YEAR in Review with Photos 2017

Groutfest included the county fair this year

Guitar Camp 

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

My friend Sarah and I at the exhilarating Women's March 1/21/2017 

  

We of the disappointed citizens started out the year with a protest. Approximately 21 million friends joined us world wide.

My husband knows his place

Then on to California to see family.We drove in an incredible deluge like driving through a series of car washes. Being with the grands and our son is always rewarding.

Lulu shines at gymnastics, number one

On our road trips we take CDs and plan on listening to music. We end up viewing, talking once in awhile and being awestruck by the beauty of the country. The Redwoods deserve the respect of a cathedral.

Niece Corey from Vermont comes to Seattle

In May we drove to Walla Walla for a wine tasting extravaganza with a group that formed after we lost yet another bid at an auction for a wine tasting. Don't contemplate a name for said group...

On to Chicago to visit Trisha and Peter in their new apartment. Of course the art institute and the new, fantastic Writer's Museum.

Chicago with Trisha and Peter at the Writer's Museum

biking to the tulips early May

 

Visiting college roommates in New Jersery

Thanksjuning, this year's theme "no singing at the table".

Silas and D in San Francisco

James find music where ever he goes

Lauren and Anne at Groutfest on the island

 

The Josh Grouts at Groutfest

The girls at Groutfest

Visiting Steve in Philadelphia

Great Diamond Island, Maine

With Jim and Colleen at the Rockefeller Estate

The gorgeous Quebec City

Quebec City

Philadelphia

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year at Zach and Anne's house

Wishing you all a wonderful love filled year that is stuffed with kindness, generosity and intelligence.

susansmagicfeather 2017 copyright Susan R. Grout all rights reserved.

These Dark Days: A Possible Solution

We should all be concerned about the future because we are going to have to spend the rest of our lives there.                          Charles F. Kettering

Tell the truth and run.Tell the truth and duck.     Anon

There is the magnetic pull for all of us in these challenging years to pile on the negative thinking then pine for the days when we did not have to obsessively worry about every news report. For some of us this effort is Herculean or worse: the myth of Sisyphus. Here comes that rock again! Time to roll it up that long hill... 

One way to combat all of this negativity from the news is to simply pull the plug, turn it off and use the time to do something productive, soothing or satisfying. For many people that is quite a challenging order and very difficult.  Many of the clients I saw in my long years of practice had issues from their past that caused them to slip into a negative groove etched out in their brains. For some it was abuse or neglect, others had a deep insecurity. When reminded that their world is being threatened by a host of intimidating bullies they'd fall into a hole so deep it took a long, strong rope to pull them out. Obviously, the client had to help. First of all they had to hold on to the rope, then they had to make sure that the person [or persons] doing the pulling were trustworthy. When you don't have that trust it's difficult and scary to reach out for help... that is when chronic depression sets in. 

Here is a partial list for overcoming negative thinking.

1. In order to master your past, seek the best help you can find and afford.
2. Develop a sense of personal boundaries.
3. Take risks: if you are withdrawn seek companions, if you are only a social butterfly, develop your solitude skills.
4. Make sure your motivation for what you do in life is out of love, not fear.
5. Stop blaming [yourself and others] and squarely assess situations that are emotionally loaded and find a solution.
6. Rule for perfectionists: the perfect is the enemy of the good, embrace the good.
7. Saving others is merely a ruse for not focusing on yourself and for feeling superior.
8. I've said so before, no one is better than you, no one is worse than you.
9. Tell the truth and run or duck depending on the circumstances.
10. Be willing to trust, be willing to forgive.
11. Be a human being not a human doing.
12. Ask for what you really want.
13. Be compassionate to others and also to yourself.
14. Make sure that you are moving the body: stretching, exercising, walking each day.
15. Kiss, kiss, kiss, hug, hug, hug the ones you love---just for the joy of giving and receiving.

Are there any questions? Feel free to contact me or simply reply to this post. Thanks for reading.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2017 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved 

Ways for Letting the Light In

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many times when I was a therapist in private practice I would get a flood of clients starting in November. This was not all that shocking in that we are in one of those latitudes where the light starts to fail us about four in the afternoon. Darkness, copious rain sets in for the duration and drives some quietly insane.
 For this reason and because one of the lovely people on my social media page asked the question "how do you combat the dark days?" I gave her one suggestion and then thought, bring on what works for me and countless others. Here is a sampler:

Have you a big robust stack of engaging books, magazines and movies at the ready?
Do you have an excellent stock of tea, coffee, cocoa, and satisfying treats near by?
Can you string Christmas lights in your living area?
Have you the ability to race outside with any available sun breaks?
During those sun breaks can you make sure you take a walk and revel in the out of doors?
Could you include yoga, meditation and day dreaming into your day?

Does the darker days lend you time to listen to music?
 Can you do the kitchen dance while you cook something stew like? 
Is it within the possible for you to make a luscious dessert and enjoy savoring each mouthful? 
Can you gather friends for a pot luck dinner and try to make everyone laugh?
If you are so lucky to have children in your life, do gather the children around you for a silly or small celebration.

Your homework assignment is to be aware and amused each day and report the results to me.                           Susan R. Grout

There is no duty we so much  underrate as the duty of being happy.                                                                     Robert Louis Stevenson 

This is a love letter to all of you who suffer or go down the rabbit hole of deep grief during the winter. Take care, stay warm, laugh each day, make fun of yourself, treat yourself with great respect and kindness and always, always bring love out into the world. 

susansmagicfeather copyright 2017 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved.

Give Me One Good Reason

A public library is a public trust. And the “trust” in that old-fashioned phrase is, has to be, mutual, reciprocal. The public trusts the library not to censor, change, or withhold valuable books or information, as the library trusts the public won’t force them to censor, change, withhold, or destroy books or information. And if the library, at the request of the public, does withhold some material from some people (as in finding ways to keep exploitive pornography from children using the library) this is done (if it’s rightly done) openly, with knowledge and consent on both sides.
But a great corporation, even one sworn to do no evil, makes no such bargain with the public. There is no reciprocity. Trust is not mutual. It’s understood that the public interest, if considered at all, comes second to the interests of the corporation — profit, growth, and power. So the corporation can and will keep its secrets, even though what it is dealing in is information, even when its business is making knowledge accessible, open, free — the very opposite of keeping secrets.    From Ursula K. LeGuin's blog

I'm asking you, give me one good reason that this dreadful tax bill should be passed. It obviously favors the corporations, big business and billionaires which from the reading above all have no real interest in helping out the little middle class people at all. There is no trust here. In the last ten years there has been a 300 to 1000% increase in the CEO's pay---- none of which has been passed down or benefited their workers. How could we possibly be fooled into trusting that this tax cut is beneficial to the middle and lower classes of these corporations. Trickle down revisited. A hood wink a first time around and a con the second time.  How sad is that?

As for consumer protection, the White House just put in place a man who's sole purpose is to destroy the agency.  

One only has to look to two states, California and Kansas to see whether slashing taxes on business is helpful. California has thrived with a growing economy,  and they raised taxes on corporations. Kansas has had nothing but economic trouble since it's Republican politicians slashed taxes on corporations. Minnesota is another successful state that raised taxes and has flourished. 

I also, while I'm at it, I implore anyone to give me one good reason to respect #45 and his bizarre method of governing. It strikes me that even a four year old could grasp that he is the ultimate Robin Hoodlum, stealing from the poor and giving to the rich. Any takers to prove me wrong?

Where is the caring for our citizens? Remember this is a person who has defended the White Supremacist as "really fine people." Since when. See below. And is doing all he can to export the Dreamers. 

Our country used to have a tradition of being trustworthy, honest, genuine and caring. Please give me one good reason why I should believe any of that now with this greedy, ignorant current administration. 

It's time to stop complaining and start acting. Encourage the people who either didn't vote or who voted for a third party or who, shudder, voted in this current administration to stand up for goodness, truth, trust, kindness and the American way. That is the American way.

Susansmagicfeather copyright 2017 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved.  

Combating Fatigue and Robin Hoodlum

These are the times that try men [and women's] souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country, but those that stand it now, deserves the love and thanks of men [and women]. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.            Thomas Paine

I know one thing we did right

Was the day we started to fight.   Keep your eye on the prize, hold on, hold on.                                                                                                 a traditional civil rights movement song

  Each day is fresh hell from the #45 administration. Each day they are  wrecking havoc with our cherished democracy and ruining all of the values that we hold dear in the country. Values like respect, caring about the poor and homeless, appreciating intelligence and promoting science, allowing kindness in dealing with people---these  are all either mocked or gone by the way side. 

Gone are the days of the years from 2008 to 2016 when we heard rational, thoughtful directions from our leader. Obama revived our standing in the world that the Bush/Cheney administration had nearly ruined with that stupid unnecessary war. [I still want Cheney to write a check to every soldier,from the $3 billion in profits that he bilked from the war]. 

Now we are lied to on a daily basis, sneeringly insulted [especially women] and distracted while utter nonsense is muttered from the White House. It would be understandable to be so very discouraged as to want to give up the fight altogether. Don't.

Those with vast sums of money to be made from this administration are trying to convince to give up. The truth is that they are swiping your rights and taking money from your pocket. 
They are claiming there will be more jobs and money. Patently untrue.  We must oppose this money grab. Don't believe them. To wit the current tax bill that now sits in the Senate. It is the ultimate steal from the poor give to the rich tax bill. In days of yore the taxes on the richest of us were incredibly high:

The Revenue Act of 1935, 49 Stat. 1014 (Aug. 30, 1935), raised federal income tax on higher income levels, by introducing the "Wealth Tax". It was a progressive tax that took up to 75 percent of the highest incomes. It was signed into law by President Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Roosevelt got us out the depression and gave us the treasure of the WPA program putting people to work, fixing the roads and building in the national parks. These are in communities all across this country that are still loving almost 90 years since their creation. Obama got us out of the debacle that Bush/Cheney inflicted on us--- the great recession--- with the Iraq war and the shady deals allowed by the housing industry.  Neither of them considered giveaways to the people who were fabulously wealthy. They actually wanted to help the average citizen and help our country recover.

Isn't one of the most loving things that Jesus, Buddha, Mohamed told their followers was to love one another? Interestingly this includes feeding the hungry, helping the sick, clothing the poor, caring for the children. Isn't that obvious to all of us? Apparently not to this administration. 


Join in the fight, pace yourself surely but "don't give up, never give up." [Winston Churchill and Train]

susansmagicfeather copyright 2017 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

Robin Hoodlum

It is not enough to know what is right. Courage also is needed to do what is right.    Arthur Dobrin 

A conservative is someone who demands a square deal for the rich.             David Frost

It is a truth universally acknowledged that humans want clean air and clean water and a safe place for their children and grandchild to grow up. Surprise! this is not acknowledged by the current GOP administration, that is busily doing the opposite. Dirty air, fine! we need more coal dust and to blow up the regulations that protect the air. As for the precious resource of clean water just look to all the ineffectiveness of fixing Flint, Michigan. That community is just one of hundreds across the land who have problems with their water. Fracking has polluted the water in all the areas where they're in business. If you doubt what I say, go ahead, you drink that water--- those of you who support or profit from fracking.  

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy, that is the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.                     J.K. Galbraith 

Right now the GOP administration ---no surprise--- is inept, but much, vastly worse than inept, it is mean spirited and vengeful. just look to the current use of cages and jails on the people seeking asylum to this country. This is comparatively almost as awful as what we did to the Japanese during WW2.  Remember no German Americans were held in prison camps, referred to as "internment camps". 

The current GOP administration has appointed people, mostly men, that have neither the education nor the experience to do the jobs he has placed them in. This is an abomination, especially to all of us who are going to have to deal with judges who are right wing conservative [white supremacists] and unqualified. Since this is an appointment for life usually the presidents in the past appointed men and women who were fair, level headed and uninfluenced by politics. That definition has been blown up by the GOP administration. 

Being unqualified and bigoted goes double for the plethora of mean spirited, disruptive, men being placed in our governmental agencies.  Have mercy on the poor employees of those agencies who have toiled for years to create a better world for us and our children. They are being dealt a heavy blow in the form of inept leaders who openly wanted to destroy their agencies. 

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.                            Kin Hubbard

One of the worst was Scott Pruitt head of the EPA who  eliminating scientists from the EPA. This is the Environmental Protection Agency. This administration wants to cause its demise and further create havoc with the environment for profit for the few rich men. I guess they don't care that there are problems on our earth: bees poisoned with pesticides, birds with no proper habitat... How can anyone not love the birds and the bees? I don't know, ask a Republican. 

A most important question is this: would it ever occur to you to hire these unqualified people? Doesn't everyone hire the most qualified person to fulfill the tasks at hand? This is depraved or stupid, take your pick.


One of the reasons for this ineptitude is that the current administration wants these agencies to fail. The touting rhetoric from many Republicans over the years has been "kill the beast!" meaning the governmental agencies that work for the good of all the citizens.  Ironically these Republicans ran on that platform, got elected, got their health care, got their pensions and have piece by piece set out to destroy our government except for themselves and the very richest Americans.  Proof positive is the tax bill that passed the House and Senate. It gives a huge tax deduction to the wealthiest of our citizens with, gee wiz, guess who's first in line? American people are being sold about the old "trickle down" trick which has NEVER worked and will not work now.  This, folks, is reverse Robin Hood. This is it's evil twin: Robin Hoodlum.

Stop the Robin Hoodlums. Vote Democrats.  Consider donations to local candidates who are Democrats, and donations to the organizations who are fighting for you and our children and grandchildren. Restore your rights, vote for a country that is honest and spreads good will not hatred like the GOP. Help, don't just complain or despair. That's the GOP's wish that we would sit back, close our eyes and get robbed blind.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2018 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

There's a Surprise Inside!

what's the best way to have a pet? Poncho

will he recover?

You think you know everything but you know nothing.                                      Robert L. Ricketts

One of the curiosities of life is that it is wildly unpredictable. In all of our childlike hearts we believe we'll live forever! and never have another dreadful day! That is amusing and from an optimist. Those who suffer from depression believe that they will never have another gleeful, glorious day and some days death can't come too soon. As I have mentioned, people are eminently complicated and complex which is precisely why I went into the field of psychology. I love a surprise.

The some of the surprises I love are: the announcement of pregnancies; the birth of healthy babies; the glories of an unexpected sunset; the chance meeting of friends; the good health report when expecting bad news; the full recovery of someone who was ill; the joy in planning a simple trip and having it be vastly more exciting than expected. For those surprises I love, keep 'em coming. Next I'll be singing, "rain drops on roses". 

And speaking of whiskers on kittens, a very pleasant surprise came to me in the form of  my neighbor's cat, Poncho. He just showed up on my deck about three months after my 15 year old cat Rufus had to be put to sleep. I did a double take and definitely teared up when Poncho came to my door. I knew he couldn't be Rufus but...  Look, Poncho is the one at the top of the page and here on the left is a picture of me and Rufus. As I said, a pleasant surprise. This is the best way to love/own a pet. After I put Rufus down I vowed I'd never have another pet. And this solved a problem with that because I love cats. Poncho lives elsewhere, he's someone else's responsibility. I get the benefits--I get to love and pet my visitor without worrying about who will take care of him when I go on my next trip. 

I had just gotten home from a trip about a week ago and I was reading on the couch by  the cozy fire. I heard quite a thump against the window. Oh, no. I went outside and there was a tiny Golden crowned Kinglet thrashing around very awkwardly on the empty birdbath. I picked him up and he closed his eyes and I thought, "this is it, he's not going to make it." I decided to give him TLC, shelter him from predators and put him on a railing next to the front door. I breathed on him, pet him and talked to him. He was so stunned he didn't expire from this weird creature picking him up, petting and breathing on him. After a bit I went inside and periodically checked on him. About the fourth time I opened the front door, he shook himself, probably in annoyance, and flew away, just like nothing had happened. Recovery is sweet.

We planned a trip to my husband's families on the east coast, Philadelphia and Vermont. we  did the planes, trains and automobiles route and it was incredibly warm and honestly felt like an extension of summer. Delightful, warm, dry climate change weather in which I never once wore my sweaters. Because I pushed for it Mr. G allowed that we could travel from Vermont to Quebec City, a five and a half hour drive. Plus booking a hotel in the old part of the city at the last minute wasn't cheap. Once we finally got to QC it was as if we had traveled by car to France. More beautiful than I can describe in a few words this very old and stately city, I was entranced. We walked, dined, viewed the grandeur of the city and had many nice encounters with fellow travelers. And of course, one surprise. The hat less man with arm raised was our guide and bell hop and he had been in business with people that we knew on the islands. What are the odds? Thousands of miles away we meet a friend of our friend.  

 People love to say, "life is short eat dessert first". To that I would add, life is short be aware and amused and delight in all surprises.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2017 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved 

Too Many Choices

Last post was about the rigidity of black and white thinking how difficult it is for folks to break the pattern and open up to a more colorful way of looking at life. Today I address the other way people get stymied--- when there are too many choices. 

 Although it has long been the common wisdom in our country that there is no such thing as too many choices, as psychologists and economists study the issue, they are concluding that an overload of options may actually paralyze people or push them into decisions that are against their own best interest. Alina Tugend, NYT 2010 

The opposite of b & w thinking is the person who will drive themselves crazy and become paralyzed by too many choices, too many decisions. Their brain goes into overdrive creating anxiety as they try desperately to decide what is the best or the perfect, next step. Those clients must work to somehow simplify the process. 

I start the discussion with the startling announcement that "there is no perfect next step". There are plenty of good steps to take and we work to narrow down what is the most comfortable or reasonable next step for them to take. It's possible this person has an anxiety disorder that permeates their live or it could be a temporarily created anxiety caused by over abundance in our culture. Think grocery stores. Often reported the paralysis that visitors from foreign countries experience when seeing our grocery stores for the first time. Many leave without purchasing a thing. 

the library suggests books 

The perfect is the enemy of the good.         Voltaire

 Thank goodness for Consumer Reports  Susan R. Grout

I firmly believe in science, testing and analysis. I encourage clients to do a bit of homework on whatever choices are causing them anxiety and not to become too bogged down.  A good personal example is my own recent choice of a new car. Our 20 year old, very reliable Camry suddenly died [in front of the gas station] until that time, we hadn't thought much about a new car. Then we did. Mr. G is famous in our extended family for being "Mr. Consumer Reports" and he spent a good amount of time researching what would be our next vehicle. I just want the meager facts which to me boiled down to, "what is the most reliable, not unattractive car that I could throw my bike in the back of". Sad but true. He loves the game of trying to get the best car for the best price etc. I sit and wait until he's narrowed it down then the arguments can ensue. I use not only my head but also my gut feelings about any big purchase. When we went to dealerships I had a decided preference for one over the others. I couldn't quite articulate what was so "wrong" about several of  the dealerships but I knew that I was unwilling to give them my money. Ultimately we agreed on the dealer, the car, and its color and we bought a dandy car.  I have since learned the dealership we chose has won many awards for their service.  

Here in this country we are most fortunate to have a superlative group that looks out for the consumer with good old fashioned science and testing: Consumer Reports. Using CR can aid in making decisions on purchases and part of me wishes that this could be extended to affairs of the human heart. Many a client came in with dilemmas of too many choices in who to date, who to avoid, who to marry, who to divorce. I was eager to help them. The most important decision in your life is who you wish to spend your life and time with. I only wish that more people would do research on their choices. So in my modest attempt at human CR I would bring in the various partners and see if we could clarify what would be the best choice for both of them. One therapist friend of mine, Joan used to say, "everything you do in life you pay a price and you get a prize. If the price is worth the prize, then it's a good."  I saw all types of couples in counseling and always kept this piece of advice at the ready. Also I used my own mantra of "head, heart and guts" when making a decision. In other words, does it makes good sense, does it feel good and kind, does it feel right? It was up to the person to use that advice to decide whether the person they were choosing or married to was worth the price they were paying to be with them. Is it a good decision from your head, heart and guts?Sounds simple, was it? Of course not. Human beings are complex and complicated too many choices! Honestly counseling, especially couples counseling, did
help. 

Abigail Adams urged making a head, heart and guts decision 

Down through the ages people have relied on their head, heart and guts to make very important decisions. 

susansmagicfeather copyright 2017 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

How Did the Reflections in Black and White Work for You?

One of the amusing things about being a writer is  thinking in verse, chapter, paragraph and exclamation point. Interestingly I participated in a frivolous project: seven days of photographs, each day presenting the photo with no words, no explanation, no people involved in the picture and each day name someone to take this black and white photo challenge.

I loved this little challenge and it make me look at my world, and others participant's worlds, differently. I realized that I often felt the need to explain: the why, the what and the how I'd done the photo. When all of that was optionally taken away I really wanted to show, to demonstrate, and to allow the viewer to have their own experience, no interference. I so enjoyed doing this and especially appreciated all the beautiful work others had done with this challenge.

Several years ago a friend and I took a course in art appreciation. One divine take away from our excellent teacher was, "when you first view a picture---stop. Take it in and let the whole of the picture be present in your view. Only then after you have a feeling one way or another, ['I like it' or 'I don't like it', 'does it have meaning for me or not?'] then approach the picture and see who painted the piece, when it was done and then read it's title." I found this very useful advice when going to an art museum and with this little project.

Personally speaking this b & w photo challenge was very different for me because usually I go for the most vibrant colors in a photo, and b & w was certainly not my style. "Good one" I thought, "shake it up, try something new". I took shots of my life that were either striking or meaningful to me. 

In my years as a therapist there are similarities and differences in exploring ways that were either colorful or starkly b & w with clients. Some times, most times it was to shake them into new ways of thinking and behaving. In quite the opposite of colorful thoughts and behavior some of the people I worked with got caught in negative patterns in their lives. This rigidity is called 'black and white thinking'. Their narrow mindedness prevents them from trying something new, seeking new solutions. Rigidity almost always involves fear. By way of example, Tigger*, was firmly convinced that he had to take Ritalin because his wife said "it's made a huge difference in my dealings with you". Tigger was uncomfortable with the drug, it made him edgy and he wanted to discontinue using it but was afraid of her displeasure to stop. I told him I'd read about a possible solution and an interesting alternative. In Scandinavian countries they rarely use stimulant drugs and instead, they give a cup of coffee to children who are hyperactive. This proved as effective as the stimulants at a tenth of the cost. [Supposedly there is no addiction potential with the stimulant drug Ritalin. If that's true why are the kids on Ritalin repeatedly pressured by their peers to sell them some of their drugs? I certainly don't see this behavior with coffee.]  I was fine using coffee as a trial to wean Tigger off the other stimulant and see how well it worked. It worked beautifully. Case of one, not statistically significant I realize...

Caffeine can lead to addiction but it is only in excessive amounts, like eleven cups of coffee a day. Ritalin and the like does seem to be a slight precursor to problems with addiction later in life for the kids who've been on the stimulants since they were little children. How often are the studies that prove otherwise funded by the drug manufacturers?

The clients that I saw who were caught up in black and white thinking couldn't embrace their world as colorful. I wanted them to enrich their live and see, not only shades of grey, but also the full spectrum of color. Often they would head for the same old thought process. What I tried to do was break them away from the: "either this/or that" thinking and on to new thoughts including: "both this/and that" or "and this and then this" etc. Good therapy offers a way to bounce around new ideas for different ways of behaving in your life. This can lead to a more colorful life, broadening your vision with more ways of looking at a thing/problem. I find it is essential for some to enjoy a bigger perspective. 


Let me end here by contradicting myself yet again.  Sometimes the subtleties of a b & w picture can be illuminating and striking, so deeply that you would've never noticed the richness before you if you had the distraction of color. To the Leonardo de Vinci before you,  I rest my case.   

susansmagicfeather copyright 2017 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved

Tomorrow, or soon, what to do when the perspective is too broad and screaming color

*a pseudonym of course