THIN SKIN

part of the crew

Ordinarily I go about life with an air of 'come si com sa' but these days I have embarked on the journey of thin skin, hypersensitivity to the slightest raised eyebrow or twinge of bodily aches.  Why?

Here's what I believe is going on with me and any of you who have suffered being acutely vulnerable mentally or physically come with me for the short ride.

One of the reasons for being hypersensitive is caring too much what people think of you. Ordinarily I'm a fairly oblivious person. [Some would say very oblivious...] A prime example, last year three days before my birthday my husband and one of our friends organized a surprise party for me. We went to their house and I was delighted to see two close friends were going to be joining us for what I thought was a small dinner party. I'd worn a crummy T shirt for the night and thought nothing of it. Then to my amazement, other friends arrived, "how nice" I said! It wasn't until another friend arrived with a huge Mum plant that I finally caught on.  The worst of it, said Mr. G, was I'd walked through the dining room and saw presents and said, "presents, wonder for who?" This is real oblivion, not faked.  See to my way of thinking it wasn't my birthday...yet.

But the thing is circumstances can pierce the wall of my fog and let the arrows of hurt in both mentally and physically. In my defense I'm truly exhausted and have had serious consequences for myself. 

At the beginning of August we'd gone to my sister's house for a marvelous gathering of the Monday Zoom guitar group. This group I'd attended for over two years [who knew the plague would last that long] was literally the highlight of my week--- with two of my sisters and four of the guys from our guitar camp. I was excited and eager to see all my friends and sisters. We sang, played guitar, went for long hikes, swam and had wonderful meals and barbecues. We all pitched in and had a lovely visit, but that's not the end of it. 

on the cabin's deck

me and my sisters at camp

Our zoom group, after several days at Sally's, were traveling on to the guitar camp. We  missed that camp so dearly and were eager for the ride which was a two and a half hour drive away. Arriving at the camp, we were so thrilled to be back, greeting old friends catching up on three years away, truly was an enormous high. We settled into our cabin, the three sisters together and our guy friends on the other side of the cabin and proceeded to celebrate our good fortune. The camp was six days of great food and wonderful music and teachers. It was not about sleep. That's the truth and so it continued.

After camp we, as a group were traveling to our small town which involved taking two ferries. I was basically in charge of herding the group and insisting that they take seriously the importance of making those ferries. Hectoring is probably a better word, though I hate to admit it. When we arrived for the second ferry I believed we had time to kill so I took a walk along the shoreline. Thinking that the ferry I saw from a distance wasn't ours I sat on a bench treasuring some alone time. It was our ferry. Then I realized that I had literally moments to catch the ferry--- so I had to run. I'm not a runner but needs must and all. I made the ferry, completely out of breath and was granted aboard via the grace of a generous ferry worker who shook his head and waved me on. Jeez, Ms. Hector had to repent and apologize. Ah the irony of almost missing the ferry.

part of the family

After we arrived home we quickly threw our bags and guitars into our house and then went to join other family members who were hosting the Friday family dinner. A blessing as far as I was concerned but because of my gaffe of almost missing the ferry I was truly exhausted. This was another grand reunion. We hadn't seen my brother and his wife in three years and they were going to be there for only two more days. Brother Bob was performing at the Port and many more family members were due to arrive the next day. Guess who was hosting that dinner? A mere eighteen for dinner at our house on Saturday after Bob and partner Laura's terrific performance. At one point I looked around at all of this big gathering on that beautiful Saturday night, sat down at the picnic table and said to Mr. G "this is just exactly what I want". Jubilant that we not only pulled it off but it was a perfect night and so wonderful to have so many loved ones at our house. When I told my oldest son about the dinner for eighteen he said, "you're insane". Probably am. 

the brother, wife and friend 

The next day we hiked, loving being together. People were leaving the next day and for the life of me I can't remember how we ate dinner that night. I know my brother, sister in law and singing partner came for drinks and appetizers to be able to say goodbye. I must have fed everyone else something...

Only one sister and her partner were there at the house on Monday. We had a lovely lunch out for which I was so grateful. They left the next day, Tuesday.  I sincerely miss my sisters and all my guests I had such a soulful good time. 

After the reunions, I'm sure you all know the drill: laundry, laundry and more laundry, dishes, dishes and more dishes. The housework got handled after a few days. That Tuesday the house painter, who we've been waiting a calendar year for finally arrived. A delight but more work to make sure everything outside was picked up. 

a jolly group of women

Would it shock you if I told you that I ended up in the ER with throbbing pain in my left arm on Friday? I thought I was maybe having a heart attack. Fortunately, all tests were fine, thank god, but the pain didn't subside. Now I'm looking for a refund. However after I wrote this all down I have a small hint that I perhaps I took on more than I should have. Even though the last two weeks were absolutely fabulous I'm paying the price for doing too much. Did I mention I also went on a five mile hike with a group of women friends on Wednesday. One of the things that's wrong with me is the inability to say 'no, I'm too tired'.  This never happened when I was in my sixties. But now? Proof is in the ER.  Agree? 

susansmagicfeather 2022 Susan R. Grout