on television. We have that on film also.

The equally despicable Republicans now want to "turn the page" on this criminal act and minimize the violence and near take over of the Capitol.  I, previously, wrote about the connection between domestic violence, abuse, and domestic terrorists. It's worth a review.

https://susansmagicfeather.blogspot.com/2021/01/do-domestic-terrorism-and-domestic.html  

I described how abuse has typically been handled in the past by those who witness it, or by the police who are called in after the fact in a sorry way.  Alas, this is still happening today.  All to often when a family or a woman is abused, even if the cops are called, many will not arrest the abuser, despite the trauma to the family. Later through coercion and/or threats, the victim[s] will try to minimize the destruction that happened to them out of fear and sometimes that fear is for their life. This is exactly what we have now. The justification for the attack and the minimization is rampant. Fox news has been laughable in their coverage of the insurrection.  "Maybe it was the radical left who infiltrated the mob [fantasy], it wasn't really the white supremacists [false, it was], perhaps it was just the people who were justifiably frustrated that the election was rigged [poor babies, enough to create an insurrection and violent overthrow of our government?]". The coercion is going on right now by the radical right. The weak, insecure Republicans are fearful of losing their elections to that violent angry mob so they lie and claim there is justification in all the lies. Does this ring any bells in history? of dictators? of abusers?

How I wish that there was someone, anyone, who could do some financial accounting and a reckoning of all the awfulness that we, in this country, have been put through for four long years. I want to know the exact dollar numbers of the graft, the grift and corruption in this last administration. I believe this scam is without parallel even, comparatively speaking in the very worst of the Tea Pot Dome scandal. At least that scandal did not include ripping off the entire country. All the billions that we wasted on the Trump family, who, let's face it, were there it to push their products. I shudder to think of the enormous amounts spent on Mar-a-Lago to say nothing of all the golfing trips and now the calls for protection for their entire family that of course we have to pay for. Let the bill come due! Let the Trumps pay us back for all their theft.

By contrast, just remember the huge outcry and fuss made of the very modest vacations  Obama and family took in their eight years of office? This makes me weep. Hypocritical Republicans! Now they are screaming about the debt incurred cause by their last administration. Don't give any people money, they say as a unit. It should go to... the billionaires.

Where, I ask you, is the justice? There appears to be no repercussions for all of these very real, very film-able crimes?  Does this mean that any president is allowed to do what the T administration got away with? A horrible precedent has been set by the most horrible ex President of our country. 

We want our good name back, we want to really be a democracy again. We want the truth to set us free and, most especially, we want justice.

susansmagicfeather 2021 Susan R. Grout 

 

Do Domestic Terrorism and Domestic Violence Have Anything in Common

 I was in tears. As I and the world watched the violence of that angry mob storming the Capitol building. They were attempting to undo our Democracy egged on by the president, to deprive us of our lawfully elected Joe Biden of his presidency. Yes, I was appalled, sickened but frankly not surprised.  The soon to be ex-president had been fanning the flames of violence throughout his entire four years in office. "Beat up the reporters!"  Rep. Norma Torres of California who was in the building getting ready to certify the election said, "It's horrible that this is America, the United States of America and this we have to go through this because Trump called his homegrown terrorists to come to the Capital and invalidate people's votes."

It's very important to see that this terrorism can begin at home, it is domestic violence. I'm betting that most of the violent protesters have either been victims of domestic violence or, more likely, the perpetrators of domestic violence.  It wasn't until this episode that some of the presidents most stalwart, impassioned apologists [Lindsay Graham saying, "enough is enough"] were now the victims and then feeling the terror of the domestic violence scene unfolding before them. There is terrible fear that accompanies domestic violence and with that gut punch these Republicans finally, finally came to their senses. They experienced first hand what it means to encourage and support a man who has no empathy and will do anything, tell any lie, to get what he wants. He encouraged violence and conspiracy theories and lie after lie to undo the votes of the people and it did come to this. 

I wrote this in 2017:

The Anti-Defamation League’s Center on Extremism has found that right-wing extremists — including white supremacists, sovereign citizens and militia members — were responsible for 74% of the 372 extremist-related murders from 2007 to 2016. And of the 45 police officers killed by domestic extremists since 2001, 34 were killed by right-wing extremists.

So where are the much needed anti terrorism efforts to combat this ugly situation now? Clearly with a right wing, conspiracy believing, unprincipled man in the White House, exactly nowhere.

These numbers demonstrate the importance of promoting anti terrorism efforts in the U.S. The new office of anti terrorism must be broad enough to tackle the wide range of extremist beliefs that have taken root in our country. We also must address the proliferation of radicalizing materials that are readily available to anyone with an Internet connection. These screaming, blatantly false proclamations have embolden both white supremacists (Dylan Roof, for example) and all forms of right wing extremists alike.

The reason this is so very important is that the whole world witnessed on a grand scale the ugliness of the mob breaking into the Capitol building on 1/6/21. The leader bully, the president, encouraging other bullies to break the law and foul up our democracy.  From what I read, some of the cops were taking selfies with the thugs at this "rally".  This also might suggest that some of the more frightening and egregious bullies have drifted into the ranks of our police force. There does need to be some accounting and weeding out of the bullies and abusers.

I wrote this in early 2016:

Sad but true bullies [the abusers] revel in being on top, frightening people and creating confusion so they can seize the upper hand. [Think Vladimir Putin and Trump] They've learned that bullying has its own rewards: people become frightened and tend to do what the abuser says or wants. A really funny example of this is the dentist in "Little Shop of Horrors".  Steve Martin's over the top portrayal of a sadistic dentist, terrifying his lab assistant. He's a good example of an abusive bully and this certainly strikes a chord [a poor pun]. However, he perfectly skewers the stupidity of being a bully and he certainly gets his just desserts in the end. In real life abuse is anything but funny.

This is why yesterday my thoughts turned to all the women I worked with over the years who were victims of Domestic Violence.  What was proven true: until a person is witness to the extremists and subsequently threatened by them, they tend to make light of the situation that anyone who is a victim of abuse and lies [especially women and children] suffers. Now they know, domestic violence and domestic terrorism have the exact same roots.

Our country is going to need more than debriefing and soon. The further we get away from this horror the sooner the bullies of our world will descend on "oh, come on, it wasn't that bad..." In my thirty years as a therapist, I heard this comment over and over again from the abusers. Minimizing to absolve themselves is commonplace and perpetuates the crimes. 

Let's learn from this example of minimizing the lies of our president, ignoring what could happen when we elected four years ago  a person who has a history of cheating, bilking innocent people, deceiving people, outright grifter and a very immoral person. That man doesn't understand that truth is imperative. Character does count. 

 

Let's heal together, the New Year is still coming. It is January 20th, 2021.

susansmagicfeather  copyright but go ahead and share this if you'd like, 2021 Susan R. Grout

Memories and Coping with Missing Events

 

Silas and Lulu outgrew me...

Lately I've started fantasizing about what I'm going to do in the future, I'm sure you're joining me in this endeavor.  I envision many lush trips and large, large festive gatherings with my extended family. [That seems shocking right now with the dread Covid 19 still running rampant.]  A lovely truth: sometimes anticipation is actually more enjoyable than the actual event. This is sometimes the truth with trips to foreign countries but never the truth when we're so fortunate to visit with our sons and our grandchildren. The visits were always so soul satisfying and dear to us. 

Now during this pandemic I eagerly await the time in the future when we can again visit with these darling people. How we miss them! Face Time is great but in some ways it's only a sad reminder that we can't embrace each other. This leaves me with great longing and yet there is also the gratitude to be part of their lives.

surprise: a pair of eagles hanging out

In the realistic here and now, what always brings peace and joy to me and Mr. G are the trips and hikes to the ocean or a lake on a sunny day. It's nourishing for us and oh so rejuvenating and stimulating. Being outside gives us much more than nature gets. Although we do occasionally pick up the trash carelessly discarded by others to aid in caring for our planet. We indulge ourselves, breathing in the sweet air, drinking in the atmosphere and letting our minds wander in tempo with our footsteps. A side benefit to  these slow, methodical walks, it always helps me sleep at night. I gather in the beauty like an armful of flowers to revisit at my leisure.

Lauren and James

Let me be the first to admit that I shutter at the thought we may miss another carefree summer. Those two words: carefree summer, makes me shiver with delight. How about you? Shivering...? Now with eyes opened by the pandemic to the all freedoms we took for granted, don't we all cherish and feel enormous gratitude for the times we were able to gather with our loved ones, especially the grands. 

What we never, ever  imagined was the wallop of this pandemic in early 2020. What we also couldn't fathom was the failure of our leaders. They could have mitigated the incredible blow of the Covid 19 virus.  Sadly, scientists and science were unceremoniously thrown out the window along with common sense. A stupid move to say the least. More than 300,000 lives have been currently lost to the virus. Some lives lost for the simple reason people believed their leaders who said that the virus was harmless, just like the flu.  Then for others, who chose to go masks less which contributed to unnecessarily spreading the virus. Remarkably, there were even a super spreader events at the White House with the predictable results of more positive cases. Now there's all this damage, grief and heartache to families, victims of this dreadful disease. Because the virus has not been successfully controlled, there have been numerous forced shut downs and many small businesses all across the country have gone under. 

Happily, to the tune of 80 million of us, we just elected someone who supports competence and science. Biden has filled his cabinet with people who are competent and experienced, who respect democracy, who are people of all colors and ethnicity and are caring for the recovery of our country. Hope!  Huge sigh of relief.

After a long winter, there is always Spring

Let's all come together to celebrate the changing of the guard, the end of the pandemic, the "Here Comes the Sun" rejoicing that comes from that hopeful speedy recovery. We deserve that joy for our country.

susansmagicfeather 2020 copyright Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

 

Photo Review of 2020 [and a bit of cheating]

Yes, you're right, it's not the end of the year! However, I decided that perhaps I could hurry it up by posting the pictures that I normally post in January as a celebration of the year past. Frankly, until the election there was not a lot to celebrate.

Lake Zylstra

In my life there are a few years that I literally couldn't wait until they ended, and 2020, actually nine months of 2020 were really difficult for all of us. So I decided to include a few pictures 2019 as well.  As  mentioned a kind of cheating, to easier, more care free times, I confess I sorely miss.

Hello to 2021! Good riddance [with a couple of exceptions] to 2020. For the entire world the year of the masks and the pandemics. For the U.S in particular the home of inept, fool hardy leadership that led to thousands of unnecessary deaths. A grim sad time for the world and our country. Hello to breathing a sigh of relief and welcoming new competent leadership in the White House!

The most wonderful exception of 2020 for our family was the very occasional visits with our relatives, son and grandchildren prior to the necessary shut downs across the country and in the world.

sunset is now at 4 pm, sigh

 

Lulu, me, Silas 2019

Here are some of the highlights of the last year 2020, what I appreciate and have cherished. As mentioned I threw in some pictures from 2019 because that was the last time we saw our son Josh and Lulu and Silas.  The picture on the right is from 2019, now Lulu and Silas are considerably taller than their Nana.

Lauren off to college

the ever growing James 2020

if you look really quickly, you'll see a host of friends and relatives from 2019 but some from 2020

Barred owl on a fence post

 last year in Victoria after Xmas with James and Lauren

If this seems like cheating to add the 2019 pictures, it's merely to aid my tiny bit of self delusion that this dreadful pandemic will be over very soon. Then we can joyfully get back to physical closeness and loving interactions with the ones we crave to be with.                                                                                                             

A bubble of love and sanity with Lauren, James, Zach and Anne

What helped me daily, no surprise, was many walks to the ocean.  Below is the mystical alignment of Great Blue Herons like ballerinas in a line. Back when we were doing okay and there was a blip in the restrictions in our state and we had a visit from Zach, Anne, Lauren and James over the non 4th of July. Lovely.  

Great Blue Herons

Prior to the restrictions, for which I am eternally grateful, Dick and I got to go to Kauai. Another island with another ocean and it was our last trip prior to lock down.       

Also we had the great good fortune to be with Jim and Colleen Grout literally days prior to the start of the restrictions in the country.

Jim, Richard and Colleen came to the island

                                                                       

To keep my sanity and enthusiasm, every week I've been Zooming with our sons and their families. In addition another very fun zoom is the weekly zoom with sisters Sally and Trisha and three friends from our guitar camp. Of course we weren't able to attend camp this summer due to Covid. So each week we share good stories, good tunes and play a guitar piece of our choosing for the Monday Zoom group.  This is a very welcome addition to our lives and keeps me busy practicing guitar,  learning some songs and even  creating new songs.

So many of our fellow citizens have lost someone they dearly loved to Covid,  I am, now more than a year and a half later, still honoring my dear sister Kathleen who died in 2019. During this pandemic, I created this tiny altar to her in our bookcase.

                              

Each day I miss her, yet have a smile in my heart for Kathleen who was a feisty, creative, so alive little sister, with her incredible talent and beauty.  To all of you who are grieving, my heart is with you.   

Our extended family's deck, a lovely Thanksgiving dinner. World's worse selfie, no?

                                                      

Dick pointed out the heart shape. Love abounds, look around.

My therapy: hard work outside in the    garden and also the forest.

Working in the woods is a good, soul satisfying release of all things stressful.

 I am wishing all of you: not only good health but the safest best of health; a calm demeanor despite difficulties; kindness to all of our people; letting goodness and love be foremost in your interactions. Let's kick ass in 2021 for goodness.

susanfmagicfeather 2020 copyright Susan R. Grout all rights reserved 

PTSD: Prisoners of the Past, on to Recovery.

 This post I wrote is for the ones around the world that are combating PTSD. I'm attempting to answer why the recent surge in the amount of new cases of PTSD?

A liberal is a conservative who's been mugged by reality.  Anon

We were awaiting the results of voting across the country, it seemed to be a cliff hanger until the third day. So I waited with bated breath, some degree of anxiety and was at lose ends. This reminded me of clients over my many, many years in my counseling practice who exhibited signs of PTSD.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The characteristics are anxiety, fear, insomnia, heart palpitations, and either hyper vigilance or hiding from reality. I didn't have it but I know this pandemic has produced huge anxiety in millions of people who have lost their jobs, their security in their living arrangements, their child care, etc. This is reality for millions and must not ever be taken lightly.

This 2020 election was a very long haul and much of it very painful. Our country suffered some of the greatest numbers in the world of infections and deaths from the Covid-19 virus. Sadly it didn't need to be this way, many of these deaths were preventable. Our leader who contracted the virus due to his inability to wear a mask, [he's a known science denier], did recover by having every bit of the finest medicine and science had to offer, at his behest. Some grieving families ground their teeth in envy and sorrow for their dearly departed from the same disease who were unable to access such fine care. Hoards of our American citizens are suffering, grieving these deaths as they watched a loved one agonizing, crying out for comfort of their families. The Covid virus, being so contagious, made gatherings and care giving for families of the suffering victims impossible. The sleepless nights and guilt that followed soon overwhelmed them. 

In the book Trauma and Recovery author Judith Herman was able to show that victims of domestic violence share the same repercussions as the victims from wars. After her incredible, brave research into the subject, she got loads of horrified comments that challenged her on this tome. Much of the push back was from the victims of war who felt that label could only be applied to the most awful of symptoms from combat. Interestingly victims of gross domestic violence, sexual assault and sadistic parents or cults have the very same repercussions from their abuse. I believe that the families who watched their loved ones die with not a bit of family support due to the contagious virus,  now most certainly a degree of PTSD.

 Obviously, there are degrees of PTSD---from very mild effects to effects severe enough to cause a complete shut down of the mind/brain. This was first described as 'shell shock' from WWI.  What I believe is there must be an outpouring of understanding for the families that have suffered alone without the benefit of proper care for their loved one who is afflicted with this dreaded virus. Then imagine the torment as virtually no support was able to be given by the family who had to stand by in shock as their loved ones succumbs to the illness in loneliness. Then, after the eventual death, there is no memorial was possible for their loved. All for the want of a mask wearing and unwillingness to acquire the vaccine. 

Safety

Trauma and Recovery  recommends ways in which a person with PTSD  can recover and get on with their life. 

The first stage for recovery to take place is to be able to feel and be safe.   This requires establishing a safe place: in your living situation, in your relationships, in your community, in your mind and heart. I recommend taking the time for self care. Treat yourself as a very loved child and indulge in self soothing activities. 

Since this is the time of Covid obviously in person counseling is out of the question but there are a vast arrays of helping organizations and therapists on the internet. Are they safe? That requires some investigation. You can and I will look into that and get back to you.

REMEMBRANCE  and Mourning

As I've mentioned I feel so grateful that the timing of my dear sister's death was in April of 2019.  We were able to gather in great numbers to remember Kathleen in our lives, mourn her life and honor her in death.  This memorial really helped my entire family and started us all on the healing journey.  Covid has prevented this for right now. However, I urge you to make preparations now, for when we are over this dreadful plague, to have a celebration of the lives of those who've died since the start of the pandemic. It seems to me that the gathering of photos, writing down memories of the beloved, making an extensive guest list could possibly be helpful in the grieving process.  Don't rule out writing or recording exactly what happen during the time of Covid and especially focus on what it was like for you to stand helplessly by as your love one suffered. Talk to people you trust via phone, Zoom or Face time to express what happened. I believe this will alleviate some of the trauma. There are survivor groups on the internet for just this kind of thing  that you could check out for support. 

Become a Survival Hero

How can you join in helping this nation heal from all the this trauma, all of those lives lost?Can you help educate the ones who are rejecting scientists, refusing to get a vaccine, and with the on going [and unbelievable] denial of the importance of wearing a mask, frequent washing hands, distancing from all people by more than six feet, keeping a low profile and staying home? It is the eternal optimist in me that believes that we will be over this pandemic with patience and encouraging the reluctant to step up to kindness for our fellow citizens. Joking? No but I do think saying, "oops, you probably just forgot your mask..." is necessary and not shaming as some are suggesting. Let them know you've noticed. 

My humble opinion is don't give up. There is always good that you can do. Money can be donated to Feeding America, your local food bank, masks can be handed out and thumbs up to the ones who are wearing a mask and have been vaccinated.  Any volunteering at this time is so very important. We proved that in this last election when literally tens of thousands all across the country volunteered in helping with the election despite the risk of Covid. Brave dudes and dudettes.

Join me in this optimism and help out where and when you can.

susansmagicfeather 2020 copyright Susan R. Grout all rights reserved.

 

 

Pandemic Energy and Saving Sanity

 During this pandemic there's been a flurry of remodeling going on all over the country.  People, trapped in their homes and apartments have started looking around at their surrounding and wondering. I see them putting their finger to the side of their faces and internally saying, "hmm" as they view their territory.  "What can I change to make this a nicer in this place?"  I notice from looking recent at magazines and newspaper articles that the trend is toward redoing everything. Nothing is safe or left untouched. 

I am a big one for going all in and painting one wall of a room with a semi vibrant color as shown above with the mellow blue jean wall that holds my families lovely array of  paintings. Now it's November and though I feared the blue might make things look dreary in my rainy country, in fact this color looks comforting and homey. One wall and that changes the feel of the living room, to me at least. I'm fairly sure my dear Mr. G hasn't noticed the wall or any change at all. [I have often remarked that I could dye my hair black with nary a comment from my husband.]

Granted the "nothing left untouched mode", although it's extreme, there's  nothing wrong about it. This is the luxury: we're getting active and busy in the time of the plague. Since we're all in lock down in one way or another, we might as well make good constructive use of our time. For some this is a delicious exercise like mine--- walls that are dingy are getting brightened up, floors that needed attention are being fixed, projects like leaky faucets are being repaired. Some have even taken to remodeling their entire households starting with the kitchen.  The DIY's are rejoicing at the time and energy to revel in the changes. Truly a blessing in a weird times in all of our lives, worldwide. 

 Those of us fortunate enough to have a home are so blessed. Those without secure housing are in agony and fear and we shouldn't forget them. It's a time to be generous to those less fortunate than ourselves---do you hear me? oh you millionaires and billionaires? Taxes cut for those who absolutely didn't need it. Silliness has ruled for four years...

But now we're in the ninth month of what could have been a much less tragic and shorter pandemic in the U.S. It's so sad that the current administration made an issue of divisiveness instead of  cooperation. Literal life saving measures like wearing masks were  branded "unmanly" and disloyal to the big T. The President has held super spreader rallies, not only in violation of the Hatch act but at the cost of lives. He clearly doesn't care. It really angers me to know that literally we, the people, are paying for his rallies. Hopefully it will all end in January with a Democratic administration. 

It's a sadness and a shame that we can't seem to muster the attitude that our country had during WWII, "we're all in this together, no sacrifice is too small"!. People helped each other for the war effort. No, we've been harassed for the simple act of not spreading the disease by wearing a mask. Those in charge have encouraged discord and today, as I write the national guard is on stand by in many cities for fear of the right wing extremists, the ones who were described as "very fine people" by Mr. T. 

I'm trying not to hold my breath but I am longing for a soak in my bathtub with inspirational books as a distraction. I will turn into a prune but it's for such a good cause, my sanity. 

                         Holding up the world with strength and hope. 

    susansmagicfeather copyright 2020  Susan R. Grout  all rights reserved

 

Surviving and then Thriving

                     

Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humor, the writing is on the wall.      Alan Bennett

Comedy is the blues for people that can't sing.        Chris Rock 

One horse laugh is worth more than ten thousand syllogisms. It is not only more effective; it is vastly more intelligent.                                                               H.L. Mencken

When I simply read all the news and listened to the radio I sometimes grow increasingly anxious and depressed. I'm relatively confident that I'm not the only one. I've concurred that most sane people are sick to death of COVID. It's so discouraging that some of our people refuse to listen to science and get vaccinated.  The current Biden   administrations has tried everything they can think of  to encourage people to stay safe, get vaccinated and not infect others.   

Rather than continually being discouraged I came up with a personal solution. Many mornings I've taken to watching the late night comics---for their take on the news. First of all, I end up laughing out loud and secondly they are vastly more daring and informative than most of the newspapers or the radio news because they are unafraid. It's their job to make fun of idiocy.  There's plenty of that going around.

Trevor Noah nailed the Supreme Court hearings with this bit of insight: "why bother with the confirmation process when each time they ask the nominee a substantial question it is as though they are talking to a toddler. Father: 'Did you take those cookies?'  Toddler: 'I don't know nothing about those cookies'." Sadly it was a forgone conclusion that the nominee would equivocate, dodge and evade any question about their obvious bias and prejudices. This is the truth. "No, don't know nothing about those cookies". 

Remember back to the  Presidential debates? Jimmy Fallon said the press gave Trump points for not being his natural rude, obnoxious self, "it's as though they were talking about a four year old behaving in church".  Melania wants that mute mike. No, Jimmy we all do.

They all make fun of the fact that T is desperately trying to find an "October Surprise". He keeps suggesting there is a scandal about the Obama or the Biden family. Where? Then the president's in-articulation about destroying the affordable health care and replacing it with--  what? No answer. The president though he has had four years to come up with an alternative has no plan. Furthermore, he denies that his administration is actively trying to take away the pre-existing conditions guaranteed in the ACA. As we speak the GOP case is before the Supreme Court trying to do just that. 

Meanwhile they are replaying all of the 'crazy Uncle' speeches that T is giving to his super spreader rallies all over the country. No masks, no problem. In those rallies he exclaims about how 'Joe is going to tear down buildings and replace all the windows with little tiny windows'...and 'wind mills cause cancer and are killing off all the birds'... and 'the shower heads don't give enough water to have a proper shower'...and 'suburban women please love me'...and he still doesn't understand that the song YMCA was a rallying cry for the gay men of America. Most deplorably, although he thinks he can, he can't dance. After watching that spectacle Trevor said, "he just lost every black voter in America".

During the debate there was the question of our president inciting racism and enabling division in America to which T exclaimed, "I am the least racist person in this room, well it's dark and I can't see everyone"... ! The man makes for comedy, at our expense.

I will get through the next two weeks with grace and some laughter. This is what I hope for you dear reader and that you will vote ASAP and put an end to this misery. 

susanmagicfeather copyright 2020 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved 

Are We Approaching PTSD as a Nation?

I am currently reading a book that I hoped, foolishly. would help me escape from this world wide pandemic. This Covid 19 has been pathetically,                          unnecessarily lengthened in this county by the inadequate, deceitful leadership from the White House and the GOP administration. 

I'm sick of war for many reasons, three of them will do:                                                                                                     It's 1815.    I am French.    and this is Waterloo.           Mel Brooks 

I'm sick of Covid for many reasons, three of them will do:

It's 2020.   I am American.  and this is the corona virus.  Susan Grout  

Although it's a very good read, unfortunately the book, Cher Ami and Major Whittlesey  is centered in the worst of World War I. The book is based on actual events although it's fiction. Cher Ami is messenger bird: a pigeon and Major Whittlesey is the brave man who tried in vain to save his regiment.  Reading this at night in my cozy bed has been a challenge because of the brutality and sheer idiocy of WWI. All of those dead and wounded young men, over 32 million by the war's end. Mustard gas that was used extensively in that war was/is so deplorable. Almost worse was the long, lingering debilitation from it. This and other poisonous gases gave life long consequences of breathing difficulties and skin problems to these men. You see where I'm going with this. 

Currently when our fearful leader contracted the corona virus [and unlike what any of us could expect if we caught the virus], he was given virtually every life saving device thrown his way, some even experimental.  Now he claims he is supposedly miraculously "recovered completely"! And to prove his prowess he's adding  "No contagion possible", and going out across the country as a super spreader. Of course if you believe this, by all means attend one of his rallies, mask less. Then stand next to someone in the crowd who is also supposedly not contagious and yell and scream and then breathe deeply. Then go home and hug and kiss the family and all your friends. After they are infected with the virus, see what treatments you and they are eligible for.  My oh my, how grateful you and they will be to you for bring them this surprise.

I believe many, many of those affected by Covid are in the throes of PTSD. Having lived through a nightmare that doesn't seem to miraculously disappear, now depression and worry set in overwhelming the survivors and their families. Brain fog, breathing difficulties, and in some cases, organ failure. In our country with more than 340, 000 deaths due to the virus, let's for a moment think about all those left behind. They either contracted the virus themselves and with difficulty recovered or watched from afar as a loved one got the virus and suffered all alone in a hospital and then died. Either way, there is going to be scarring and a residual torment for survivor or the grieving ones.

The aftermath of death from the virus for friends and families has been horrific. Because of  possible contagion there was no possibility of a large memorial or even allowing friends into your house for comfort. This is so profoundly awful.  I speak as a sister who is grieving my little sister. Fortunately for our family she died in 2019 and we were able to mourn as an enormous group and believe me it helped. How sad and sorry I am for families all across the world who have been unable to hold memorials.

This virus has ravaged the country. Sadly, if only that truth of how devastating the virus is/was acknowledged and we took immediate precautions our death rate would be a fraction of what it is. If only Trump acknowledged how virulent the virus, wore a mask to all important meetings and urged all Americans to do so, the numbers of deaths would have been a fraction of what is now.   How sad for those of us who lost a loved one to Covid, how sad that the country has continually been in lock down due to an inept administration. 

Tomorrow or soon, what are the best methods from recovering from the PTSD that is also now ravaging this country.

susansmagicfeather 2020 copyright Susan R. Grout all rights reserved