Small Town Therapist on Becoming a Worthy Elder

 

These days you either look great for your age or you're dead. Anonymous 

When you cease to make a contribution you start to die.   Eleanor Roosevelt 

I'm almost ten days out from my hip replacement surgery and the relief of not being constantly bothered by 'sister pain' is welcome and wonderful. A big thanks to all of you who wrote kind notes, brought me meals and sent encouragement. Love you all. 

An operation of any kind, with heavy duty anesthesia, can knock the stuffing out of anyone and leave them pondering their future, as much as is-- god willing-- left. 

Even though I got the stuffing knocked out of me I'm in good spirits, home and being lovingly taken care of by my darling caregiver, Mr. G. The road to surgery was filled with painful pot holes [7 to 8 regularly on the pain scale] and I'm so glad that I can rate my level of pain in the 2 or 3s on the scale of 10 as the worst. Such a relief. How fortunate I am to have my excellent caretaker, the fabulous surgeon and all his assistants and all my family and friends. Lucky, I know, to have had the surgery.

I was desperate to be out of pain and I sincerely sympathize with anyone who has pain as their chronic and constant companion. 'Sister age' can be painful and often is accompanied by 'sister chronic pain'. Our society doesn't really want to hear about struggles that don't have happy endings. So far, I'm living a happy ending but I'm not kidding myself,  I also realize that I'm closer to the end of life than the beginning and so there may be more trials, tribulations and pain ahead. I would love to think this is the last surgery or hospitalization I will ever have. Lovely thought. 

hold each other dear the rewards are great

Babies are such a nice way to start people.         Don Herold

Our society is so desperate to "staying young" at all costs. There's almost a greed attached to that phrase "staying young" and first of all it's a lie. If you're in your sixties, seventies and up, you can't be young. I'm asking myself  what's a good solution to abhorring old age?  The humble idea I've come up with, is: why not work on being an enthusiastic, wise, and worthy elder. I want to be the elder who is kind, humorous and generous to my family, friends, community, country and the world. I'll give all of myself away to the service of humanity. This blog is my little attempt to start the great give away.

I am nearly ten years older than my Dad who died at 67, and the same for my Grandfather. My mother's side did age considerably longer, almost all died in their eighties. What impresses me now is none of my elders struggled with the inevitability of growing old, they took it as a rite of passage. They embraced aging as natural. Our generation somehow got conned into thinking that the '60's are the new 50's, '90's are the new 70s'! and wants to ignore all the ramifications of aging. I have one thing to say about how successful that will be-- not. We simply can't ignore the aging stage in life. The media  and social media are no help. They consistently go crazy for those who make the 100 year old mark, the Centerians. Sure, their numbers are growing with better nutrition, more health care, but you must have noticed that most of these people in the over 100 year old camp are just existing. There are the few charming examples of people working and helping others into their very old age but that is decidedly not what's in the assisted living homes.  

Trisha, Sally. Me, Kathleen

Old age, especially honored old age, has so great authority, that this is of more value than all the pleasures of youth.              Cicero

As far as I can tell we haven't come close to honoring our elders even though there's plenty of lip service out there proclaiming that we do care about the elderly. Tax cuts are for the privileged, all enjoyed for the benefit of the already wealthy. Yet taxing springs to mind as a very viable way to help out various ills of our society. But heaven forbid we tax these people, most of whom inherited their wealth. Where is the wisdom, the kindness, the generosity for humanity? It's decidedly absent. In other words without taxing those that have way, way more than enough money, we are enabling greed and these people are avoiding becoming worthy elders. I realize that this is falling on deaf ears, and "yet she persisted".

You never know what's 'round the bend...                                                          Sally Milici

I'm all for people aging in place if they are lucky enough to do so, however let me acknowledge that sometimes people can do just about everything right and still die or become debilitated through injury or illness. My sister Kathleen is an example. Yes, she ate impeccably, exercised, read inspiring literature, played music every day and still she died of a heart attack at 67 years old. A life force gone forever. The same is true for my dear brother in law Dirk Milici, dead of cancer at 58.  "You never know what's 'round the bend; you never know when it can end" says sister Sally Milici in one of her great songs about Time. Pay attentions to the things that really matter in life every day, and live every day as though it is your last. Then you too can join the ranks of becoming a worthy elder.

susansmagicfeather 2023 Susan R. Grout