In my life I've gone from strict obedience (as a child) to flaunting the rules (as a grown woman). This seems amusing to write yet this has had a big impact in my life. It's an interesting process to go from strictly adhering to other's rules to going with my gut and ignoring the possible displeasure, laughter or anger of people by flaunting some of the rules. Many of these 'being obedient' rules were dished out by the Catholic church in which I was raised. As a child I was very devoted and pious. Sadly that devotion was all based on fear. An example is when I diligently prayed to god as a six year old, urgently requesting that my sister (who was suffering from an allergic reaction to grapes) would recover. The doctor came to our house which was an incredibly big deal! I remember being frightened and in tears. I was so scared and worried that I took my small savings and walked to the shops and bought her a ceramic angel. Happily she did recover rather quickly and that started me on the road believing that it was necessary for me to be in earnest prayer for any untoward eventuality.
Then at 17 I went away to college. It was a Catholic institution, which pleased my parents, assuming I would stay with the teachings of the church. I later found out my father didn't particularly care. He was not religious and was uninterested in my church attendance. Happily, neither was the college interested in whether I was a practicing Catholic. This was my start at being disobedient. I quit the church as it just didn't feel relevant to me. First question I had to myself: what's with the men being revered (Popes, altar boys, priests who drove Cadillacs, etc.) and the women shunned (especially nuns and mothers) as second class citizens? I'm still looking for answers to that one.
In college I was an insecure student. I was so sure that the college had made a big mistake in admitting me. Because of that belief I was incredibly diligent in my studies. Fear and anxiety ruled me at that point in my life. I was the timid student who closeted myself away in the basement of the library to study. I was so sure I'd do poorly on my exams. Untrue! I was delighted to find out after mid-terms that I was actually a very good student. This eased my mind. Temporarily.
One of the reasons I was a competent psychotherapist was because I worked hard to deescalate my own anxiety. This enabled me to help others to cope with the ups and downs of their lives. Losing a daughter who was stillborn helped me to work with grieving clients. I could then discern who was suffering from grief and the ones who were severally depressed with prolonged grieving and needed medication with the help of a psychiatrist.
The rules for my profession when I started out as a psychotherapist were very sexist. The revered therapists were 90% males with the occasional females professional thrown in. I sought these women out and that help me enormously in my work. It's my observation that years later the 'mostly male' therapists changed when the money for therapists became considerably less than if you went to work for a corporation. Men fled the field in droves. I believe this is true for many other fields. Another observation, when we moved to our small town, the University sponsored Marine Biological Laboratory was mostly staffed by men and the students were mostly male. Then I believe, the pay remained stagnant. Guess what, the labs are now predominantly female with the rare male student. One of the reasons we don't have lots of men in, for example, teaching has to do with the insufficient pay. Often the males teachers make more money. Ironically I just read a fact lending credence to that statement. The female faculty at the very liberal University of Colorado will receive back pay of $4.5 million in a settlement. Females being paid less and treated as less valuable than their male colleagues is sadly not a surprise. The female faculty gathered together, they were disobedient and filed a gender equality lawsuit and won. Good for them! You can only imagine the disparity in pay for women in most universities and many other businesses.
My conclusion is obedience only makes sense if it's a very important rule like 'rules of the road.' These rules are life saving and reasonable. It's important not to speed and to stop for traffic lights for yourself and others. Another rule, now that I think about it, is it makes sense to be obedient to newborns to help them thrive. Crying is sometimes the only way a baby has to get attention. This is true for sometimes for the mother as well.
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| that garment is too young for her |
Flaunting the rules can be a hobby and fun. Honestly are there such things as sensible fashion rules? As a young teen reading fashion magazines I thought there were. It's fun to be disobedient and to be against what we are told we must wear, how we must look and act. Eccentricity is reasonable more times than not. Being eccentric is actually fun. If you're overwhelmed by rules, like all the people in ultra religious churches, ugh. Rebel.
susansmagicfeather 2024 Susan R. Grout
