A Small Town Therapists Tips on Curiosity and Generosity

some things return from childhood

If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which you've imagined, you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.                                                                   Henry David Thoreau

There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.     Willa Cather

I am myself plus my circumstances. Jose Orgeta 

I'm a great believer in changing your thoughts to empower you through  a new pathway for success. I'm also a great believer that people need a helping hand when they are down or grieving.

In my life, and in the lives of all of the clients I worked with over the years, I had to include knowledge of who the person was, [I am myself] what was currently going on with them and most importantly what had happened to them in their past [my circumstances]. Sometimes it is because of past experiences that a person finds they can't push forward into a brighter future. I'm thinking of: the rape and incest survivors; those raised with abuse; the ones who had inferior, or even the lack of educations; the ones who suffered parental negligent; the ones who, sadly, experienced parental death when little; the children who ended up in foster homes or worse, homeless. These are the ones who need the most attention to recover from their traumatic pasts. Then my thoughts turn to the exceptions. How about the likes of Oprah Winfrey? She had all of the above problems as a child to contend with yet Oprah is indeed a rarity. She is clearly brilliant, wildly successful and uncommonly generous with her success. This is why black and white thinking is silly, there are always exceptions,  shades of color in all predictions of a person's future. However the odds of escaping those very difficult circumstances can be so daunting to scale--- it's as if the person is attempting to climb Mt. Everest with no training or equipment.

music and joy helps all

We can't take any credit for our talents. It's how we use them that counts.                                                                   Madeleine L'Engle

A better question is: how do we lose, redo, overrideand recover from the past traumas to enable us to be the best person we could possibly be?  In my experience we throw out the old idea [prevalent in the minds of some in the field of psychology] that all clients must be treated with the exact same formula. More crucial, I determined in my working with clients, was to know what would be the best fit, the best treatment for the client sitting before me. Interestingly, that was the best and most exciting part of my job. Perhaps that is one reason I, and so many other people, love a good mystery novel. Can we figure out what are the red herrings and what are the valid clues and then solve the mystery? This is what drives a good therapist to help a person build on their strengths and whittle down their weaknesses. Another component in psychotherapy must be respect and love which is rarely talked about in my field but is essential in therapy.

I read an article years ago that stated the real work in psychotherapy was being done by the therapists on the front lines. Those working with the people whose circumstances, like the ones listed above, dragged them down each day. Yet those workers on the front lines get relatively terrible pay for the work that they do. Then think about one of the most important jobs in this country: teaching. Do we pay these hard working teachers commiserate with some of the extreme situations with families and children in crisis each day? You know we don't.

What happened to this country that we have put children, including babies in cages and separated families literally guaranteeing trauma starting from an early age. We used to give a helping hand to all the immigrants, actually welcomed them. Now this administration gave tax breaks to the very richest [and to the large corporations which is welfare]. We, in the past, embarked on projects that put people back to work like the WPA projects of the 1930's. Goodness knows there are plenty of projects that could be embarked upon like shoring up our infrastructure through out the U.S. With the coronavirus we are going to really amp up helping the poor and unemployed in the nation.

sometimes we need a helping hand

In regard to the quote above from Thoreau, please keep in mind his circumstances. He was able to go deep into the woods and live at Walden pond with the help of his family, especially his mother and sister. They did his laundry and brought him home cooked meals, not exactly camping.

An unkind thought out there is "if you want a thing bad enough you must believe deeply and it will happen". This is the thinking that blames those with cancer for their illness and shames those in poverty.  This thinking is especially cruel to children living in difficult circumstances.  How about the impoverished woman who has several children and has been left to fend for herself? She can believe all she wants to in riches and job satisfaction and yet who is there to give her a helping hand and a proper boost her out of poverty?  Sometimes no one. That is one of the roles of a good government to aid those with tough circumstances. Aren't we supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves?

Please remember that our country has been loving and generous to those around the world in need. Do we have to descend to becoming suddenly selfish and churlish? The top CEOs of this country could afford to send each unemployed worker money to tide them over from the business closures. Yet this is a radical thought. Why? 

Join me in helping people improve their chances for success, be loving and giving. The reward is today in being generous. In our generosity every child we help out of poverty is a citizen who will one day help the economy We can do this. This is what America is all about.

susanmagicfeather copyright 2020 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved