Small Town Therapist: Hope for Valentine's Day

The most adorable Rufus

Grands are the easiest to love

Some of my fab family

Dearest ones in loving embrace

The story of the wise mallard

All you need is love...       
        The Beatles

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.   Mae West

 

 

Those of us who are lucky and privileged enough to find someone to love are among the earth's most blessed. If, in fact, we are loved deeply in return, lovely. However, to be loved is not the goal. Instead, it is our duty as human beings to get out there every day and love. The best of us are humanists-- by definition: a person having a strong concern about human welfare, values and dignity. My humble request--- try not to be an exclusionists, [a word that my spell checker doesn't approve of]. Exclusionists are the ones with a club or a camp that you or others cannot belong. You're not white enough, not Jewish or Christian enough, not heterosexual enough, not male enough--- you get the picture. Enough already.

 

Now, I'm not suggesting that you have to live with, donate to, have  dinner or embrace people that make your teeth hurt, but, yes you do have to love and respect them as human beings. This becomes most challenging with people who lie repeatedly, who approve of the torture and murder, or the drug addicts that sell their babies for their next fix, and myriad other evil doers. But I don't have to hate them, that takes up too much room in my head or heart. My favorite take on this subject I witnessed. I saw a young teen, [Afro-ed, tattooed], wearing a T shirt that proclaimed "I heart [emoticon] haters!". This exemplifies the humor that Mel Brooks used so successfully in "The Producers", making fun of Hitler. Or the Coen brothers movie 'O Brother Where Art Thou' who showed that haters are truly ridiculous. How about the silliness of the KKK or Skinheads? Men dressed as nuns, men shaving their heads to look frightening. The only word that comes to mind is childish and then again, most children are not that stupid or cruel.

 Love is not exclusionary, it's kind and springs forward in all manners, shapes and forms. Take the picture of the mother duck who brought forth her ducklings in one of the fountains at the Chicago Art Institute. My sisters and I at first laughed about how goofy it was to see the little quackers among the posh diners. Then we started talking about how smart the little mallard was to do this: no predators and the bonus of protection via the hordes of people who were lunching al fresco. So, a lesson from a duck, that love takes intelligence, strategy, sacrifice and caring, is also evident in the animal kingdom.        

What I'm hoping for this Valentine's Day is a more humanist day, one that embraces the concept of gentle goodness and spreading love to all you encounter. I am fond of saying: kindness doesn't cost a cent, but it reaps great dividends.

               

 In shallow shoals, English soles do it,                        goldfish in the privacy of bowls do it,

let's do it, let's fall in love.                      Cole Porter

Falling in love is fabulous, staying in love requires a certain energy and commitment. Really, if you are with the right person for you it is not a huge effort, it can be fun, exciting, interesting, comfortable, dear, funny, delicious and tender. I realize that I am contradicting the self help books, but think about it, do you have friends that are difficult for you any time you're around them? If so, how in heavens name do you sustain the friendship? Most of these 'friendships' dwindle and die a natural death. So, if you are coupled with someone who is a daily challenge, get thee to a counselor, the sooner the better, perhaps there's a chance to make it easier.

Some of us carry more responsibility  

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.                                      Doug Larson

 

I know love is give and take, and in a loving relationship, it's important to gracefully give more good feelings and comfort than you take. Here's hoping that this Valentine's Day you'll be filled with grace and out there giving good feelings and comfort to any and all in you path. Love is all there is and all you need, unless you are broke or have a toothache.

Personally, I feel as though I am a darling partner and easy to be with at all times. I was telling Mr. G, as we were driving down the road, my ideas about love and committed relationships. I said, "you know, I don't believe that marriage or a committed relationship has to be such hard work..." There was a resounding silence in the car. O, well. Happy Valentine's Day.

susansmagicfeather copyright 2024 Susan R. Grout