Patience

Do not inflict your will, just give love. The soul will take that love and put it where it can best be used.                         Emmanuel

Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.                   Eric Hoffer

Mr. G feigning exhaustion after the climb up from lighthouse

One of my teeny tiny small faults is that I am not a patient person. This feels like 'true confessions', but I have to admit this is true. In my defense I am oh, so patient with my clients, it's only with my poor beleaguered husband and rude strangers that I tend to loose it. Fume, fume. I'm working on it, OK?

Two favorite friends waiting for a ride to start

The other day was a perfect example, I told someone who was coming to see us, to explain a product, precisely where the house is. I told her six times at least. She ended up spending 1/2 hour at our neighbor's house wondering where we were. I finally rode my bike down the road to fetch her. Frustration for her you can well imagine. For me, sooooo tedious. She tried to weasel out of her error by claiming that the road that goes by our neighbor's barn looked like a path. It doesn't. Guess if I had not instructed her very specifically I wouldn't have been so annoyed but I did and I was. Do you hear all of the righteous indignation rising up out of me? That's how I was to her, impatient and not very understanding. Mr. G raised his eyebrows. Do I approve of my behaviour? No, I think I was being silly.

Instant gratification takes too long.                    Lily Thomlin

Isn't impatience almost always silly? There are divine causes to be impatient about: the rights of women, the rights of all people to vote; an accurate diagnosis to a medical problem; the length of pregnancy when you're over due [just thought I'd throw that one in], but you can see there really is not a huge long list of things to be impatient about. [I just asked the recently retired Mr. G what he thought worthy of being impatient and he said, "not right now." See?] I have this amazing ability to justify my every impatient moment. I'm a fast twitch muscle kind of person, a type A+ personality [happily not the enraged kind] and I move quickly. I believe that the only reason I have been successful with this blog is because it's written in short increments. I don't believe I'm capable of writing a book any other way. Piecemeal works best for me.

When I studied psychotherapy I embraced whole heartedly: "Brief Therapy; Solution Oriented Therapy; Cognitive Therapy; EMDR and TFT [see the previous post December 23, "On Recovering Quickly from Trauma" on these]. What the these therapies all have in common is an expedient way out of whatever problem you're facing, as fast as humanly possible. See, impatient. Another way of looking at this: I'm 'consumer rights' oriented in the therapy I deliver. I don't believe in dragging out therapy when someone is desperately searching for solutions. I know that's what I'd want if I were in the other chair.

God will provide--if only God would provide until he provides.         Yiddish proverb

The Saints are the Sinners who keep on trying.                                  Robert Louis Stevenson

So how do I apply all of this great knowledge of over thirty years in the counseling business to myself striving to be a less impatient person? I listen to the wisdom of others. By nature I am a cheerful person [though not patient] and surely some that cheerfulness could join forces with my inherent impatience and help me out. Frankly I'm going be impatient right now and cheat and copy the 12 guidelines that I wrote about anger [post of October 3] and apply it to impatience because, oddly enough, impatient people tend to be, duh, on the light side of angry. So here goes:

1. Be in touch with your body. Remember to check yourself: is my heart beating faster, my pulse racing along with my mind? How exactly am I feeling?
2. Make a game of  your emotions: see how quickly you can go from 10- furious, enraged to 1- calm and peaceful. One minute? Ten minutes? Half a day? The shorter the better. Set a goal, "it took me ten minutes to calm down, next time I'm going for 5..." with impatience make that seconds.
3. Breathe, deepen each exhale and let it be a couple of seconds longer than the inhale.
4. Talk to someone you trust about the feeling you are experiencing. Do you need to take an action? Do so after your talk and perhaps after you have calmed down a bit.
5. Do count to 10 and if that is not enough make that twenty five, if that's not enough, 100, before you make a rash or rude response.
6. Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Think of that HALT acronym and then do the opposite, eat, breathe, talk to a friend and sleep.
7. Ask yourself, "will this matter in five years, or even tomorrow?" Try to see the future with you being a calm and peaceful participant.
8. Don't force solutions, if things are becoming too uncomfortable give yourself permission to take a break or try making a humble request.
9. Love does conquer everything. Make sure that you are being loving and treating others they way you want to be treated.
10. If necessary [and I believe if you've really lost it, it's always necessary] make amends to anyone who got your blast.
11. Use the energy of impatience and anger for creativity. Anger has fueled plays, movies, books, art, and song. Go for the full Monty. Enjoy the revving engine and fire that can fuel the creativity.
12. Everyone gets angry even the saints, so embrace your humanness, as for impatience, not every one is and we can diligently strive for sainthood. NOW.

Have patience in all things, but most of all in yourself. St. Francis de Sales

Ha-ha. Making fun of myself is enormously helpful to me to curb my natural inclination to drum my fingers and tap my toes. So, throw humor into the mix and it can ease just about any situation, even those of us chomping at the bit.
susansmagicfeather copyright 2012 Susan R. Grout all rights reserved