WEIGHING IN

  I think women tend to be very hard on themselves and push themselves very hard to get things right.           Helen Fielding

I have my annual doctor's appointment and as silly as it sounds I actually had a moment of trepidation. Was it about an illness, was it about my high cholesterol, was it about ageing?  No. I'm delighted to say it was about my weight. Why should I care if the scale goes up or down a few pounds? Why? Because I've been indoctrinated since I was a teen to believing that there is a right look, a right weight and a right style. None of this, in my feminists heart, do I truly believe--- but the malady lingers on. 

First of all, and I'm admittedly a shrimp. Definitely off the norm. I am universally shocked, momentarily, when I see pictures of myself next to my family, I'm little and yet I don't feel that way ever. As a joke my Dad used to say I was "Mrs. Take Charge" when I was a young girl. I guess that's why in my perception of myself I can't possibly be small. And in my guts I believe that most of the time I'm very big and mostly always right. Huh?

If a man speaks in a forest and there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong.  Jerry Dennis

Is my delusion about my height also about my appearance?  Probably.  I believe as my mother said when in her seventies, "out of these eyes is a 35 year old woman." I literally hold that to be the absolute truth. Ageing? Nonsense!

Him: Mom! You used to be really good looking!                                   

me: Zach! 

           Him: I mean it, you used to be...                                                                                                said my teenage son after viewing photos of me in college.                                                                                             

The Waist is a terrible thing to Waste.                                                             Susan Grout

One of the shocking things about ageing is the changing body when your mind is stuck in another era.  Perhaps this is a cliche but I believe that many of us in our 70's who've made a viable effort to take care of our bodies do hope, in our souls, that this diligence is going to pay off. Unfortunately, my skin hasn't gotten the message. Although I'm fairly fit I really do look approximately my legitimate age. Another shocking thing is what I took for granted with this small body. I thought if I kept about the same weight and exercised most days than not, that I would retain my teenage figure. Sadly no. I never appreciated the relatively slim waist until it became, let's say, less narrow. I would have, should have flaunted it. Like the nearly eighty year old woman I met in California. Here's the story:

Years ago I was in a lovely coffee shop with my husband and granddaughter. In marched with a great deal of flamboyance an older woman who was perfectly coiffed, beautifully made up, wearing a flaring skirt, tight blouse and, the piece de resistance, a very wide leather belt.  I spotted her and said, "Isabel?" She fell upon me with open arms crying, "It's so good to see you!" This, my friends, was none other than Isabel Allende, an author I've greatly admired since her first book, The House of the Spirits.  Such a charming lovely woman with the obvious spectacular look. BTW we'd never met before. I understood her willingness to believe we had.  I have a rather ordinary face with regular features and people often mistake me for, "aren't you my cousin Kate's friend?" and etc. I went in and got paper for her as she wanted our address to send me and my granddaughter a book. She did and I cherish this chance encounter in more ways than one. Isabel flaunts what's a pretty good waist, I appreciate that. 

  

My mother was notorious also for the rather comical jabs.  I once told her that I was thinking about losing five pounds and she said, "don't bother it'll just hang." Another time I was complaining to my mom about wrinkles and she said, "go look in the mirror." I did and came back to her comment, "it's all down hill from here." She was right but please!

The truth is I have no legitimate complaints about my body or about ageing. I'm still feeling mostly good despite the aches and pains associated with arthritis. So, the wrinkles, the enlarged waist, the arthritis I will take with gratitude that I get to live and enjoy my life even if once upon a time I was really good looking.

susansmagicfeather  2022  Susan R. Grout